Dss Has Destroyed Me

[Ezevu]

As being anonymous, I must say that this is my first post.

I am also stating that this is judgement free.

But, I also can't say I'm going to be sympathic. Im sorry if that makes everyone all upset.

CPS being horrible or not actually has no baring here, at all. There was an incident in which warrented action. Therefore, CPS being horrible or whatever honestly is miss placed here.

I also am very concerned that in the entire post you did not show concern at all about how a 2 month old got a broken arm. It was stated as this happened, thats why CPS is up my ass but im having all of this anxiety and nightmares. Anxiety is actually warrented here. Id have anxiety too. But id be way more concerned about how my baby's arm got broken (or getting help ASAP if I did it) then I would be about myself in any way shape or form.

In my completely non-judgemental and no malous intented opinion, you honestly need to either re-focus yourself on your child or gain help if you are the one that did it. I am NOT saying you are, Im just advising in both directions since the post did not advising either way.

There may not have been any sign of it but it did happen thus someone did it. Something happened. Find out what. Re-focusing yourself will likely help with the anxiety and nightmares but im sorry, that is the least of my worries. My worries is on how a 2 month old got a broken arm and so should be yours! Please please re-focus yourself on that!

 

[Afuna]

Hi. Id like to keep my name anonymous. But I am suffering after CPS were called because my 2 month old got a fracture in...

I didnt see this when it was posted. But I really am kind of unhappy with a lot of the responses here.

First of all, no one asked this girl or woman how old she was. She is living with her mother who expresses anger and we all know that mothers tend to be very controlling and critical of daughters around their first baby, even in normal circumstances.

She says that she has a history of OCD and anxiety. That history combined with lack of sleep, worry, and the accusational inspections of dss and the police + mom would giver her extreme stress that will feel like ptsd. Even if its not a permanent ptsd like the rest of us, doesnt make it any more comfortable.

OCD will make you obsess on what you think might be a source of danger or threat the way PTSD does.

She also didnt elaborate on what kind of break the arm had, and it does make a difference. If it was a hairline fracture, the arm wouldnt have been mishapen or swelled as noticeably especially on a chubby baby arm. If it was a full on snap of the radius or ulna , then okay, I get the suspicion.

I dont know how many times I saw my babies get in weird situations where they could have been hurt , but just decided they were probably fine, I also layed awake obsessing on things that might happen to them that were kind of stupid.

Its called " NEW MOM".

If her case was dropped and the baby wasnt taken, then its likely okay. Now she's going to obsess that some freak accident will occur , nobody will believe her because of the broken arm, and she'll lose the kid and go to jail.....and thats pretty much how I'd be feeling in her shoes also.

 

[Ilib]

Its called " NEW MOM".

She used "babies" in pluarl, shes not a new mom but even if, ok? If im a new mom, im going to be even less worried about me and more worried about how this happened.

Yes there are different sort of fractures but we dont know which kind or how it happened or anything. That would. be my focus, 100% HOW did this happen? Did the baby get their arm twisted in the crib? Could that even happen? Id be asking Drs like mad about how how how.

Im sorry, but i stand by my reply, which is the one directly above yours.

Now if the post stated ANYTHING about "we dont know what happened but we believe XYZ" then maybe. Or "we dont know what happened but I believe this person did something and im being sure this person isnt around" then maybe. The post stated that the baby got a broken arm (which doesnt happen out of the blue from nothing no matter what kind it is) and we didnt see it and now DSS has distoryed by life. Well no, they are doing their jobs for a damn change.

 

[Una]

She used "babies" in pluarl, shes not a new mom but even if, ok? If im a new mom, im going to be even less worried abou...

You dont know that she is more worried about herself than what happened. This forum is an anonymous safe place to address feelings, whether she was accurately choosing this place or not.

You are not considering the context of where we are and what she was here for. She was here for support for her traumatized emotions.
If we are required to get clearance by other members to decide us not guilty of wrong doings in our stressful situations, then no one sent me that memo.

I'm taking into consideration that she may be young and didn't realize that saying the charges were dropped wouldnt be enough to diffuse the harsh scrutiny a bunch of people with ptsd would react to potential child abuse with.

I'm guessing that she thought people would ask some questions before they reached conclusions, what I said about the type of break the baby had for example, was totally relevant.

Its entirely possible that all of her concerns for her baby are appropriately addressed in parenting classes and welfare checks.

She was here for support because of her obsessive worrying and fears of what might happen next. Its too bad few of the people here didnt put that first or suggest a forum for moms involved with DSS. There are anonymous support groups for parents struggling with social services.

Dont get me wrong, I work and voluteer in an environment where these issues are dealt with all the time. I have co-workers that are supervisors at the county in every branch. What I saw is that she didn't anticipate that her post would be too vague for people here.

What I reacted to was that the responses were exactly what she is afraid of dealing with in her future, I find that sad and unfortunate.

 

[Soma]

Thank you Afuna. I don't feel that people are actually reading or comprehending the OP's post I feel like i am reading replies from uppity house wives who like to pass judgment on other moms to make themselves feel better and not people who know what it is like to suffer from a traumatic event that totally f*cks with the way you think and feel. Last time I checked, this was a PTSD website full of people who know what it is like to suffer from nightmares and anxiety.

While the Op didn't state how the baby fractured her arm and post they way people seem to think she should have, her post has some very important clues in it.

