Ended 5 Year Relationship Because Of Ptsd

[Misty814]

Today was the hardest day I hope I have to ever endure. My finace of 5 years and i recently separated and have been going to couples counseling. Our issues are sex and intamacy. I am the sufferer and I for some reason discovered 1 1/2 years ago while being treated for mental, physical and sexual abuse in my marriage discovered I was molested in my teens also. So, needless to say i guess i am not normal when it comes to intimacy and sex.

About 2 years ago my boyfriend told me how unhappy he was that i didnt come on to him, desire him sexually, want him and he needed that in our relationship. I didnt step up to the plate. I did seek therapy but that was to gain my self esteem back, my self worth, nothing about becoming intimate again. Maybe i guess that was the next phase of therapy that i am about to embark on. BUT unfortunatlely it is too late, and he has decided to move out while we figure out what to do relationship wise.

Two weeks of counseling and he is so confused on wether to stay with me or leave that I feel it is all my fault, that I caused his pain. If I could have only been the girlfriend he wanted and been sexually and intimallty attentive to him things would have been different. I failed and he is gone.

I love him to much to see him suffer because of my disorder. No one should have to! To help him release all the pain I have caused him over the last few years i told him we needed to end it. I love him with all my heart and soul but i will not sit by and watch him not be happy at the expense of my PTSD. I so wish I could get over this part of it and have unhibited sex and tell him what I want and how he makes me feel. BUT that inner voice inside has not found its way out but it does scream constantly and i am hoping one day it will be heard.

For now I hope he can feel the burden of me off his shoulders. PTSD is horrible and to live wiith it everyday is very draining. I hope with continued treatment I will one day fine a way to manage it have a healthy happy realtionship and maybe someday with Ryan, my true love.

 

[missmary]

Be careful that you aren't being a martyr here. You leaving him isn't helping him right now you're doing the classic fight or flight we tend to do because it sounds like you two were getting close to the source of your issues. You suffer sexual trauma, and he is in need of your intimacy. DING! There's a settlement here where you can find bliss together. You just have to find it.

I think that you should try taking baby steps. He's not asking you to go on a crazy wild ride and rock his world like no other. It sounds like he's feeling unattractive to you and you coming to him would be reassuring. It could be simple small gestures like setting a scene with candles and making yourself available. It doesn't have to feel degrading. It can be drawing a bath and inviting him to join you and let nature take it's course. I'm just saying that your PTSD likely isn't his problem, I think it's that he needs to be emotionally nurtured in that intimate sense that only you can give him.

I hope this makes sense, I don't mean to take away from your feelings or anything- but sometimes we can get so caught up in our own cycles and roller coaster of emotions that we forget those around us have them too. That's all.