Blues I was late for my appointment today and that heightend the anxiety I was already feeling this morning before I got there, and my journey involves me travelling past a trauma scene and an abusers house. I make it to the appointment though reasonably in tact considering those facts. I am finding it difficult because I would so like tobe able to talk (voice talk) to someone and there just isn't anyone to talk to and say what I need to say and feel what I need to feel at the moment.
Thankyou again for taking the time to and trouble to respomd to me like this it is appreciated, as this forum is my support and contact, it is pretty much all of my support and contact (in truth this week has been hell) and the thing that is holding me together is the hope i have when I come to the forum here. I just feel very disconnected inside myself and the pain is quite intense, short of checking myself into the doctors or something (and that would require me to be completely out of control, and I am doing everything I can do not to be in that state right now..) well short of saying something about how extreme I am feeling and I would have to be soo way past where I am at present for me to be able to do that and soo far over the top.. soo I woould be way past how I want to be and still having to deal with this as best as I can today, because I would have to be dangerous really dangerous to get emergency treatment and even then I am not sure. I am supremely grateful to have this forum to come to and write and find a way to learn to get through the feelings I am experiencing at the moment. One step at a time and they may again be really small steps but I am taking them and constantly attempting in pushing through my anxiety levels now rather than giving into the anxiety and fear and letting it consume me.
To go to the extreme would be me giving into the overwhelming fears and pain I am experiencing and right now I refuse to do that. I am still here and I am still going I will not lie down and let this take over and rob me of my life, I am here and I am a fighter today, and that is what I need to be right now I think, I need to fight for myself perhaps, really fight again.
I hope this is alrigth to say this here in this thread, it has been a bad week and I just cant give in to how I am feeling, and I cant put this onto others, so I am putting this out there and it is up to other people if they choose to read me or choose to support me, I am up and I am trying to fight because I am not out yet. Thankyou for your friendship and support here, I think I need to heal a little more today before posting anythng further perhaps. Because I dont want to hurt anyone else in the process of me working this through here.
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