I don't know what to call this...Weird self worth measurement?

[Warrior Sunflower]

I don't know why but I feel like baths and showers are something that measure my value/worth and due to me not being able to do it independently enough due to my disabilities, I feel less valued and less worthy when I take one so, I try to avoid it.

I also avoid baths and showers because of sensory issues. Baths also make my stomach feel sick if I'm in the water too long but showers make me feel super dizzy pretty quickly.

No one ever tries to praise me for trying to do things that are harder for me than it is for them. No one seems to understand that things that are easy for them are harder for me and then they get upset and frustrated when I avoid that "easy" task. Water touching me also causes my painful uncontrollable movements to worsen and I'm very insecure about my body except for my hair and eyes.

I have done sponge baths before but my mom keeps saying that's not enough and I even have shower wipes but my mom says that's not enough once a week. She basically just keeps nagging me to do better by saying I stink and what you managed to do isn't enough and she also said I feel like I'm a bad mom if I can't get you to understand this which I do understand but the way she's saying it isn't helping, it's making it worse.

That's basically what she's been saying over and over again, summarized but I don't know how to bring it up to her that she's making the situation worse without making her feel like she's a bad mom, we've had a lot of verbal conflicts in the past about a lot of situations so, I'm kinda worried about unintentionally stirring the pot and because of our verbal conflicts, I actively try to avoid conflicts in any shape, way or form. I don't know if this belongs here.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have a neurological disability in addition to my PTSD and it sounds like you have other stuff going on too. It took me a long time to realize that able bodied people will never fully understand what it is like to be disabled. They think they do but how could they. They have never experienced it. They are usually well meaning but they just don’t know. So keep this in mind. Try talking to family members about it in a calm non stressed way. In regards to showering there are benches made from teak for use in showers, I think Wayfair sells them.

I have been dealing with my neuro condition for over 24 years now. When I was diagnosed I was told I was heading for a wheelchair. So far I have been proving them wrong. I work with a trainer 4 days a week doing yoga and exercise assignments. I ride mountain bikes and motorcycles, I ski. I go to the gym and work with a trainer there. This is how I make my life work and it works. So if you have challenges like I have, go easy on family members as they mean well. You can figure these things out like using a bench and a hand held shower sprayer. Develop a “can do” attitude. Get outside and get exercise and fresh air. It has really worked for me and most people have no idea I am disabled with an MS like condition. Good luck. Taking the leading role in your situation is a rewarding way of living.

 

[Freddyt]

I also avoid baths and showers because of sensory issues. Baths also make my stomach feel sick if I'm in the water too long but showers make me feel super dizzy pretty quickly.

I couldn't shower until I was about 15. While everyone else loved the hot water pouring over them I freaked out. Could not turn my face into the stream of water.
Why? Same reason swimming where I had to put my face under water was a no go. Trauma stuff.

So - I finally did what amounts to exposure therapy. And I got to - can't drown in the shower. I can breath OK and just hold my breath when my face was facing the shower stream. So - showers were short at first. Hair, arms, legs, pits, back, front, undercarriage, face and ears, done. And then dry off. Actually made a game of getting everything washed as fast as I could. I would plan it all out in my head then get in and do all the parts like a checklist - which I learned later is a way to stop rumination. Focus on one thing so I didn't focus on something else.

So if I was you I would figure out grounding stuff for the bath and shower. Stuff like "I am safe, the water fees good, I am clean, I smell good, as soon as I get washed I can wrap up in a big fluffy towel" Do the checklist thing while washing. Stay away from thinking how it feels icky...