surviving_it_all
Silver Member
After six months in therapy, I finally accept that I have PTSD. Its hard to come to terms with the fact that trauma can impact one's life so very much. I count this as success. A combination of therapies and medication has allowed me to slowly take back control of my life. The reality is that I never lost control of my life; Pain, anxieties, and fear just severely crippled my ability to maintain a well balanced existence.
In the last half of a year, I have come so far. Every cell in my body is fighting for a victory against PTSD. I have to get better because I can't live in fear. It is draining. The physical response I have to things that should have no threat is literally draining. I wish everyone knew just how hard this disorder is. I never asked trauma into my life. It just entered. Now, I have to find a way to overcome the very real anxiety, fear, and desire to isolate myself everyday.
I need to be proud of all the steps I take. I need to be proud of every time something I lost because of the trauma is restored. In the last 6 months, my recurring nightmares have subsided. I still have nightmares, but the recurring ones that created panic attacks and made me avoid sleep are almost completely gone. I have regained the ability to sleep in the dark. This was so very hard, but somehow I had the strength to be able to sleep in the dark. I've come to terms with the fact that I was a victim and have accepted that it is in my past. These are my successes. My conscious mind has accepted the fact that my traumas are behind me. Now, everyday I will continue to fight for my body and unconscious mind to accept it as well. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I wish I could control it completely, but to be able to do that... I would have to go back in time and stop the actions of others. I can't do this, but I can allow myself to heal. I am not running or hiding from this. I have to be ok with the fact that I am hurt, scared, constantly in pain, and overwhelmed. Somehow, I know that there is hope. I remember a time when I lived without this. I just want to find the part of me that is surviving it all again. It was not a fatal wound. They were not fatal wounds. I have the right to succeed and live my happy life. I want to be able to live happily again.
I have my family and my friends. I have the correct medical professionals. I also have people I can reach out to who are dealing with the same thing I am. Even as I write this, I am trying my best not to allow anxiety to win. I guess writing this is a success itself. Thank you all. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. We have survived pains and traumas that all but killed us. Now, we are learning to succeed one step at a time. I need to know I can do it. If there is one thing I know, I know that as hurt as my inner person is...this person still exists. It is time I live without fear. It will just take more steps in the positive direction. I don't know how many steps or how long it will take but I know that if I survived what I have survived then I have the right to want victory against PTSD.
In the last half of a year, I have come so far. Every cell in my body is fighting for a victory against PTSD. I have to get better because I can't live in fear. It is draining. The physical response I have to things that should have no threat is literally draining. I wish everyone knew just how hard this disorder is. I never asked trauma into my life. It just entered. Now, I have to find a way to overcome the very real anxiety, fear, and desire to isolate myself everyday.
I need to be proud of all the steps I take. I need to be proud of every time something I lost because of the trauma is restored. In the last 6 months, my recurring nightmares have subsided. I still have nightmares, but the recurring ones that created panic attacks and made me avoid sleep are almost completely gone. I have regained the ability to sleep in the dark. This was so very hard, but somehow I had the strength to be able to sleep in the dark. I've come to terms with the fact that I was a victim and have accepted that it is in my past. These are my successes. My conscious mind has accepted the fact that my traumas are behind me. Now, everyday I will continue to fight for my body and unconscious mind to accept it as well. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I wish I could control it completely, but to be able to do that... I would have to go back in time and stop the actions of others. I can't do this, but I can allow myself to heal. I am not running or hiding from this. I have to be ok with the fact that I am hurt, scared, constantly in pain, and overwhelmed. Somehow, I know that there is hope. I remember a time when I lived without this. I just want to find the part of me that is surviving it all again. It was not a fatal wound. They were not fatal wounds. I have the right to succeed and live my happy life. I want to be able to live happily again.
I have my family and my friends. I have the correct medical professionals. I also have people I can reach out to who are dealing with the same thing I am. Even as I write this, I am trying my best not to allow anxiety to win. I guess writing this is a success itself. Thank you all. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. We have survived pains and traumas that all but killed us. Now, we are learning to succeed one step at a time. I need to know I can do it. If there is one thing I know, I know that as hurt as my inner person is...this person still exists. It is time I live without fear. It will just take more steps in the positive direction. I don't know how many steps or how long it will take but I know that if I survived what I have survived then I have the right to want victory against PTSD.
