My ex didn't tell me anything. He just came on really strong and we made all kinds of plans. Then suddenly he stopped calling and cut down on texting. It went from everyday to every 3 days. I had no idea why. I wrote a long email breaking it off. He freaked out, he was so upset. I didn't understand. It said I was sorry. (didn't know for what, but he was just so emotional) It was a few days later that he told me. I didn't ask much. I guess I see it can be hard to explain, but i really had no idea how serious it is. I wish he hadn't come on so strong at first. I fell head over heels. I would have held back, and not gotten so hurt now.
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Explaining Ptsd To Others
- Post starter sweetcandy
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BlueOrange
Diamond Member
@Nico , I've told myself that I'm cured several times now. Ironically enough, the more I've improved, the more I recognize that I will always have memories that are upsetting, and there will always be bad days. One thing that happens with me is that I will deal pretty successfully with all of the stuff that I'm aware of, and find a comfort zone. I can be in the comfort zone for years, but then there is a change (perhaps I change my thought patterns, perhaps a change in the environment, perhaps both), and I find myself dealing with a bunch of things I wasn't aware of. One of the defining characteristics of PTSD is that we don't have full awareness of how and why we are triggered - if we did, then we'd be depressed or angry, not having flashbacks.
As for what is happening right now with your survivor, it's very important to bear in mind that:
As for what is happening right now with your survivor, it's very important to bear in mind that:
- I'm not a doctor
- I haven't met him or done any real investigation
- Even if 1 and 2 didn't apply, this stuff can be tricky and confusing anyway.
D
Deleted member 27340
I explain PTSD by saying that it's a condition where something really bad and scary happens, something traumatic, and because you were so afraid your mind got stuck there and now it can't really connect that it's all over and put behind you, making time stop and making you always use resources on thinking about whatever happened.
I explain triggering and flashbacks by saying I'm not afraid of the trigger (often people trigger me so I need to reassure them they shouldn't feel bad), I'm afraid of what I associate with the trigger. Things that happen today are associated to things that happened before, just like when you smell a flower they had on summer camp when you were a child and you remember summer camp, only I associate with bad things and a state of fear, throwing me back into the same state of fear as I used to be in.
For longer conversations I also explain the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses and connect it to all the other things in here.
I explain triggering and flashbacks by saying I'm not afraid of the trigger (often people trigger me so I need to reassure them they shouldn't feel bad), I'm afraid of what I associate with the trigger. Things that happen today are associated to things that happened before, just like when you smell a flower they had on summer camp when you were a child and you remember summer camp, only I associate with bad things and a state of fear, throwing me back into the same state of fear as I used to be in.
For longer conversations I also explain the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses and connect it to all the other things in here.
! have tried so many different ways to explain PTSD. I am not sure it is possible to explain it to someone who doesn't have it. Every time I think my husband finally gets it he'll say something like "So, it's the fear that something bad is going to happen that triggers you."
I am sorry, I really don't want to come off the wrong way, but... I don't think it is all that unusual in normal relationships, ones were PTSD isn't a factor, for someone not to call or text for 3 days. This more common in men, but many women are like this too.Especially after the excitement of a new relationship had died down after the first few weeks. Add in introversion which is a decent chunk of the non PTSD population that REQUIRE down time, especially if things have been intense like you describe. So even without the knowledge of knowing he had PTSD it seems like this wouldn't be out of the ordinary.
Feel free to call me out if I am wrong. I am already climbing at the walls desperate for space and me time in my relationship. He has been out of work and is home ALL time and underfoot, and feel like I can't breath because of it. /end thread jack
On topic, one thing I have learned is to never try and explain it to people by referring your brain in the third person. Or by saying "Half my brain knows I am not in danger, while the other half thinks I am." I had a fun time trying to explain that I was not talking about multiple personalities or having two people in my head.
I am sorry, I really don't want to come off the wrong way, but... I don't think it is all that unusual in normal relationships, ones were PTSD isn't a factor, for someone not to call or text for 3 days. This more common in men, but many women are like this too.Especially after the excitement of a new relationship had died down after the first few weeks. Add in introversion which is a decent chunk of the non PTSD population that REQUIRE down time, especially if things have been intense like you describe. So even without the knowledge of knowing he had PTSD it seems like this wouldn't be out of the ordinary.
Feel free to call me out if I am wrong. I am already climbing at the walls desperate for space and me time in my relationship. He has been out of work and is home ALL time and underfoot, and feel like I can't breath because of it. /end thread jack
On topic, one thing I have learned is to never try and explain it to people by referring your brain in the third person. Or by saying "Half my brain knows I am not in danger, while the other half thinks I am." I had a fun time trying to explain that I was not talking about multiple personalities or having two people in my head.
