General Facebook Dilemma

[lovinbiker]

Hi all,

Now I will start by saying my girlfriend is at the moment at a real struggle with her PTSD and indeed OCD. I have not seen her or talked to her on the phone for some weeks now.

We do still talk via facebook every 2 days give or take. I do wonder if having me on there is bad for her and maybe me too. I try and let her know by a status how I am and thus also that im online giving her a chance to get off if she doesnt want to talk. She normally is online tho and I generally say hi.

I try and keep the converstion short and not ask her to talk or push her about how she is feeling. She always asked how I am and I tell her im good and how my day went and small talk like that. Basically I try and keep the converstion happy as much as possible but do remind her that im always here if she needs me.

If she didnt want to talk surely she wouldnt be online? am I best staying away from facebook for a bit to ensure she gets some space?. I wont deny that I do go on there to get an idea of how she is coping from day to day, even if I dont respond or go online myself.Am i being selfish? Any replies would be grateful

Thanks LB

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Lovinbiker,
how thoughtful and caring you are!
When I was really poorly with my PTSD, I spent a lot of time on facebook etc, to fill the time as I was unable to go to work. However I checked the box to make it appear to others that I was NOT online even tho' I was. I am sure that if your Girlfriend wanted peace she would do that too.

I would suggest you stay on Facebook and keep giving her the support. I am sure she appreciates it!

Regards

Lucy x

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi Lucy,

Thanks for your reply and was kinda what I was hoping someone would say. I will stay on facebook and will always give her my support.

I would love to hear anyone elses opinion or experience of this type of situation.

 

[amethist]

Hi lovinbiker

Seems like she is quite happy to have this contact, kept friendly and light, it should be OK. If she did not want you to see what she was posting, she would block you from seeing it.

Just carry on as you are, we all look at what others are doing, but not necessarily comment.As long as you are not using it as a way to keep an eye on her, then there should be no issues.

Keep going, your doing OK. keep doing your own thing too. :thumbs-up

Amethist

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi Amethist,

Thanks for your reply, I am doing just as you say and keeping it light and happy no awkward questions about how she is coping or anything.

When you say keep an eye on her? im only looking to see how she is thats all and to know if she is on a really bad day or slightly better day lol.

Thanks for saying im doing ok I do feel I am coping much better, I am doing my own thing too and enjoying myself as much as possible

 

[oFant0mo]

I find issues with facebook and my relationship, mine more because at one time i had alot of female friends. Some I still talk to occasionally. Unfortuantly I get the sensation my girlfriend is grabing her military issue bayonet and waiting for those poor girls in bushes..

I jesst...

But still.. its an issue even when I can prove that its a purely pletonic relationship. I have thought about just deleting my facebook, but I feel that it would just be something else. Sorry if this thought hi-jacks or derails your thread in anyway.

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi,

No its fine I think its still well within the title :)

To me a man and a woman can be just friends, I have in the past deactivated my facebook for numerous reasons but its nice to have it sometimes.

Hope all works out well for you take care

LB

 

[Nicolette]

As long as you are not using it as a way to keep an eye on her, then there should be no issues.

I think what Amethist was trying to say was to not come across or be interpreted as either 'stalking her' and/or checking up on her (not allowing privacy)....trust can be a big issue with PTSD. A Sufferer needs to trust you but for you to also trust them. If something like just saying 'hi' turns into them feeling they are being monitored it can likely push them away. In your situation I would say there is a fine line between being chatting and 'watching her' from her point of view (PTSD mindset and nothing that you are doing wrong).

At the end of the day all you can do is go with what feels right and trust in yourself.

 

[anni]

Hi LB,

I love the Carer's take on things. I like to read them myself anyway. For one thing, it's probably a good idea to give some thought to how i can perhaps not make my husband insane with all this but for another I'm sometimes astonished at the comments the Carer's leave! Whoa! A lot of them seem to read the PTSD head better than those living in one so you really, really get insights! I know there are a ton of books on and for the sufferers, but haven' seen one for Carers. One would not need to be some professional to write the thing, either-just live with one of us and care enough to wish to figure this stuff out.

I'm a little foggy today again, or would try to find the button and say hi! :) Hope it's ok to say so here.

Take care,

Anni