Dss Has Destroyed Me

[Vawos]

Hi. Id like to keep my name anonymous. But I am suffering after CPS were called because my 2 month old got a fracture in her arm. We had no clue there was even anything wrong. No discoloration and she was just fussy and we thought she just wanted to be held. It wasnt until we took her to the doctor because she wasnt using the arm as much that our world was destroyed when the doctor told us her arm was broken. After being interigated by the police and questioned by DSS they determined to allow our babies remain in the home because we lived with my parents and they could act as protectors. So i still get to hold my babies everyday. Were starting parenting classes and hopefully after they are completed we will get our full rights back. We have heard nothing from the police case after the claimed they were closing it. But I still have the fear of them arresting us or charging us with something. Even with this hopefully winding down, i was still terribly traumatized by this whole thing. Not knowing if i was going to lose my world at any minute. They put us through lie dector tests but i was so shaken up that they wouldnt let me take it. I have nightmares of the police torturing me holding me down and injecting me with some green liquid. I had a nightmare of them taking my daughter away. Im terrified to change her clothes or her diaper for fear of hurting her and losing her but i have to do it anyway being her mother so the fear has gotten better but it is still there. I kept having flashbacks of the meetings with the police and would wake up thinking about it. If you knew me you would know that i have a history with depression and ocd and anxiety. Severe anxiety. I've depressed lately because my mother and i dont get along and shes really mean to me at times without even realizing it i think. She takes her anger out on me over this whole thing because shes trapped at the house because we have to be watched 24 7. She doesnt stop to ask how i am. This has just been a big mess. I just want my family back. I just want to get in our own home again. I want this nightmare to end. And every visit with dss just brings back all the memories of whats happened. I guess im just looking for someone to talk to. And advice on how to deal with all this. How can i calm myslef down when the feeling come back? Thanks.

 

[Kovif]

Being traumatized by things you imagine / nightmares about being tortured when you never were, fears of your children being taken away and what might happen to them, products of your own mind, etc., is totally different than the trauma of being tortured in real life, and of things actually happening.

So no. No idea at all how to best deal with those, or their side effects.

 

[Ivej]

Are you a member of myptsd who has PTSD due to another event and this is kicking up your symptoms?

 

[Nijeh]

As humiliating as parenting classes probably are, try to make the best of it. You never know, you might learn something new.

There is no good way to phrase this. So I'll just come right out with it.
Do you know how your child's arm was broken?
This is not an accusatory question, I'm not inferring anything about you. I am taking what you said in your post at face value.
If it was my child I know I'd want to know how. To ensure it never happened again.

 

[Kuroti]

I think the responses so far have been very unsympathetic. The tactics Dss use are known to be psychologically damaging to innocent parents. There are plenty of documentaries of how they gaslight people. The flat out truth is that they do very little to intervene in actual cases of child abuse and they tear the lives of healthy families apart. Why? It all has to do with how they are funded.

The department mostly likely received thousands of dollars in federal funding for keeping a so-called family in chaos together by providing all sorts of wonderful services to a family desperately in need. :rolleyes: It is a lovely manufactured story that looks good on paper and brings in money. Sadly, actual cases of child abuse cost the department more money than it brings in, so they use families like the OP to generate more funding.

Does the OP have PTSD from it? Maybe maybe not, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask if the OP if they feared actual physical harm from the police involved.

As a child abuse survivor myself, I understand why people are leery of parents who are being investigated by cps, but my experience has been that in actual cases of child abuse are more likely to be ignored.

Even if the Op doesn't have PTSD I would say that the best way to treat it would be very similar to treating PTSD given the nature of how we treat PTSD is to address the symptoms . I would recommend therapy, but do not sign any release of information to anyone if you choose to go this route. I would also look into Prazosin for nightmares. I would stay away from anti-anxiety meds until they are out of your life for good. They could easily find a way to turn it into a substance abuse accusation. Prazosin is a non-addictive medication for nightmares and wouldn't be an issue for them since it is mainly a blood pressure medication with anti-nightmares being a nice little side effect. I would start doing research on breathing and meditation. I also find lavender essential oils in a burner to be calming.

 

[Bafun]

the best way to treat it would be very similar to treating PTSD given the nature of how we treat PTSD is to address the symptoms

How symptoms are treated varies wildly between different disorders.

Treating the symptoms is sometimes the worst way, possible. If someone is in a bipolar mixed episode, for example? Or delusional psychosis? The chemicals in their brains are wholly outside of their control, no amount of grounding or dealing with symptoms is going to calm them down. First the cause has to be treated (normalize the chemicals in their brain) and then the symptoms can be treated. Telling someone who has a chemical imbalance entirely outside of their control and requires medication to stay away from meds? Can be lethal advice.

PTSD advice is best for PTSD. Not best for every other disorder in the DSM.