#1 She used the word fracture and not break.
#2 She said, "WE didn't know that anything was wrong." That means at least two people were observing the baby and since babies need round the clock care, if it was a serious break, someone would have noticed. And they were clearly observant enough to notice she was using it less.
#3When they noticed the baby wasn't using the arm as much, they took her to the dr!!!
4#Their was no discoloration nor was the baby screaming in pain. Babies cry and scream when something is seriously wrong, which suggests to me that it was a hairline fracture that only caused pain when movement was involved.

As someone else suggested the baby could have brittle bone disease. There are varying degrees of severity. I know of one case where a infant was brought by the parents for broken bones. The parents suffered greatly at the hands of CPS and their parental rights terminated. two months later the baby was finally diagnosed with brittle bone disease but it was two late, the parents had committed suicide due to being unable to cope with being unjustly villainized.

The child is/was only 2 months old. If it was a difficult vaginal birth the fracture may have occurred then, especially if the baby was breech.

 

[Nozaj]

@Soma
Check your own judgment at the door.

Not all of us are bitchy housewives in the mommy club.

@Kilafi

Please educate yourself before making medication recommendations. Buspar DOES work on seratonin. Buspar is indeed an anxiety med, and is not an antidepressant, antipsychotic, it is indeed an anxiolytic drug in the anxiolytic class.


I'm shocked that a fracture (which in the med world IS indeed a "break") is being blamed on simply being a new mom.


Again, a forum full of adults who were abused as kids, and I think most of us would prefer the excuses be left at the door.

 

[Facuj]

This forum is an anonymous safe place to address feelings, whether she was accurately choosing this place or not.

No its not. Its not a safe place at all.

There are anonymous support groups for parents struggling with social services.

Yep, there sure is!

the responses were exactly what she is afraid of dealing with in her future, I find that sad and unfortunate.

Probably but A) we arent told how to react here and B) theres a bunch of trauma survivors here where the majority of them are child abuser survivors. What sort of replies does one expect in this enviroment? Seriously!

This mom needs to act! Again, I wouldnt be on a PTSD site posting about me unless i knew what happened to my baby and if i knew i certianly would include it or come back and advise of it. What reaction would anyone have?

if it was a serious break, someone would have noticed.

Not necessarly

4#Their was no discoloration nor was the baby screaming in pain. Babies cry and scream when something is seriously wrong, which suggests to me that it was a hairline fracture that only caused pain when movement was involved.

Again, not necessarly but then you tell me that after you went to the Dr you wouldnt be tearing up the place to figure out how this could have happened?

The child is/was only 2 months old. If it was a difficult vaginal birth the fracture may have occurred then, especially if the baby was breech.

Again, something only a Dr would know. Would be a great question to ask said Dr!

But why sit hear and shake a finger at how trauma surviors respond to this? Really?

I dont think anyone reacted "wrong". They reacted how they reacted and none are wrong!

 

[Zijiw]

@Soma
Check your own judgment at the door.

Not all of us are bitchy housewives in the mommy club.

@Kilafi

Please ed...

@Nozaj

" Forum full of adults who were abused as kids.." is what is wrong with where you're coming from. It's a shame you cant see that.


There is nothing in her statement that suggests she hasn't turned everything over in her mind trying to figure out what happened to the babies arm. She probably did it obsessively. The DSS and the police report would reflect thorough speculation and investigations that would include doctors medical reports.

Having been through all of that, even without a diffinitive diagnosis to how or when the fracture happnened, it's likely the professionals involved decided it wasn't intentional but that negligence was the issue due to the length of time it took her to notice.

Thats why she has parenting classes and home checks.

It wouldnt occur to her that a bunch of PTSD addled forum members would jump all over it with ' baby abuser' accusations without many polite questions or common sense happening first, nor should it have.

This forum is not only full of adults who have been physically abused as children. There are forums for that exclusively, I'm sure.

It is exclusively full of people who have been traumatized, some over a lifetime, and some over a single event.

This woman clearly stated that the fear of judgment and accusations are what are causing her feelings of trauma, thats what lead her to find this forum looking for support. It was probably not very good for her to see a bunch of suspicious and accusatory comments in response. Polite questioning or suggesting support in other places was done by a couple people, but mostly that looked like a witch hunt to me.

 

[Fusemet]

I feel like i am reading replies from uppity house wives who like to pass judgment on other moms to make themselves feel better and not people who know what it is like to suffer from a traumatic event that totally f*cks with the way you think and feel.

I think that's a bit harsh. And I doubt any of us questioning HOW it happened are "uppity housewives." I, for one, am myself a first-time mom with a two-month old and I can totally sympathize with being a new mom and facing criticism. But I still find it alarming that there doesn't seem to be much concern about how it happened. Maybe the OP does know and maybe there is some explanation, but she didn't mention it here, leading us all to believe that the mystery of the fractured arm has not been solved. And yes, that is alarming, because that means if someone around the baby got a little rough with her, that person could still be around the baby. That seems like the bigger concern here. No one has suggested the OP shouldn't be getting help for the anxiety and nightmares, but if she is taking parenting classes, she should be exposed to other moms and have some form of support in that area. And finding out the cause of the broken arm should also help alleviate the anxiety. Yes, being a mom, especially a new mom, is absolutely terrifying and stressful, but if you've chosen to be a mom, you've chosen to put your child's needs first. So I don't think it's wrong for us to ask about how the arm got broken and be a bit concerned that there's no mention of it here.

 

[Gavew]

Nobody accused the OP of abusing her child, no one. Many people simply asked if she knew how it happened.

 

[Ice]

This thread is done.