The therapist I've seen for just about 5 yrs wants me to see someone else to work on EMDR therapy. I am so nervous about this, as he says that seeing a new therapist would mean I would no longer see him. I try to be tough and act like that doesn't bother me but feeling really upset over not seeing my original therapist again. I have seen him nearly weekly for 5 yrs. There's been times where I have had a week or 2 break and I am ok with that but this came on suddenly and I would be done after this coming week. This is all to fast to just end therapy with someone. I don't know if I should even try EMDR it all kinda sounds a little odd to me. If I stay with my therapist we need to work on trauma/exposure therapy which sucks too as I have done that before with him. I think the problem with it not working so well is I have always just read narratives over and over and I can unintentionally block my mind from thinking about what I am reading. I think if I was forced to just talk about the trauma over and over it would be more effective (which I need to bring up to my therapist if I stay). I don't know what to do about all this I am coming out of a suicidal phase and my mind isn't up to taking all this extra stress and extra thinking to figure out what I need to do. I have been having a lot of flashbacks lately which cause a lot of anxiety and the flashbacks are leaving me in a daze and now I have all this thrown on me--so stressed over all of this.
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Emdr/ending Therapy/trauma Work
- Post starter kris
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- #2
anthony
Founder
I honestly think you need to change, based on what I'm reading. Five years with a therapist, near weekly sessions, and you're still suicidal and highly symptomatic. Sorry... but either you're lazy to therapy or your therapist is useless, or both.
I'm sure you don't want to hear that, but that is my opinion based on what I'm reading above. Five years with weekly sessions... the worst of worst trauma should be dealt with long ago, and you certainly shouldn't be having suicidal phases and such at this stage.
Something is very wrong, and I tend to think a change in therapist might get your healing moving along with a little more force.
I'm sure you don't want to hear that, but that is my opinion based on what I'm reading above. Five years with weekly sessions... the worst of worst trauma should be dealt with long ago, and you certainly shouldn't be having suicidal phases and such at this stage.
Something is very wrong, and I tend to think a change in therapist might get your healing moving along with a little more force.
- Post starter
- #3
I havent been suicidal in over a year and the lastbtime it happened was the same time last year. It the holidays and hunting season which my brother aka the person who abused me loved and also the time of year that he passed away. I have also just recently changed meds and it seems To have made my anxiety worse. So that on top of constant all day flashbacks that leave me feeling numb and not really here are whats causing that. Trust is a hard thing for me to do and I took a long time to trust my current therapist, I just dont know if I can trust another one. Or if emdr is a good idea when I am feeling like shit, if I should wait until after January 18 ( day brother died and when things start to stop bothering me as much).
Oh and we have worked on trauma therapy a lot in the past and it goes away but then new images have come up that I didnt remember, like fact I wasnt nine I was 4-5 when I first was abused. Or that my younger brother tried his turn at me also. These traumas have come up about six months ago and up until now Ibhave refused to do trauma work on them.
Another issue is I feel like when we work on trauma narratives that I block some of the thoughts and images, not on purpose but I do. I try to not block feelings and stuff like that but it happens. I think its because my therapist has me read them, I am going to have to ask him if he thinks if I just talk about the images if that would work more effectively, its harder to block thoughts to me anyways when you have to talk rather than just read something over and over.
Oh and we have worked on trauma therapy a lot in the past and it goes away but then new images have come up that I didnt remember, like fact I wasnt nine I was 4-5 when I first was abused. Or that my younger brother tried his turn at me also. These traumas have come up about six months ago and up until now Ibhave refused to do trauma work on them.
Another issue is I feel like when we work on trauma narratives that I block some of the thoughts and images, not on purpose but I do. I try to not block feelings and stuff like that but it happens. I think its because my therapist has me read them, I am going to have to ask him if he thinks if I just talk about the images if that would work more effectively, its harder to block thoughts to me anyways when you have to talk rather than just read something over and over.
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D
Deleted member 1860
You contradict yourself by saying you haven't been suicidal in over a year after saying you are just now coming out of a suicidal phase.
Which is it?
Either way, time to cut the cord with that therapist. I knew someone who did the same, stayed with a therapist for over 6 years yet she was still in and out of inpatient treatment. She said her therapist was "great" but yeah, by coincidence I ended up with the same therapist. Nope, she wasn't "great". I think they just ended up bonding and it was too comfortable to leave.