 

[Lulok]

Honestly, I think the primary concern should be how the child's arm was broken, because it's entirely possible whoever did it is still taking care of the child, depending on how many people have access to the baby. If you know you couldn't have broken her arm, can you think of anyone who may have lost their patience with the child? How many people are around her each day? Could the father have somehow caused it when you weren't around? People who aren't used to babies crying and screaming can very easily lose their patience and not realize when they are being too rough. Sometimes seemingly normal people can completely lose their shit. So really, it seems like you need to figure out how this happened first and foremost. I find it kind of alarming that you're not more concerned about who did it and how .... I realize anxiety and panic are affecting you, but I would think that some of that anxiety could be dealt with by dealing with the mysteriously fractured arm. I realize that, as another poster wrote above, the CPS may not always deal with things in the best way, but for f*ck's sake, a baby's arm was broken and no one knows how it happened!!!! ... it's completely understandable why CPS would get involved. Babies' arms don't just break on their own; it doesn't seem like this is something completely innocent. If it were my kid and there was a possibility that some relative got too aggressive with my baby, I'd damn well want someone to investigate. The OP's anxiety and emotional distress is a completely different issue here. For that, I think parenting classes and therapy would be immensely helpful. You may also want to look into the possibility that you are suffering from either postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis. Either one could be exacerbating things for you. Were you feeling anxious and depressed BEFORE this incident or did it all start after?

 

[Nepir]

There are medical conditions that can cause brittle bones. I hope that's been checked out.

Meanwhile, I hope you can get some help for yourself because it sounds like you're experiencing a high level of anxiety and that must make it pretty hard to function.

 

[Rejo]

No, not unsympathetic in the least.

Why?

People here have limited amounts of themselves to "give" in responding.

If this person doesn't have PTSD, advice about how to treat PTSD could actually be bad advice.

And finally, it is a bit concerning that we're being scolded for not being empathetic with the OP when there is no real worry in her post about finding out who really hurt her child. To me this is a huge red flag as I'd like to think that most parents would be freaking out at the thought that someone else hurt their child, yet we see none of that here. Maybe this does point to parental neglect or having kids while too young and not prepared for taking care of them adequately.

On a forum full of people who had to deal with being neglected as children, well I just don't see this as the place for seeking support when some sort of parental neglect could be at play.

The bottom line is that child's arm broke somehow. Finding out the cause of that should be of primary concern.

 

[Siwofu]

I'm sorry you went through this. I'm sure it rattled you and your family to the core.

I think it's probably best to seek professional diagnosis and help.
Keeping an open communication with your spouse, sharing your feeling and supporting one another is so important.

It's possible that you have experienced a previous trauma that has been triggered by this event. Early childhood traumas can be hidden away in your head to protect you from the memories and the only way you know is because of the symptoms. I don't know your history, were you adopted or experience a perceived abandonment due to parental neglect or divorce? Experience with cps investigations or prolonged abuse in your own childhood? It might be a good idea to explore this with a trained professional because these symptoms do sound similar to acute stress disorder or ptsd. Even if this is not a "stress disorder" a therapist, counselor, clergyman should be able to guide you through this.

 

[Biwe]

Nijeh here.

I think the responses so far have been very unsympathetic.

I don't think that's inaccurate, though I don't understand why it's a bad thing.

Seeing as the op wrote this in the anon section. It takes the personal out of the equation. Since I don't know who I'm talking to, I would rather just get to the point, rather than fawn over the person.

If anyone wants to do differently, that's fine. But my previous response was written specifically to be devoid of sympathy/pity. While also being devoid of malice/judgement.

My interpretation of the purpose of the anonymous forums, is a place where you can ask a question about something that is, for whatever reason, too emotionally difficult for you to publicly own. Whether it be due to guilt, shame, embarrassment, fear or whatever else. I just don't feel the need to pour on the sap, good or bad.

Personally I think the anonymous forums are a place where it can be a little too easy to be harsh. So I make it a point to try extra hard to be even handed. But that's just me.

 

[Kilafi]

We don't that the OP doesn't know how the baby's arm was broken. The OP was specifically asking about symptoms that are the direct consequence of a stress event. I think people are jumping to a lot of conclusions when none of us know all of the facts.

@Bafun and Rejoyou might want to go back and re-read my post. I never said to treat it as if it was PTSD I said treat it similarly. The OP was asking about dealing with nightmares and anxiety. PTSD or not, can you really disagree with me on the need for therapy?

I never said that she should not take medication, I specifically said anti-anxiety meds. Anti-anxiety meds to not treat chemical imbalances, although some medications that treat chemical imbalances also help with anxiety. My reason for saying she should stay away from anti-anxiety meds is because CPS views them as something that would impair a person when it comes to properly taking care of their children.