Emotions In Therapy

[Hashi]

When I used to see a somatic therapist, at first I didn't even know what my emotions were. All I knew was that I felt bad.

He taught me to pay attention to how I was feeling in my body and to describe it with a metaphor. For example "across my shoulders it feels like a piece of fabric stretched too tight" or "my tummy feels like it's jumping up and down". By following the metaphor, describing it in more detail, I started being able to tune in to the feelings and understand what they are.

With counselling, I tend to use a similar approach, explaining with a metaphor or talking about some art I did that symbolises the feeling. It feels safer to do that, and it's helpful because I still struggle to identify my emotions. Using an image can really clarify things for me.

 

[Chosen]

I've learned that people like me, second generation adult ex cult members, are really really sympathetic to everybody around us. But we never learned how to take care of ourselves because we had to take care of everybody else. There was no "growing up;" we were basically born adults taking care of our "parents." So even now in therapy, I try to take care of my T! (He notices and can re-direct well, though).

I'm sad that next week Friday is the last time I see my T before September.

And I'm not happy with whomever set off a firework and scared the stuffing out of me.

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

I have the same problem. I cannot access my emotions during therapy. I do, however, have tools to access them when I am alone. I am working on feeling my feelings and when I know I am blocking off, I will put on certain music that I know will make me cry. I have really found it helps.

 

[freeanimal]

I started talking about my past, and would laugh about it like it didn't really matter, totally numb and dismissing of how horrible it was.

This is very much me. I know that I should use the time to open up and be sad but instead I smile and laugh like she just asked me about the weather instead of sexual and verbal abuse. When I laugh, I know I am dismissing it, but..I have been dismissing it for so long that it feels natural. Therapy is *supposed* to be the time to process these emotions, but..I can't. I know that I need to feel and express emotions, but in the moment..I feel like I can't show my emotions to anyone, not even my therapist. Most of the time I don't even know how to access them to write on this forum. :(

I relate so much to what you've all said...wow...I haven't really had contact with people with PTSD, so it's so nice--albeit sad that we've suffered this--to find that I'm not alone.
I intellectualize everything. I can access my logic, rationality, thinking everytime I'm asked. But very rarely emotions inside of therapy...but then I get emotional outside of therapy--no tears or expressions of anger, but I feel terrible and overwhelmed. And then I can't hardly even talk about it in therapy! Gah! It's so frustrating!

Noah, I relate to this so much. I intellectualize everything in my life into pieces. People have become like puzzles to avoid or pacify instead of to connect to or understand empathetically. Reading lengthy research papers, writing papers, or working, is a relief. When combined with emotion, my brain shuts down. In therapy, it is very frustrating. I feel like a mess having to think and reflect on the things that shaped me, so I turn it off and engage in a very detached dialogue as if I were speaking about someone else. Not very helpful to the scared child trapped inside. :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

The last couple of days I have been tearing up. A few tears leak out.

 

[Hashi]

gizmo, I'm glad you're starting to be able to reach the tears (although I'm sorry for their existence). I hope it can be a release for you, at least a little bit.

 

[squirtsmom]

I understand what your saying and do the same thing I feel safe in therapist office but it is very hard to show the emotions and express them. I find writing about it then sharing seems to help me some . Not sure if this would help you.

Afterwards I shred my journal so that no one can read it. If I want to share it with others I keep them but I usually shred them all. Just a thought.

Also using a bit of creativity by using drawings on what emotions you are feeling might help as well. Who knows maybe this would help you. And I am glad you feel comfortable sharing with your therapist.

Kudos To you!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I just read this, thank you Hashi for your kindness to me. I really appreciate it alot.