Emdr

[seniorboz]

it helped me when I was so sceptical but scraping the bottom of the barrel I had nowhere left to turn. not a cure but a tool on rebuilding the road or bridge back.

what other's have said and from just my personal experience so you might not agree or have a whole different experience-
1: i was dealing with one incident. i am not sure how well it can work if you have a back catalogue of trauma to focus on. that's a lot of work i guess
2: the safe, happy place you go to, has to be one that's genuine. don't conjure one up that's not reality, i tried that as a shortcut
3: it took me a long time with one guy to even start the step. it's a bit of white knuckle ride and i found it exhausting at first once i jumped in
4: don't quit if there is no immediate fix. you have to work at it however white your knuckles go.

Yes, I have multiples, but there is one that I just have to avoid at all cost. But thanks for the advise.
Boz

 

[Fargo1]

My process was to work through each one individually. We started at the most recent and worked our way backwards. Although if we would hit a particularly nasty one, we would jump over it and come back later. As we went through them, they did get easier (practice, practice, practice).

The good news: I can talk about most of my experiences without redlining now. I can go into crowds (went to an Oakland Raiders game without freaking out!) She brought me from being about ready to jump off a cliff, to standing on the edge, looking at the cliff. No small feat that!

The not-s0-g00d-news: Still can't drive in traffic. Still have most of the other symptoms (although greatly reduced most of the time).

But I am only two years into the process... and barely starting my 10,000 reps....

Sir, 2,345-1, 2,345-2, 2,345-3, 2,345-4...

 

[vikingr12]

My own experience is much like what is written here. You must have a good therapist or you will end up farther in the beast.

It must be treated for each instance of a traumatic event. In combat, every day is a traumatic event, even when you are just in the sack.

And if it is compounded by secondary (mine is) it's trying to rein in a 20 mule team with limp spaghetti.

It did get me over some real corkers though, some I could not explain to myself. The important thing is finding that happy place and getting to it.

 

[seniorboz]

Thank you all again. I saw the new Doc (he isn't really a doc) and he is selling the EMDR thing and I guess he is very good at it and believes in it. I have been approved for 12 visits with him and he says we will start with a small one first. I did lose it last Friday and had to lock myself in the bath room so the wife wouldn't see me. What started it was that I received a letter from the V.A. telling me they were going to deny my PTSD claim if I didn't supply proof, they enclosed a questionnaire asking me what, when, and who, and details of the first event. So I called V.A. and had to ask them what they wanted, every single goory detail or what. I could hardly speak to the lady on the other end but she was very patient with me. How do you sum up something in a paragraph that will take years to understand and overcome? But I didn't realize that the clinical psychologist notes weren't in my normal med record. So I have requested those notes and that should do it. I'm not looking for money, just approval to go on seeing someone and receiving treatment.

 

[Sarg]

Boz, if you're dealing with the US VA, make sure that will do it. Sometime they like to have a personal narrative in addition to clinical notes. Even the best therapist can't tell it like the Vet can. If this is the case, you could ask your wife to write it down for you, she'll have a better understanding of what you went through and you get your form in on time. Watch your deadlines, they come up quick.

Further. Would you want money if you had lost both your legs? Of course you would, it affects your ability to earn a living. You must think of PTSD as a serious wound. One that affects your abilities. I personally think that PTSD is the worst wound. Lost limbs can be fitted with space age replacements. Organ transplants are becoming "in and out" procedures.

Warping a psyche is like a bent wheel, it don't mend.

Sarg

 

[seniorboz]

I appreciate that Sarg, but I have never told my wife about that stuff, and quite frankly, I've gotten pretty good at hiding the bad stuff from her, All my family knows that I've been diagnosed, but none know about the ugly stuff, just the hyper vigilant kind of stuff. I did write a little narrative, just about it being Dec 24th in Afghanistan and so on. We will see. Thanks again.

 

[Sarg]

Ah, Christmas night, 1968, 7000 ft., directing airstrikes on supply trucks. Odd that the gunners didn't take the day off either. Ruined my favorite holiday. So, you and I need to work on get the spirit back. Another legacy of the beast, struggling to enjoy oneself.

Sarg

 

[Chin Strapped]

Christmas dinner consisting of rations, hotdogs and Christmas hats. Finished by a game of poker with ammo for chips.

Never again :)

 

[vikingr12]

Ah, a chance to be philosophical.

Christmas, 1968. Just finished jungle (SERES) training in Okie. Some went to the rub and tug places. Probably should have. But I knew my next assignment was Thailand and I needed to heal up. Probably had PTSD already just from the training. They kick the shit out of you. You never avoid capture. I did enjoy a hot can of hash. My favorite. Now I hold my nose when I pass it in the supermarket. That and canned lima beans. Never did get a turkey LBJ promised. Man, there's some memories. I learned quick that I was not the rough tough cream puff I thought I was. It's a mental thing. Not a physical one. It's a rush sometimes to think of Before rather than After. Maybe that's the better way to look at it. When you think of it, we got through it. One helluva an accomplishment. I am here writing in a nice little office (messy but nice) and I made it. Maybe that's all I need to know.

The psych brought up some interesting things. One is that maybe I am just one of those people who cannot sleep. Just get up and read or write and sleep when you can just like Ranger training was. The other is to let it Be. When that ugly feeling comes just let it blow through you like the wind.

That'll hold me for a while............

I learned something in my college studies: the question Why? can never be answered merely because of the way our mind processes language. Ludwig Wittgenstein.Not bad for a guy whose brothers all committed suicide and was the last to die in his immediate family at 62. Last words: Tell them I have had a wonderful life.

I hope I can say the same.

 

[Chin Strapped]

Just had my third attempt at EMDR. Felt better, more trust.

Took me a while to get into it then things got vivid for a split second. Encouraging.

Thought provoking.

 

[Chin Strapped]

It seems this EMDR is right for me, taken about 2 years in regular fortnightly therapy to get here, but I kinda like what it's doing.

Not a cure, but it has begun to lift a black cloud I'm sure of it; memories are always staying just not as harsh when they come.

All about being able to relax and hit the zone alongside your therapist.