J
jaderade
Over the past month my depression/anxiety has been entering a new level of horribleness.
For the longest time I often described my state as being completely covered in bubble wrap and thrown in to the ocean. It was suffocating, it was numbing, it felt like I was just so covered in panic that I couldn't move.
And now...it's like the constrictions are gone, but I'm a ghost haunting a long-abandoned old church. The lights are off, there are dark halls all over, signs of life throughout but all the people are long gone. I'm shouting and only hearing echoes. Attempting to move some dust around, but my hand simply goes through whatever it touches.
And because my mind is interpreting the shift as "not what it used to be", I'm at a point wondering if this is what being "better" is? Hell, I'm wondering what being better even feels like nowadays. It's been so long. The background tone in my life has been on a constant, low hum that I can't help but wonder if this is what life is for me now.
I don't know. Sorry. Just had to get it out.
For the longest time I often described my state as being completely covered in bubble wrap and thrown in to the ocean. It was suffocating, it was numbing, it felt like I was just so covered in panic that I couldn't move.
And now...it's like the constrictions are gone, but I'm a ghost haunting a long-abandoned old church. The lights are off, there are dark halls all over, signs of life throughout but all the people are long gone. I'm shouting and only hearing echoes. Attempting to move some dust around, but my hand simply goes through whatever it touches.
And because my mind is interpreting the shift as "not what it used to be", I'm at a point wondering if this is what being "better" is? Hell, I'm wondering what being better even feels like nowadays. It's been so long. The background tone in my life has been on a constant, low hum that I can't help but wonder if this is what life is for me now.
I don't know. Sorry. Just had to get it out.
