Relationship Emotional Shutdown???

[Lem]

So after a ridiculously stressful month we finally got home and my fiance decided to go from blissfully happy to breaking up with me because he didn't love me... after a week he finally admitted that he is angry and numb and doesn't really feel anything for anything not just me. I was a major stressor and he says that right now he is just angry at me although he doesn't really want me to go. He spends a lot of time with me and still laughs and plays even though he has zero interest in physical contact at all or anything remotely romantic as he believed last week that he didn't love me at all. This week he at least admits that it is unusual that he just suddently stopped feeling anything for anything. He called it his emotional shutdown.

He has no interest in anything. I could believe that he didn't love me if he didn't act like he wanted to be around me all the time still and as we are still sleeping together if he was just a guy about it. Hes not. He is completely uninterested in sex and doesn't really get fired up.

He doesn't want to leave the house or go see friends. He hasnt slept more than 4 hours a night since he broke up with me and he still screams in his sleep when he does sleep. His resting facial expression is one of total anger. If its not anger he is just blank and checked out even when watching a funny movie...

I don't know what to do. He admitted to me that it is possible this is just depression and is going to try and get help I just need to be sure that I made the right call and this isn't him not loving me anymore and really is a PTSD thing.

We are still broken up but living together until he sees how he feels.... I do really feel like he is too deep in whatever black world hes in right now to magically get feelings again. We were playing today and he grabbed my hand happily then dropped it like a hot coal like he was so angry that he was happy for a second...

He is gonna restart his meds hopefully... will that help? is this normal?

 

[Tanishq]

Lem, Right thing would be get the diagnosis first. Have you talked about going to a therapist or professional to see what he is going through?

 

[Lem]

He is 100% permanent and totally disabled by PTSD as a combat veteran. His therapist is away and he hasnt taken meds in 6 months.

 

[Tanishq]

Sounds like he might need to go back to therapist. Sorry to hear that your partner is in such awful state. It's hard to tell about how he stopped feeling for you.

 

[Sighs]

This is the guy who's psych report you thought was exaggerated, right? Again - its not.

My guy is also TPI with PTSD. VA does not hand out that status. He earned it. How? By being unable to EVER work again due to his PTSD. Hell, some days my guy can barely function at all. Other days he's so damn charming and "normal" I almost forget that he's seriously disabled by this illness.

What you're dealing with is untreated combat PTSD. It isn't pretty.

:hug: if you accept them.

Will it get better with meds and therapy? Maybe. But it may get worse before it gets better.

 

[Sweetpea76]

:hug: @Lem Mine's total and permanent too... and even on his meds he has his moments.

 

[Friday]

I made a rule a long time ago... Act As If.

I lose my emotions under stress. That's just what happens. (I blow up or lock down, one of the two. Period.) Whether I'm doing badly or doing well. So if I know in my head I love someone? Or any other emotion? I leave the status quo where it "should" be at if I could still feel. Usually.

Took me years to come up with that rule. Roughly 5. And it doesn't always serve me in good stead. But the ratio is slightly better than the alternative.