First timer here and this is my first step to fixing myself. My wife and I have been searching for answers to my issues and came to the unwelcomed conclusion that I have been suffering from PTSD for at least 10 years.
My father died in a tragic accident 10 years ago. It destroyed me, changed me and I swept everything under the rug trying to forget it. My mother and siblings were just as bad, so I needed to be 'the man' and take it for what it was. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, music and risky sex. As time has gone on life has seemed to get worse in my own mind. I am miserable every second of my life. Drinking, drugs and music still run my life. I have no positive outlook on life whatsoever. I have violent anger issues. Trouble sleeping. Severe depression that consumes me in every which way. I have become a emotionless, cold hearted bastard who hates the world and everyone in it. Everyday tasks at work are often too much for me to handle and stress with anxiety eats me alive. The thought of suicide crosses my mind almost daily and has for the past 10 years. Even the thought of past memories of my father choke me up. The worst part of it all is the fact that I have mastered the art of lying about it all and denying it all.
On top of all of this, I have an angel for a wife who would give anything to help me if she only knew how. My ways are driving her away slowly each day as I descend in this downward spiral. I want to feel better and just enjoy life.
We are currently trying to obtain health insurance so I can get the help I need. Only time will tell. Thanks for reading.
My father died in a tragic accident 10 years ago. It destroyed me, changed me and I swept everything under the rug trying to forget it. My mother and siblings were just as bad, so I needed to be 'the man' and take it for what it was. I drowned myself in alcohol, drugs, music and risky sex. As time has gone on life has seemed to get worse in my own mind. I am miserable every second of my life. Drinking, drugs and music still run my life. I have no positive outlook on life whatsoever. I have violent anger issues. Trouble sleeping. Severe depression that consumes me in every which way. I have become a emotionless, cold hearted bastard who hates the world and everyone in it. Everyday tasks at work are often too much for me to handle and stress with anxiety eats me alive. The thought of suicide crosses my mind almost daily and has for the past 10 years. Even the thought of past memories of my father choke me up. The worst part of it all is the fact that I have mastered the art of lying about it all and denying it all.
On top of all of this, I have an angel for a wife who would give anything to help me if she only knew how. My ways are driving her away slowly each day as I descend in this downward spiral. I want to feel better and just enjoy life.
We are currently trying to obtain health insurance so I can get the help I need. Only time will tell. Thanks for reading.
