Marymickaela
Silver Member
I haven't posted here for a couple months and wanted to post under an EMDR thread, but guess I don't have privileges. I've been in traditional therapy for over 10 years. Tried EMDR with someone else about 4 years ago and found it terribly distracting to have her wave her finger in front of my face. I didn't stay with her long and went back to traditional therapy, where I only checked in with the therapist once a month.
I've been seeing a trauma specialist and doing EMDR since the end of April. I go once a week. We've only done maybe 5 EMDR sessions even thou I see her every week. We spent a good 2 months giving her my history and coming up with Targets before starting. I told her I have trouble getting in touch with any emotions, which I think is due to all the meds I'm on, however, last Thursday I had an amazing EMDR session.
She uses headphones and I listen to tones. I set the volume and speed of the tones. This way I can close my eyes and really immerse myself in the experience. We decided my Target would be my dad not loving me, but when we started the first thing I thought of was when I was about 3 and my dad and I playing doctor. He was so loving and I had so much fun playing with my nurses’ kit. I’d jump out of bed, get the med, go back and we giggled and laughed, he’d hug me tight and I had so much fun. I continued talking about lots of other times I felt love from him, mostly when I was little.
My mind then went blank and I couldn’t think of anything. I told my Tdoc and she said to just go with it. It bothered me that all there was was a blank screen in my mind so I finally slowed my breathing down, and started moving my closed eyes in sync with the tones. I don’t know how much time past, but I was suddenly the 4 year-old me, in my bedroom, which was directly above my parent’s bedroom. I could hear my mom begging my dad to stop beating her. Incredibly I was that 4 yo and so scared. I wanted him to stop; I wanted him to stop hurting my mom. I sat in the chair and started rocking back and forth, which I think was to comfort myself, but I’ll have to ask her next week. Finally she asked if the adult me could find a way to comfort that little girl and I said yes. In my mind I went over to her, put my arms around her and held her tight, soothing her I told her everything was going to be ok, she was safe and nobody could hurt her. I comforted her for a while and then tucked her into bed, staying with her until she was ok. I opened my eyes and tears were flowing down my face. This was the 1st time I was able to go back this far. I usually dissociate, but when I opened my eyes I was ok.
What does the rocking mean?.
Saw my psychiatrist Friday and he said he felt the key to my getting better was thru EMDR therapy. I've been in therapy for over 10 years and never experienced anything like this. It's amazing that I could get in touch with that 4 year-old me. Feel her feelings. I remember this happening for real and thought I had dealth with it, but guess I hadn't. My Tdoc is so amazing and I feel so blessed to have found her.
I've been seeing a trauma specialist and doing EMDR since the end of April. I go once a week. We've only done maybe 5 EMDR sessions even thou I see her every week. We spent a good 2 months giving her my history and coming up with Targets before starting. I told her I have trouble getting in touch with any emotions, which I think is due to all the meds I'm on, however, last Thursday I had an amazing EMDR session.
She uses headphones and I listen to tones. I set the volume and speed of the tones. This way I can close my eyes and really immerse myself in the experience. We decided my Target would be my dad not loving me, but when we started the first thing I thought of was when I was about 3 and my dad and I playing doctor. He was so loving and I had so much fun playing with my nurses’ kit. I’d jump out of bed, get the med, go back and we giggled and laughed, he’d hug me tight and I had so much fun. I continued talking about lots of other times I felt love from him, mostly when I was little.
My mind then went blank and I couldn’t think of anything. I told my Tdoc and she said to just go with it. It bothered me that all there was was a blank screen in my mind so I finally slowed my breathing down, and started moving my closed eyes in sync with the tones. I don’t know how much time past, but I was suddenly the 4 year-old me, in my bedroom, which was directly above my parent’s bedroom. I could hear my mom begging my dad to stop beating her. Incredibly I was that 4 yo and so scared. I wanted him to stop; I wanted him to stop hurting my mom. I sat in the chair and started rocking back and forth, which I think was to comfort myself, but I’ll have to ask her next week. Finally she asked if the adult me could find a way to comfort that little girl and I said yes. In my mind I went over to her, put my arms around her and held her tight, soothing her I told her everything was going to be ok, she was safe and nobody could hurt her. I comforted her for a while and then tucked her into bed, staying with her until she was ok. I opened my eyes and tears were flowing down my face. This was the 1st time I was able to go back this far. I usually dissociate, but when I opened my eyes I was ok.
What does the rocking mean?.
Saw my psychiatrist Friday and he said he felt the key to my getting better was thru EMDR therapy. I've been in therapy for over 10 years and never experienced anything like this. It's amazing that I could get in touch with that 4 year-old me. Feel her feelings. I remember this happening for real and thought I had dealth with it, but guess I hadn't. My Tdoc is so amazing and I feel so blessed to have found her.
