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Emotions

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Jimmy1

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When you think about it, our emotions are changed when you join the military. 'I will wipe that smile off your face', 'Don't be a cry baby'. These are some of the statements screamed at you in basic training (Well I know in Australia it is). You are trained to not display your emotions. You may feel them, but your not allowed to display them.

This is also the reason they used to use for not having females in combat roles. The excuse was that guys would get attached to members of the opposite sex and if they fell in battle, they guys would stop to see if they were alright. Some countries have female fighters and some of them are the best in the world. But when you think about it, we are all trained to not display our emotions. No one can make you feel or not feel anything. They just stop you displaying them.

Another thing is that our morals, idea's, and our beliefs are shattered on the battlefield.
The old love thy neighbour, be kind to our elders, don't hit women, etc, etc.
We see up front and personal how cruel people can be. The indiscriminate massacre of innocent men, women and children.

My father died in early 08. I had only just completed my PTSD course. I cried for 5 min. I had only just had bowel surgery and my stomach was full of stitches. He lived 1400km away and I was not allowed to travel. I was still not really sad. I loved him very much and it was only really last year that I was really sad about it.

I have also been accused of being a heartless son of a bitch. People that I know have come up to me and told me something sad and I have not showed any emotion.

Margaret, my fiancée, has mentioned that I don't look happy sometimes. Most of the time I am, but on the inside. I still have trouble displaying these emotions sometimes. Yet other times, I can tear up at a silly movie.

The Anger emotion is the only one we were allowed to display. Aggression helped to get through a pain barrier when you were hurting. Think about a bayonet course, use anger.

Well, just my opinion, will be interested on hearing from the rest of you.

Jimmy
 
i often feel the only emotion i have is anger, when people tell me something sad i dont feel bad for them, i try to act like i am sad for them. when people tell me they are happy i dont feel happy for them
my last three relationships have ended because of my lack of feelings my ex wife called me a "souless bastard" people ask if im mad alot im not mad i just dont smile unless im drunk lol
i just recently lost a friend in a training accident in cali when i found out i didnt cry, i wanted to ball my brains out but i couldnt stop myself from stopping myself from crying. its drilled into your brain, take everything that doesnt make you happy and turn that into anger
charles
 
Hey Charles, there is hope mate. I have forgotten whether you are getting therapy or on medication, but if you are and practice what you learn there is a future.

I used to get stoned to make me smile. Now I can have a laugh at things from time to time.

Kids make me laugh.

Jimmy
 
Thats an interesting one comrade. I think another emotion that I saw at least was hatred. And I don't know if vengance is an emotion but you see the kind of effects of those two.
From my own experience hatred is a much more common residual thing with people. You get taught to hate your enemy and feel no pity (lots of examples from history show its not a new thing), then in peace time you are supposed to switch off ad be back to normal. The stuff I was involved in has resulted in a mentality of "never forgive, never forget" amongst people. So I think some kind of hatred is in the mix that has not been fully re-programmed (I cannot think of a better term, sorry about that).
I also think fear is somewhere in this mix a well. As you say mate, anger is good, showing you are a bit frightened is bad. I am angry with myself even now, when I think back at stuff I always remember that I was absolutely shit scared. I think accepting I was frightened makes me angry. Does it make me feel less of a man? yes. Does it make me feel less of a soldier (in as much as I could have been anyway), yes? Do I think other people were frightened? yes. Does that bit register and and actually make sense? No of course not!
Somewhere for me deep down in the shitty places of my heart, brain, soul... wherever this stuff actually lives, I think not being able to get a grip on my hatred and fear all feed my angry monster. Well thats my 2 pence worth.
 
I agree with you all on everything you have said. It is all about that fight, flight or freeze and I always find that I am the one that wants to fight until I realize where I am and than I am looking to flight. About the emotins I know I have them but they stay inside due the training like Jimmy said, but some days I have found myself tearing up but nothing comes out.
I know I have been in thearipy for about a year and a half now but sometimes feel like I am just falling deeper in to that rabbit hole. Sometimes I just want some one to just fill in the top, then I think that I would like to have been one of those who past overseas rather than coming home to fight with PTSD, would of been less stressful for my family. I love them and all but feel as though I just bring them down. Well that is the way I feel.

Nate
 
Nate,

My therapist told me that our emotions are like waves. Sometimes your head is above water and feeling good, yet other times you feel like your drowning. The best part though is that when I was first diagnosed and started treatment, the periods in the trough feeling like I was drowning far outweighed the riding high. Now I find that my head is above water a lot more of the time than before. Does this make sense.

Jimmy
 
"You're from Texas (or fill in the space with whatever state/country) - "Only steers and queers come from Texas and you don't have horns"........

Yes many things are yelled at recruits when the go through basic and meant to tear them down before they build them back up.
 
Jimmy thats a great way to put it.Nate,you make sure you let the folks on here throw you a lifebelt to help keep your head up,and don't presume for one second that losing the whole of you would be better for your family than them just seeing the part of you that is available to them at the moment! Besides you now have an additional "Family" on here to turn to if the going is rough.

Sue.
 
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