Family deny it happened.

[elbz]

They deny some of my traumas happened to me. One of the traumas was s.a. by a relation. They deny it happened even though the only people there were me and the abuser. The abuser has some people thinking they're the victim and not me. They've told me I imagined it, and I'm crazy. I don't care that some people they associate with won't talk to me or what they think of me. They can think what they want. I know the truth. I lived it, and live with the effects, unfortunately. It has impacted every aspect of my life. My current circumstances mean I have contact with them. We have a conflict in beliefs on how best to "fix" me. So they do believe I need fixed!!! They have alternative therapy beliefs which are in actuality, magical thinking. They had me believing in it long time ago. It was making me crazy. I do wonder if they tried to make me crazy. I also wonder about their own mental healths. I need to get away, I want to be free of it all. I want an entirely fresh start. I just don't know where or how to begin. I want to add that I am very afraid of them, and of what they may try to do to me.

Has anyone here been through the same, and gotten free of it all??? How did you do it?

 

[sidptitala]

My current circumstances mean I have contact with them. We have a conflict in beliefs on how best to "fix" me

They had me believing in it long time ago. It was making me crazy

I want to add that I am very afraid of them, and of what they may try to do to me

These ^ parts of what you wrote resonate with me so much. Being in contact with people like this is infuriating and can make you feel so crazy.

I don't have a lot of advice about being freed of it - I'm trying to figure that out, but I'm determined to eventually feel some sense of relief and won't stop trying until that happens.

One thing I'm trying is to not discuss anything vulnerable with people unless I'm sure that they care. (So, I haven't talk to my family and have a giant wall called 'don't discuss this' in my brain that arrives when people talk about the abuser or my relationship with him). It does help.

Do you have other people you can talk to about it?

 

[arfie]

hello elbz. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

my own way out of a similar situation was to make a life of my own where the naysayers have no control over my life and the decisions i make. from this safe social distance, their mental health and the opinions which grow from it have no bearing on my healing journey or my current day.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. welcome aboard

 

[Movingforward10]

My family didn't sexually abuse me, I was assaulted/raped by people outside of the family. But I told my sisters and outline in 2023, having made clearly a very sensible decision when all the things were happening not to tell anyone then.
One sister essentially blamed me and couldn't hear it, or consider me at all.

If they deny it, that really is far more of a reflection on them.
It's incredibly painful to accept their limitations.

I second being careful what you share of people can't be careful with their responses. It's a lot to deal with your trauma and the relational trauma of their reactions. Takes a toil.

I'm still in contact with family members. But much much reduced. Particularly my oldest sister. I accept the limitations of that relationship. I don't have any emotions invested really. I have no expectations. I'm sad for her as she misses out.

So, how can you get your support from other sources and accept the limitations from your family?

 

[Sideways]

Has anyone here been through the same, and gotten free of it all??? How did you do it?

Independence and solid boundaries.

My family are still in my life (work in progress), but I have very little to do with most of them. The interaction I do have with them, I keep superficial. They’ve demonstrated they aren’t safe to be vulnerable with, so I have other people in my life for that now.

 

[elbz]

make a life of my own where the naysayers have no control over my life and the decisions i make

That's what I need but I don't know how to go about it. I'm going to see if there's anywhere that can advise me, or other people who maybe could help me.

 

[elbz]

not discuss anything vulnerable with people unless I'm sure that they care. (So, I haven't talk to my family and have a giant wall called 'don't discuss this' in my brain that arrives when people talk about the abuser

This is what I'm trying to learn to do now. I read about it and some advice online is to be a grey rock. I think I'll try that.

 

[elbz]

that really is far more of a reflection on them

You're right. I thought more about it. Abuser denies what they done. That's their problem. It doesn't change the facts, doesn't change what they done to me. And for others I feel sad for them because they don't know the truth and are being decieved. But if they don't want to hear it, it's fine. I just make a mental note that they don't care about me.