Which is it?
Either way, time to cut the cord with that therapist. I knew someone who did the same, stayed with a therapist for over 6 years yet she was still in and out of inpatient treatment. She said her therapist was "great" but yeah, by coincidence I ended up with the same therapist. Nope, she wasn't "great". I think they just ended up bonding and it was too comfortable to leave.
- Post starter
- #5
joeylittle
Sponsor
I think your therapist is being very smart about this; you've already done exposure with this therapist once, and the modality wasn't effective for you. I'd be glad to have such a good T who can see when their client needs a different kind of therapy - and if you've been seeing him for five years, you obviously click with him, and I'm going to guess he knows you pretty well.
Take his advice. Move on with a different trauma therapist. The therapists I have respected most always would say that it was their job to get me OUT of therapy, eventually. Sounds like yours is just recognizing that nothing is moving forward for you.
Sure, it's going to be scary and emotional. But remember: you likely will not start the actual EMDR work right away. The new therapist will work with you on the timing, as well as stabilization.
I'd say, go for it.
B
Barbara Hensley
Sounds like you'd benefit from trying a different kind of psychotherapy, one that does NOT require prolonged exposure and is more gentle (and effective!). I agree with the others here who’ve said that your therapist is really thinking about your best interest if 5 years of work has not gotten you to a more comfortable level of functioning. That’s the ethical way a therapist should proceed. Perhaps you could overlap with him in the beginning of your work with a new therapist and see him two to three times over the first few months of EMDR therapy?
One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR therapy involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life.
In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. You learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources. Talk with your therapist about how to apply these resources BETWEEN sessions so that you are not in so much emotional turmoil!
Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions. Your therapist can use a variety of techniques to make painful processing less painful, like suggesting you turn the scene in your mind to black and white, lower the volume, or, erect a bullet-proof glass wall between you and the painful scene, or, imagine the abuser speaking in a Donald Duck voice... and so forth. There are a lot of these kinds of "interventions" that ease the processing. They are called "cognitive interweaves" that your therapist can use, and that also can help bring your adult self's perspective into the work (or even an imaginary Adult Perspective). Such interweaves are based around issues of Safety, Responsibility, and Choice. So therapist questions like "are you safe now?" or "who was responsible? and "do you have more choices now?" are all very helpful in moving the processing along.
Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.
I use EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my role as a facilitator who trains other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems.
One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR therapy involves preparing for memory processing or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life.
In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. You learn how to access a “Safe or Calm Place” which you can use at ANY TIME during EMDR processing (or on your own) if it feels scary, or too emotional, too intense. One of the key assets of EMDR therapy is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you weren’t in the past, during traumatic events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or any method of bilateral stimulation that feels okay to you) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and say just a bit of what you’re noticing, anything different, any changes. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. And your therapist should be experienced in the EMDR therapy techniques that help make it the gentlest and safest way to detoxify bad life experiences and build resources. Talk with your therapist about how to apply these resources BETWEEN sessions so that you are not in so much emotional turmoil!
Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions. Your therapist can use a variety of techniques to make painful processing less painful, like suggesting you turn the scene in your mind to black and white, lower the volume, or, erect a bullet-proof glass wall between you and the painful scene, or, imagine the abuser speaking in a Donald Duck voice... and so forth. There are a lot of these kinds of "interventions" that ease the processing. They are called "cognitive interweaves" that your therapist can use, and that also can help bring your adult self's perspective into the work (or even an imaginary Adult Perspective). Such interweaves are based around issues of Safety, Responsibility, and Choice. So therapist questions like "are you safe now?" or "who was responsible? and "do you have more choices now?" are all very helpful in moving the processing along.
Grounding exercises are essential. You can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR." Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). The book is an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also gives lots of really helpful ways that are used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.
I use EMDR therapy as my primary psychotherapy treatment and I've also personally had EMDR therapy for anxiety, panic, grief, and “small t” trauma. As a client, EMDR worked extremely well and also really fast. As an EMDR therapist, and in my role as a facilitator who trains other therapists in EMDR therapy (certified by the EMDR International Association and trained by the EMDR Institute, both of which I strongly recommend in an EMDR therapist) I have used EMDR therapy successfully with panic disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, grief, body image, phobias, distressing memories, bad dreams, and many other problems.
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