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@Fadeaway of course that happens in non ptsd relationships, but this was a sudden change. It went from texting first thing in the morning, all day long and saying good night every night to nothing. And when I would ask there'd be excuses. Then finally he admitted what it really was, not that I knew what that meant.
Anyway, last month he said he never wanted a relationship anyway. He still texts once a week to tell me he's alive. (We are long distance) For now I'm not really waiting. I'm making plans for my future. Assuming he won't be there, but I'm hoping he'll come back. I'm not looking for anyone else at this time. This situation broke my heart so I'm not ready to look for anyone new.
Anyway, last month he said he never wanted a relationship anyway. He still texts once a week to tell me he's alive. (We are long distance) For now I'm not really waiting. I'm making plans for my future. Assuming he won't be there, but I'm hoping he'll come back. I'm not looking for anyone else at this time. This situation broke my heart so I'm not ready to look for anyone new.
@Glara ... I think that's sort of typical behavior from what I've learned on here, read, and was told by therapists. My ex did the same thing...literally fell of the face of the earth. One day texting sweetie this and that to the next day a very militaristic text that was so odd to read. Then poof, gone. Never ever heard back myself. You have to prepare yourself to move on, especially if he said he doesn't want a relationship. Even harder given the distance. LDR are hard enough between mentally stable couples. I hope you find peace for your heart. It was a very hard and confusing process for me to go through. I don't know if we'll ever forget what happened and it will affect being able to trust another man. I've slowly started dating, but I am definitely keeping men at arm's length and observing actions/behaviors before I decide I want to get involved. I still come on this website from time to time just to understand more. I'm not yearning for my ex...I've done the healing process of moving on.
@Nico I know all that. I've known him over 30 years. We dated in and off in our 20s for over 2 years. When we reconnected 8 years ago we became close friends and we reconnected romantically last year. I don't know what the future holds, but I don't think he'll be completely out of my life. I just have to decide what's right for me. We have a long history.
@Glara WOW...my story is somewhat similar. I've known mine for 20 years and like you guys, we dated once before and he's always been in my life as a friend. 20 years ago, I was way too young to want anything serious and not long after that, he was joining the Navy. I wanted no part in being a military wife...that early in the game. I didn't know your story, but thanks for sharing. *hugs*
@Nico, his is actually cptsd. I'm sure he had it bake then as well but maybe not as pronounced. He told me he was diagnosed 5 years ago. All I knew about ptsd was things like nightmares and flashbacks they way they show it on tv. As soon as the told me I started reading and saw immediately about the push and pull in relationships. Of course now he says he never promised or insinuated anything. He never promise but he do more than insinuate.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. I have to accept it at face value. He does drop a text every week, to say he's alive. He sent me a suicide text in Oct and signed himself out if a hospital in Feb. So of course I'm worried. So he checks in. I deleted him from Facebook because he acts fine in there and I don't know what's real. It's better for me this way. I explained it to him, because I wanted him to know I wasn't shutting him out. Anyway that's a brief summary. I still think if he had been able to communicate it better in the beginning it would have helped, but I guess that's not an easy thing to do.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. I have to accept it at face value. He does drop a text every week, to say he's alive. He sent me a suicide text in Oct and signed himself out if a hospital in Feb. So of course I'm worried. So he checks in. I deleted him from Facebook because he acts fine in there and I don't know what's real. It's better for me this way. I explained it to him, because I wanted him to know I wasn't shutting him out. Anyway that's a brief summary. I still think if he had been able to communicate it better in the beginning it would have helped, but I guess that's not an easy thing to do.
OMG @Glara , I also had to delete mine off of FB. He would parade around on there as if he was Mr. Fabulous. It broke my heart seeing that stuff all whilst being shut out. I guess he noticed I took him off, because he then deactivated his. He used to tell me that he only stayed on FB for me. I don't know if my ex is ok anymore. He hasn't responded to any of my past attempts at engaging. I even asked one of his close friends how he was doing and he hadn't spoken to him.
Teasel
VIP Member
The only thing I've found which helps me explain it to others (I have C-PTSD) is the articles on Pete Walkers site
http://www.pete-walker.com/index.htm
When I've presented various of those articles to my partner, they make perfect sense to him in a way that I have never been able to explain.
http://www.pete-walker.com/index.htm
When I've presented various of those articles to my partner, they make perfect sense to him in a way that I have never been able to explain.
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