 

[elbz]

The interaction I do have with them, I keep superficial

That's definitely good advice.

One person in particular is very patronising to me. Makes me feel inferior. They are emotionally abusive, for sure. So best not to discuss anything important with them. And also be as boring and grey rock as possible on their company.

 

[elbz]

The nightmare continues. They are invading my privacy now regularly. They are making me very sad and unwell with stress. I cannot relax at all because of them. My OCD has gotten so much worse. I wish I could escape.

 

[FinnBanks]

They deny some of my traumas happened to me. One of the traumas was s.a. by a relation. They deny it happened even though the only people there were me and the abuser. The abuser has some people thinking they're the victim and not me. They've told me I imagined it, and I'm crazy. I don't care that some people they associate with won't talk to me or what they think of me. They can think what they want. I know the truth. I lived it, and live with the effects, unfortunately. It has impacted every aspect of my life. My current circumstances mean I have contact with them. We have a conflict in beliefs on how best to "fix" me. So they do believe I need fixed!!! They have alternative therapy beliefs which are in actuality, magical thinking. They had me believing in it long time ago. It was making me crazy. I do wonder if they tried to make me crazy. I also wonder about their own mental healths. I need to get away, I want to be free of it all. I want an entirely fresh start. I just don't know where or how to begin. I want to add that I am very afraid of them, and of what they may try to do to me.

Has anyone here been through the same, and gotten free of it all??? How did you do it?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You deserve to be believed, supported, and safe. Leaving a situation like this is difficult, but possible—start by seeking support from trusted people or professionals. A fresh start is within reach, even if it feels overwhelming now. You are not alone, and there are ways to break free and heal. I was in a complete panic mode when I realized that my term paper deadline was just three days away. I needed help fast and found DoMyPaper, which offers professional paper writing services that we can find here Do My Paper For Me | Paper Writing Service by DoMyPaper.com and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but after placing my order, I was relieved to see how efficiently the team handled everything. My paper was delivered before the deadline, properly formatted, and included strong references. I was able to submit it without stress, and I even received positive feedback from my professor. If you’re dealing with last-minute academic pressure, this service is a lifesaver!

How are you now?

 

[Diana1970]

They deny some of my traumas happened to me. One of the traumas was s.a. by a relation. They deny it happened even though the only people there were me and the abuser. The abuser has some people thinking they're the victim and not me. They've told me I imagined it, and I'm crazy. I don't care that some people they associate with won't talk to me or what they think of me. They can think what they want. I know the truth. I lived it, and live with the effects, unfortunately. It has impacted every aspect of my life. My current circumstances mean I have contact with them. We have a conflict in beliefs on how best to "fix" me. So they do believe I need fixed!!! They have alternative therapy beliefs which are in actuality, magical thinking. They had me believing in it long time ago. It was making me crazy. I do wonder if they tried to make me crazy. I also wonder about their own mental healths. I need to get away, I want to be free of it all. I want an entirely fresh start. I just don't know where or how to begin. I want to add that I am very afraid of them, and of what they may try to do to me.

Has anyone here been through the same, and gotten free of it all??? How did you do it?

Oh wow this sounds exactly like what I went thru with my family. They were mentally and physically abusive, withheld affection, enjoyed bullying me and making me suffer anyway poisble. I also endured SA by a family member in the household. It didnt just impact my life it pretty much destroyed it. I too just wanted to disappear somewhere new anywhere away from them where they couldn’t find me. They denied any and everything, and actually protected my SA abuser. I have a small family just parents and one brother. My Dad died in 2020 and then my mom in 2023. All that is left is my brother who I do not talk with. I’m finally out and can breathe however the night terrors persist and I’m afraid of ppl. Keep standing up for yourself. Do not let them gaslight you. You are worthy of amazing things. Keep fighting for YOU. The fact that you’ve made it this far proves just how strong you really are. Hugs to you and hang in you are not alone.