Fast And Furious Depressive Episodes

[intothelight]

I have had a major depressive episode in the past, that resulted in sleeping too much, weight loss, a total loss of interest in doing anything (including getting out of bed) and a completely cutting off from those around me. It was a long downward spiral, and I found myself there for a period of almost six months.

For over two years I have not had a depressive episode like that; but what I still battle daily is anxiety. There are times the anxiety is so bad, that I will go days without sleeping or eating and cannot even put together a complete thought due to the "spinning" thoughts in my head. After a few days of this, I will find that I crash and burn with an intense depression and suicidal impulses. It doesn't last long, but it is so scary as I know that I am extremely unstable during these periods.

Does anyone else experience short, but intense periods of depression?

 

[Jen93]

I sometimes do. However, I know that it is only temporary. The best thing you can do is the opposite of what you feel in those times.

Eat healthy, eat healthy food, and eat when you are hungry. (I don't eat when I get like this)

Get enough sleep.

Try doing stuff like taking a bubble bath, or going to a movie, or read a favourite book. Do what makes you happy. Simple things that make life worth living that doesn't take up too much energy. (If you get lethargic when you're like this.)

And remember that it will pass and that people care.

When I get like that I make sure I remember that it is temporary. Not acting on an impulse makes it weaker. So every day you push those thoughts away, the easier it becomes to push them off and the less frequent they will be.

 

[piratelady]

I had an episode like that almost 2 years ago (it would be 2 years ago in April). I feel it starting again. I am trying to do what I can to help myself before it gets too bad, but so far it is like fighting a losing battle.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

My goodness, this is timely. Last week, last two weeks I had that. It scared me so much.

My insurance stopped covering my Cymbalta, so, since I started a new medication with a cheap co-pay, Mirtazipine, I stopped taking the Cymbalta. (My psyche said that if I felt the new med was working, I could stop taking the Cymbalta.)

Things were great for a couple of weeks. But, now I realize the Mirtazipine is great for minimizing anxiety and boosting my energy levels, but the Cymbalt is what keeps the depression at bay. Well, my inner Raven, the most pissed off one of me was livid. I had more than just the mild suicidal ideation. I think I almost broke things off with my boyfriend (though he doesn't know that). I finally broke down into a frustrated crying jag but had the presence of mind to write in my journal in all caps: REFILL the cymbalta.

Damn, it is expensive and no generic is available, but within five hours, I noticed the anger and frustration was subsiding.

Scary, though. I wish I had something non-pharmaceutical (sp?) to suggest.

Take good-care of yourself. Thanks for posting this thread.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Deb, the short answer for myself I imagine would have to be 'yes', as as others have said this is a timely topic and I am experiencing it now as well.

I think you identify a lot, in recognizing the preceeding anxiety and depletion of resources (such as food and sleep). Perhaps something triggered that, beyond the obvious. Cognitive thoughts or implications thought of that run even deeper than the surface (which can be horrendous enough).

I, too, can find it horrifically intense, if that describes it. For myself, I think it is started by cognitive thoughts, that is bad times and hurt causing me to question any strength or attempts forward, not only does it feel like it's been a house of cards but my future is depressing (thoughts of it), based on the present feelings. Then I guess it is all too easy to think of ending it as being an end to the pain, an end to what the future *will* (in my mind) be. I guess the crux and problem for me at these times, is I have zero reason to carry on. It's difficult to go forward when one does not have a reason to, or in fact when going forward is anticipated to hold nothing more or more pain.

I don't think it's an emotional flashback, but then again who knows. Perhaps just the cognitive comparison of how one feels now (for example, living with the anxiety), versus stopping it, though I suspect it's actually complex. Overwhelm as part of it, however.

I'm not sure where it is, but Anthony has listed steps to cognitively deal with anxiety, perhaps they could be helpful. Hugs and love to you nonetheless. :hug:

 

[intothelight]

I don't think it's an emotional flashback, but then again who knows. Perhaps just the cognitive comparison of how one feels now (for example, living with the anxiety), versus stopping it, though I suspect it's actually complex.

