Emotions From Newly Surfaced Memory?

[WillowMarie]

I just was updating my trauma diary for a memory that surfaced this past week and I realized that I may be extra sensitive to things that seem similar to what happened in the memory. Has anyone else experienced this? At least I think it is similar. I wanted to get others thoughts and what might help me get through this.

The memory I remember was one with overhearing my dad complaining about something I did or said, and he was saying I can't believe she did that.

My emotions the week before it came up was being more easily irritated and moody. I thought it might just be lack of sleep or something, but I have been getting more sleep since then.

But this past week, I have been even more moody and just wanting to snap at people, and yell and cry. I have been getting upset and guilty feeling over little things that I could have done differently. I start thinking, why didn't I do it this way? I should have done this instead.

And tonight at dinner, my mum mentioned that my brothers didn't think my car would hold up over time, that I would have problems with it. This was back in 2004 when I first got my car and nothing big has been wrong with it ever. I didn't remember anyone mentioning this to me back them and I got angry and felt criticized, betrayed. I yelled at my mum, I don't remember this, who said that, why didn't they tell me???

I just need to find a way to release this energy in a healthy way. When I get triggered, my arms start this crawling/tingling feeling and I want to self-injure. This has happened this week with even the little things since I get this rush of emotions with them. And it is hard, because the feeling makes me want to scratch my arms. Argh.

I have been distracting myself so I don't self-injure, but that just makes it worse for next time because it builds up. What does everyone do that helps work through their emotions instead of just distract?

 

[arfie]

Amnesia has been one of my bigger PTSD whammies. I almost want to put it in the past tense, but it is hard to know what you have forgotten. For certain I was able to process the last rounds efficiently that future episodes don't worry me much any more. Knock wood... Watching the sky carefully for lightening bolts...

I go through intense streams of emotions when a memory block comes down. I have come to think of it as part of the healing process. Definitely not my favorite part. It seems to pass quicker if I work with it instead of fighting it. I balance the emotional intensity with physical intensity. A workout at the gym. Long walks. Digging in the garden. Painting the house. I shoot for activities which channel the physical effects of all that emotion while my mind is mostly free to process it all.

Gentle hugs, Willow. Take extra good care of yourself.

 

[WillowMarie]

Thank you for all of the suggestions, I will try more physical stuff.

It is nice to hear a reminder that this is normal. I just hate having to feel the guilty, ashamed, shame feelings. Those are super hard for me.