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Drunk, Story Revealed...

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I don't know. I'm not very savvy to use the things you can do like tag people or find the help desk. Oh well, I probably set it up wrong. Anywho...please take good care and keep posting!
 
(@KwanYingirl, there's a link for the Help Desk at the bottom of many staff posts, in the signature...you can click on mine :))

met with therapist today and that was helpful...working on ways to safely let out some of the insane energy in small, non-overwhelming bits, then allowing myself to curl back in...somehow teaching my body/nervous system that I can contain myself...I won't blow apart...and hugging a stuffed animal is helping with jitters in my torso as they come and go.
This sounds great!

Do you have a list of distractions easily ready for you? Not a general one, but your useable ones? It can sound odd to write a list of things you already know, but it often helps me when I've tipped past the point of thinking well. I have mine organized by difficulty - the challenging ones, for when I'm actually pretty OK, the medium ones, for almost anytime, and the easy ones, for when I'm heading over the edge and it needs to be simple.
 
"Drunk again... But it's a safe amount of booze and I'm in a safe space, if I don't drop a lit cig in the wrong place."
Hmmm. Drunk enough to think about dropping a lit cig... doesn't sound like a "safe amount" to me.

"... delusion is that I'm still controlling my drinking, which right now I am" (hmmm again, did you call before you drank?)

"...the aim is still to get drunk. And it always goes down hill." and "How I love oblivion. " Crux of the issue but is it YOU? or is it the alcoholism / body cravings that want's the booze?

Chava can you do a Cost Benefit Analysis about drinking? OR when you are sober can you, are you willing to write on or off line about your reason for going to recovery and what condition you were in when you got there 20 years or so ago? What was your bottom? What is your bottom today? I know for myself, personally, consequences of full blown relapse are a bitch.

I know too... that you though, aren't going to stop unless you are willing to pick up a phone and get support instead of picking up a drink.
 
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I do have a list @joeylittle .... it seems like I need to "make the decision" not to drink early in the evening. Be a little directive with that. Then hopefully if I have craving for whatever reason, I WILL call someone like @The Albatross mentioned. The thought and decision to drink happen almost simultaneously. So I have to make the decision NOT TO DRINK and work towards setting up that situation better. Last night I found a show I wanted to watch, so that was my "plan" and it was okay (also worked to get crazy energy down several notches earlier in the day and stay connected to myself).

Meeting with someone from AA this afternoon. Will come up with a "plan" for later (not sure what yet, but realize I need one...helps just to find a show/movie/documentary that looks interesting and save it for late evening as the thing I will do).
 
Its OK. Quitting is hard. But you can do it. Remember you're not alone and everyone here is hoping you get there. Sometimes for me having a non alcoholic drink is a good enough placebo. But everyone is different and I hope you find what works for you.

Talk to someone before you get shaky and are about to do it. My sister in law used to talk to me and encourage me to do something like cleaning the house while I spoke to her. Gave the jittery feeling something to focus on instead.
 
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