Junebug,

You really made an interesting statement here. For me, it is almost like the rational side of me is completely drowned in a negative emotional wave. Maybe emotional flooding?

It isn't depression in the true sense as it is so sudden and the down is so low. I know that certain medications trigger it, but when these meds are not involved it really does follow days of intense anxiety.

So the best I can do at this point is make sure I keep the anxiety under control before it hits that point. Another thing I noticed is that it seemed to happen when I stopped disassociating. Guess I used to do a mental check out to not deal with the negative emotions.

Still more work to be done.

 

[piratelady]

but when these meds are not involved it really does follow days of intense anxiety.

I read something about this not too long ago. It stated that depression and anxiety are linked. A period of intense anxiety can trigger an episode of depression. Also, while depressed, it can cause anxiety to be worse.

 

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

So true. I have two colleague observations coming up (they're going to observe my teaching). Being observed, period, is a YIKES affair for me regardless the context. Anyway, my depression has been heavier and, likewise, my anxiety has sped out beyond the spedometer!

Breathe-breathe-breathe, I keep telling myself -- in spite of the allergies and congestion. Ha.

(((Here's to grounding for us all.)))

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Deb, the more I think about it, the intensity and speed it occurs, an emotional flashback, somehow triggered, is what I WOULD guess (going by myself). Like a sudden drop off a cliff. Perhaps to find the trigger will help with awareness, then (potential) predictability and 'we' can arm ourselves. It's when we're taken off guard I think it's even worse. I also think "HALT" can apply (that is, are you 'hungry, angry, lonely +/or tired"- at least 2 of those at the same time increasing the likelihood).

Funny today, I had a flashback which is rare, on a bus. I overheard a number said by someone, I was on the bus of course. Next thing I knew, I could 'see' myself sitting in a bus shack on very open road, used to take a bus with that number to visit my aunt in the hospital. It's hard to describe for me, but for me a flashback is like a re-living but I can also see myself, too, like having 2 minds (though I'd be happy with half of one most days, lol). Anyway, I 'recall'/ re-lived/ whatever term one can use, feeling totally suicidal. Of feeling not terror, but sorrow, resolve and despair. This time (now) I could put a word after the fact to what I felt, because I tried to figure it out, and how I 'looked'. I could use terms like aimless or exhausted, true on the surface but in reality closer was despair. "Lost" is the best, most accurate word, totally lost. Though oddly enough, I don't think I ever thought of myself as despairing as a word to describe it then, despite the lethality of the suicidal thoughts (or by then plans, of sort) but yes lost-and-despairing would cover it. Then I wondered if it (this) was just a memory, but no, I could 'feel' the heat of the sun even coming down upon me (now), and could 'see' the bright light (sunshine, but it was night time here).

So I guess the mind is very complex.

I hope things are improving Deb, it's so hard to ride out. :( I can only also say, however I feel now, despite everything, re-living that feeling today I don't even recognize it. Big big hugs for you :hug: , xoxox.

And best of luck SweetPeaandSunbird.

 

[Deleted member 18673]

I definitely experience sudden, horrifyingly intense 'attacks' of depression. I don't know what to say except that you've got to wait them out, because they don't last. The key is to not act on any harmful impulses while in that state of mind, just try to ride the wave and eventually the seas will calm down.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Thanks for your post. It is timely for me as well. They are fast and furious. What a great analogy!

I get them once or twice a week sometimes every 2. It can last for a day or half. I see somewhat of a pattern. I stop eating, I isolate, and I can't sleep at night causing me to sleep late. Then right before the plunge, my mind races and I cry out, what's happening to me? I used to be so full of life.

It is like a feeling of being trapped inside of myself. Like intense ball of motivation that is kicking and screaming to get out. Intense confusion as to why I can't get my actions to connect with that motivation to break out. Then the plunge comes.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and I SO appreciate that you shared this.

 

[intothelight]

For me, they are all about keeping the anxiety at bay. Once the anxiety gets a hold and I find my mind racing and my sleep is interrupted, after a few days, the depression will kick in. So self care and prevention are the only ways I have figured out to prevent the depression.

Easier said than done sometimes, but I keep plugging away and I will eventually get it.