Every Damn Thing Sounds Like Criticism These Days

[Kintsugi]

I am entirely overwhelmed (but very happy) for the enormous response here.

I've just woken up, but I just want to say, @Ms Spock, that I think that may be the most incredible, assertive, thorough, compassionate response you've ever written in all the years I've known you, and I so appreciate your taking the time to be straightforward with me. :)

 

[Casey_03]

I get that way whenever I am stressed out or facing big changes. The only thing i know of that works is working out rather intensely and getting out all that pent up energy and anxiety.

 

[mamachick]

Ms Spocks post was awesome, much more thorough than I could have wrote, and good advice for myself as well. I need to copy this one.

 

[ms spock]

The first three months will be the hardest @Simply Simon, if you keep going, and you keep practising, it will normalise and it will get easier.

Not easy, but easier.

Distract your mind from ruminating on why you can't and how you can't as much as possible. It will come and go - but that is okay everyone has lots of thoughts about potential stressful situations.

 

[Changing4Best]

A friend of mine told me once that I take stuff way too personally. I had no clue I was doing this, but since she told me this, I have been able to spot it when I am doing it and be aware of it. At that point, I have to talk myself down away from the feeling that the world is out to "get" me. Or that someone is irreversably mad at me or something.

I did this yesterday. Someone did not return my phone calls. I immediately concluded that I had said or done something to permanently ruin the friendship and that I would never hear from the person again. I was ready to cry. Then I stopped myself and talked myself down off of all that. I asked myself, what if that is true? Can I survive without this person in my life? Can I find another person to help me with my computer (she helps me when I cannot figure out how to update it or some other thing comes up, like a virus...).

I concluded that somehow I would get by, come hook or crook, if I had to. I didn't like the situation but I can live with it.

Probably today she will call me and nothing will be wrong. I have to tell myself that too! That is important.

 

[Kintsugi]

Do you have any ADA accommodations in place for the PTSD?

I have an appointment with disability services on the 15th. That was the soonest I could see them because of my work schedule. Problem is, I don't have any accommodations in mind other than asking for someone to escort me to my car after class (I'm taking night classes). I really have no good ideas for what would help me at school as relates to my PTSD. This subject turned into a whole messy thing when I was talking to my T. I got really emotional because my T was doing her thing, being the down-to-business person she is, and all of her suggestions and questions were just too much.

Does the school have a counseling center?

Yes, although I'm not sure they can really help me. The first school counselor I saw at my alma mater said to me, "Well, you clearly know more about PTSD and coping mechanisms than I do."

Unfortunately, I can't go to school part time if I want it to be free. On top of school and work, my scholarship is in exchange for a research assistantship. I got crazy lucky with my assistantship; I get to be an editorial assistant to my advisor, who is a very cool guy, but it's eight hours a week, so it stretches me out a bit more than I'd be otherwise.

Grad school can be like trying to take a drink out a firehose even without PTSD.

Thanks for the laugh! :hilarious:

What does your T say?

Not quite sure yet. I saw her the day before my first class. It was only four days after I got the offer to go. I only see her every two weeks, so we haven't checked in now that the madness has started. I think she's probably a bit worried about the stress of working full time and going to school full time, but she's very optimistic about what grad school means for my sense of purpose and drive.

Some quiet time, and your positives, a few breaks from a tough schedule, and lots and lots of ice cream.

I've definitely been scheduling quiet time and frequent breaks. It just feels like I have so little time. I'm all over the ice cream, too. :)

Just finished a book by Elyn R Saks

I really admire this lady. I loved her TED Talk.

If you want to stop everything feeling like a criticism then you have to stop the inner Abuse of yourself that is twisting everything into something that feels like criticism. You have to stop criticising yourself and being so harsh with yourself.

I've really taken this to heart and have kept it firmly in mind.

I have to say, Spock, there's a lot I'd like to respond to further in your post, but I first want to know where you get the impression that the company I keep is comprised of those who are drunk and high all the time. :bored: I think this may be a case of outdated information about my social life. These days, aside from light drinking, my friends and I are pretty sober souls.

 

[corvidae]

i went to and finished grad school in the midst of PTSD-induced psychosis surrounded by inept mental health support. take ms spock's post to heart, print it out and follow the advice.

also: schedule, schedule, schedule. one of the great things about grad school is setting your own schedule, somewhat: it can be kind of crazy re: 8-5 work day world. do you work best at 5 am (i did)? then make a schedule and stick to it to reflect that. i also prioritized sleep over all-nighters, unlike in my undergrad days; i discovered that having conversations with my professors and saying "i didn't get the paper/assignment/reading done because i had to sleep, what kind of wiggle room do i have now" worked oh-so-much better. i also asked my professors for tips that helped them through their schooling...amazingly some of them shared their struggles with anxiety, depression, etc as well.

you can do this. a free ride...amazing. that's every grad school student's dream; i worked as an RA and a TA and still had to take out some loans. support to you.

oh, and i was on antipsychotics for about...2 weeks? they're not called "neuroleptics" for nothing; slowed down my entire cognitive processing so i ditched those real quick like.

 

[scout86]

As far as accommodations go...I didn't know I had PTSD when I was is school. Looking back, and better understanding my own issues, I get stuck in this loop where I'm afraid I'm going to do something "wrong"and it expand to the point that I avoid doing anything and everything. Including people. Particularly people who might be able to actually help.... I don't know if it would count as an accommodation, but there were times it would have probably helped if instructors had been aware of what might be going on and been willing to start a conversation that I never would have started but needed to have. You probably have differ quirks, but maybe just being on record as having PTSD will help lower the stress level.

 

[Kintsugi]

@scout86 Thank you for that tidbit. I too suffer from anxiety and perfectionism that, when at critical levels, drown me to the point of hiding from everything and everybody.

 

[Lionheart]

I would suggest trying not to personalize what other people think, do, or feel.I know it is difficult tho when so many feelings and anxieties lie just beneath the surface..so I am going to recommend a lot of self-love and self-care and hope you know that there are many here who care a great deal for you.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Peace,
Lion

 

[ms spock]

I think this may be a case of outdated information about my social life.

It was some posts of yours I read awhile ago, some of what you said in chat, some of your chatting with people in chat who say they are regularly high or drunk, some post in a thread about you seeing a psychiatrist where you talked about people not wanting you to go on medication but the irony was how much they self medicate? It was information from all over.

Good to read that my information was outdated.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, as it turns out, the phone calls that were not answered by my friend were because she was in a house that had no phone reception. So it was my low self esteem that got me again! I really have to watch that.