Hello, I'm Toranoko.
I was diagnosed with PTSD a little more than a decade ago. My trigger was graduate school -- I literally forgot that I was supposed to be attending a class. That stuff only happens in nightmares, right?
I was sexually abused by a woman at a very young age. My first memories are about seven or eight years of age, going up until I was almost eleven; but we have evidence that abuse happened before I was five. Probably when I was three.
I can still remember the nightmares I used to have as a kid.
On top of this I was bullied pretty bad; and something happened to my Mother not long after ... she became a completely different person. I felt abandoned and scared. Well, she was scary sometimes. Not all the time, but enough ...
I went through several years of therapy, including EMDR and various visualizations. I'm also a very spiritual person. My counselor tells me that I never stop working at it (that's a good thing) ... though half the time I'm not convinced of that. Eventually I realized that sometimes just sitting and waiting -- "doing nothing" -- is part of "keeping going".
My symptoms are not completely gone, but I am much better than before. I just wish they had been able to figure it out before I was so close to 40. I was "mis-diagnosed" with depression in college. Not that I wasn't depressed -- but that depression was just a symptom of the PTSD. Well, to be fair they really didn't know much about it back then. From what I'm reading, they still don't know that much about Early Childhood Onset PTSD. Something about it not being ethical to deliberately traumatize children for research ...
I stumbled across this site when I did a google search on "PTSD Motivation". Wanted to see if anyone else was having the ... "weird cyclical motivation" problem. Sometimes I'm really motivated, sometimes I have to force myself to do even the most basic things. Thing is it doesn't feel like depression ... (I remember what that was like).
I'm finding lots of good information on this site. And sometimes it helps to just be around people that know what you're going through.
I was diagnosed with PTSD a little more than a decade ago. My trigger was graduate school -- I literally forgot that I was supposed to be attending a class. That stuff only happens in nightmares, right?
I was sexually abused by a woman at a very young age. My first memories are about seven or eight years of age, going up until I was almost eleven; but we have evidence that abuse happened before I was five. Probably when I was three.
I can still remember the nightmares I used to have as a kid.
On top of this I was bullied pretty bad; and something happened to my Mother not long after ... she became a completely different person. I felt abandoned and scared. Well, she was scary sometimes. Not all the time, but enough ...
I went through several years of therapy, including EMDR and various visualizations. I'm also a very spiritual person. My counselor tells me that I never stop working at it (that's a good thing) ... though half the time I'm not convinced of that. Eventually I realized that sometimes just sitting and waiting -- "doing nothing" -- is part of "keeping going".
My symptoms are not completely gone, but I am much better than before. I just wish they had been able to figure it out before I was so close to 40. I was "mis-diagnosed" with depression in college. Not that I wasn't depressed -- but that depression was just a symptom of the PTSD. Well, to be fair they really didn't know much about it back then. From what I'm reading, they still don't know that much about Early Childhood Onset PTSD. Something about it not being ethical to deliberately traumatize children for research ...
I stumbled across this site when I did a google search on "PTSD Motivation". Wanted to see if anyone else was having the ... "weird cyclical motivation" problem. Sometimes I'm really motivated, sometimes I have to force myself to do even the most basic things. Thing is it doesn't feel like depression ... (I remember what that was like).
I'm finding lots of good information on this site. And sometimes it helps to just be around people that know what you're going through.
