Ego vs. self-worth

[onebravegirl]

I literally read the Bible every day and let me tell you No where does it try and humiliate people or reduce them into a state of worthlessness. Many religions use shame/guilt and fear as a way of controlling its congregations. Lets not go there.
So here is my view. Having a value of ones self is not being egotistical. Thinking you are above others is. Knowing that you are of equal value to others is healthy. Along with this should be a balanced and realistic view that everyone can learn and grow. You know Gandhi said it well. "There is room for us all". I will also quote (again) Martin Luther King Jr "The only good reason to look down on another is if you are about to help him up".
If you have suffered from emotional abuse you may have noticed how abusers love to try and wear down another persons worth. This in no way has to be tolerated. You have the right to define yourself. No one else does. You have a right to speak your own opinion/thoughts and feelings about any given matter. The oh so great Jimi Hendrix put it best when he said "I'm the one who's got to die when its time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want too".
You are already awsome. No need to feel any other way but that.

 

[cragger65]

Thanks everyone for the feedback, you've all got a pretty strong sense it seems of which way is up.

Starshine and Terri, I can really relate to your own experiences. I was brainwashed when I was about 17, it took me years to work my way out of that. Then when I had my breakdown, my sister hit me right in the face with the ego/self-blame thing. It horrifies me how much that sent me back to that old shitty place as a teen. All I wanted to do was to feel better about myself. As I told one guy at the time, I don't want to upset the applecart, I just want my one apple.

I've got to work so hard now not to beat myself up, it sneaks in there so quickly and easily. I wish there was an easier way to fix it.

Another thing that came up in convo with a friend tonight is the way the psychs at the hospital played the "your ill, so your wrong" card as a way of contolling people. They made me doubt my own perceptions on a deep, deep level, as if the insurance companies weren't really screwing me, it was all just in my head. F*ck that screwed me up so badly, to doubt my own experiences and ability to percieve reality to such a huge degree. They did SO MUCH damage, when I was so vulnerable, I'm still struggling to this day with that. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.

 

[phoenix62]

That's a very interesting way of thinking about the subject. I agree, but couldn't have put it across so clearly. Thanks :)

 

[NarcSis]

My T tried to convince me that my troubles with my managers at work were a result of my 'compassion fatigue' and were simply misconceptions because I felt vulnerable. Ha, Ha, Ha....Stupid is as stupid does. Compassion fatigue, PTSD, burnout, whatever, it doesn't change the ignorance I have worked with on a daily basis for the past 13 years - this wasn't a New Thing for me, so much so, I had particular protocols for dealing with each manager so that they 'get my point'. When I developed PTSD those protocols went out the window and I screamed and became overwhelmed with them - I couldn't adequately defend myself! Sure the exasperation was new and was MY issue, but the situation wasn't new or 'imagined'.

No one controls me but me. I will tow the line when I need to but if I have a line, so does everyone else - don't step over it or you feel my wrath. Hmmm, is this an Ego issue Cragger?

 

[cragger65]

I think that's a self preservation issue, to tell you the truth Medic. A strong sense of self and where your limits lie is all good, IMO. I need to work on that myself more.