Emotions In Therapy

[Chosen]

So I have a great T, whom I've been seeing since Jan 2011. (He's college counselor, so there are session limits, so I see him at least once a month). I've finally gotten around to trusting him with a lot of details about the trauma in my childhood. But I have an incredibly difficult time showing emotion/talking about emotion in session.

I was raised to not cry, not get angry, or anything. It all ended up going to my digestive system and still does. I'm working on expressing my emotions more...and I have a huge amount of anger and a lot of tears to shed, but I don't know how...I know it's safer in my T's office than other places, but I'm terrified of doing it...I want to do it, but...it's like there's a block there.

Does anyone else get that way? where you can express emotions?

 

[Frogger]

Good for you for being able to open up about what happened ... I am not there yet, but know exactly what you are talking about in terms of the lack of emotions. Just recently I started feeling emotions but haven't really been able to put a word to them and really stray away from them. My T says that I am starting to unfreeze, during the abuse I froze and dissociated and wasn't able to feel anything and now that I am at a safe place in my life I am starting to feel the emotions, but it doesn't feel right ... before that though, I would talk about past abuse, not as bad as the big abuse that I can't talk about, but I would be completely emotionless about it and would talk about it like it happened to someone else. I too was raised not to cry, that crying was a sign of weakness. Im totally terrified of crying and expressing anger with my T. I trust her a lot but I still have that fear. Sometimes I try to force myself to cry when I'm alone but that doesn't help. I really wish I was able to express emotion, to cry and not feel extremely guilty about it, to talk about how angry I am and not feel physically sick, to talk about what happened and not space out. Oh, the headache! Hope that made sense ...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am not able to cry or feel emotions. I wish I could. I would like the release of emotion. I can talk about my emotions like they happen to someone else. I hate being this way. I guess I froze up because I had no one to talk about what traumas happened to me. I was always alone with them. My thoughts and feelings never got expressed untill I was a teenager. Then I could express my rage. I cried briefly as a young adult but it has been a very long time since I have cried.

I am very envious of people who can feel and express emotions and cry. Mabe it is more common than I thought. I do not feel so alone anymore. I think I have a block. I do not know what it is. I know I am not good at letting go. Mabe that is what my block is. I hope this helped.

 

[Chosen]

I'm glad to know I'm not alone, but saddened by the realization that others suffer from this. Maybe we all need to watch sappy movies until we get angry and sad at them? (My attempt at humor-no offense intended).

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Noah))))) (((((Gizmo)))))

I have the same block. My male T. has shown me his tears...but I just can't do it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yeah Noah that would probably work. lol. I'm guessing the tears and the emotions will come when we feel safe enough to let them out. We did'nt get this way all by ourselves. We had alot of help from the abuses and the traumas and being left alone with them.

It is like I can name the emotion but cannot feel it at all. I am numb.

 

[piratelady]

I have the same problem. I don't always have emotions, and never did in therapy. When I do have them outside of therapy, they're overwhelming. Then my therapist would ask, "When ___ happened, how did you feel?" And I would have no idea. I'm trying to learn to definition to different emotions so when I do experience them I can at least name them.

I think Gizmo is right, the tears and emotions will come when we feel safe.

 

[intothelight]

I have a hard time with emotion. I do great when I am operating from the rational side, but who wants to be Spock all the time. Emotions are a totally different thing and I spent most of my life disconnected from them. So I understand when you say it is hard to express them.

Because my emotions are so alien to me (best way to describe it), I have difficulty even identifying them. My T is having me start on some DBT exercises so I can get in touch with them, learn to identify them, learn how to express them, and ultimately learn how to regulate them.

It is a long process, but I believe it is important to learn to express them. Not being able to express them also limits our ability to feel fully the good emotions such as excitement, joy, happiness, etc.

 

[Chosen]

I relate so much to what you've all said...wow...I haven't really had contact with people with PTSD, so it's so nice--albeit sad that we've suffered this--to find that I'm not alone.

I intellectualize everything. I can access my logic, rationality, thinking everytime I'm asked. But very rarely emotions inside of therapy...but then I get emotional outside of therapy--no tears or expressions of anger, but I feel terrible and overwhelmed. And then I can't hardly even talk about it in therapy! Gah! It's so frustrating!
Next week is my last appointment before September...16 weeks without my T. :( It's gonna be so rough!

 

[ericaboo]

Therapy is the only time I am able to access emotions other than anxiety or anger.

Still - the grief is so far away and tiny - like a long distance call to another country...

 

[shell]

I started talking about my past, and would laugh about it like it didn't really matter, totally numb and dismissing of how horrible it was. I would have probably continued on that way until he pointed out how sad it made him feel for the child that went through that, and snapped me right back into feeling.

I wasn't fooling anyone. I can feel emotions in therapy, more than when I first started but I can't let them become overwhelming, or cry or feel out of control, if it gets too close I numb.

 

[ericaboo]

Me too Shell, I think this might take us a long time....