Death Father Died Yesterday

[Deanna]

I haven't seen most of the family for 30 years. There will be violent rapists there, who abused me as a child. It is literally not physically safe for me to go there @Deanna's Gap. I am glad that worked out for you but your situation it has no relevance for my situation. For my situation that is actually very dangerous advice. I could end up in hospital with a fractured skull, broken arm, and I don't ever want to get raped again. These are very powerful White men with all the legal and social connections to get out of most things.

None of the family lifted a finger to help me out when my Father was stalking me, and harassing me, when I was homeless or when I had no food to eat. And if I went to his funeral they would all gang up on me and scream at me for not visiting my Father whilst he has been dying this last year.

Some families are just too toxic to have contact with, and my very large and extended family is one of those too toxic families.

They also don't deserve someone like me in their lives. They just don't.

Okay. Didn't realize the situation was that toxic.

 

[ms spock]

No worries @Deanna's Gap.

 

[LuckiLee]

@ms spock. I'm sorry you went through all that you did. I hope his passing doesn't cause too much.....confusion for you.

In time maybe you can heal your relationships with your siblings. Hugs coming your way. XO ❤

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @ms spock , for you. Take the time to grieve, for the father he couldn't be, as well, and the family they can't be, at least not for now. :( Stick to what and who is sane, safe, and on your side. :hug: :hug:

 

[ms spock]

So I texted my Brother then texted my Sister. Thanked her for the flowers. Sent her flowers. And that was big of me given the circumstances. So I am doing okay.

I taught again this morning with this great ecologist, and you know teaching like that is amazing. I learn so much from him as well as learning so much. the parents and adults were really in to it. Outdoors teaching of Art, Science, Dancing, Singing and Sustainability is totally awesome. I may have found my place!

 

[Recovery4Me]

I am sorry for this season of such remorse for your childhood as the one responsible is buried.

As for when my father-rapist was buried, after a time, some of the night terrors ceased. So although we are different ... may some of our peace at night feel as sweet. Take care: be well.

 

[ms spock]

It's still early days yet but I think I am Okay.

So I have been working at the Arts Conference and I have been feeling confident and powerful.

I have been putting out brush fires all day, managing the anxious, depressed, PTSD people and really being grounded and totally calm and walking conference goers to their rooms because the anxious people do better with you helping and settling them down.

Members of the Conference committee told me I was fantastic and awesome. They said this to me during the day and they also texted me this during the day when I reported an issue and told them my solutions. I just made executive decisions and fixed things they are most impressed by my people skills and problem solving!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

((( @ms spock )))
I'm sorry for your loss. You have become so strong and have overcome so much! You are back at work and dealing with more than you thought you could a few years back. I'm inspired by your success.

They also don't deserve someone like me in their lives. They just don't.

SO VERY TRUE! YOU deserve the BEST!?

Keep up the good work and know that you have succeeded more than most people would have.

There's a song..."My chains are gone" that comes to mind. You are thriving through whatever comes your way!???

 

[mumstheword]

So I texted my Brother then texted my Sister. Thanked her for the flowers. Sent her flowers. And that was big of me given the circumstances. So I am doing okay.

I taught again this morning with this great ecologist, and you know teaching like that is amazing. I learn so much from him as well as learning so much. the parents and adults were really in to it. Outdoors teaching of Art, Science, Dancing, Singing and Sustainability is totally awesome. I may have found my place!

Wow! Sounds like you are really falling on your feet! Your journey is so incredibly inspiring. I look up to you as a role model, I really do!
I don't know what to say about your Dad, but I just wanted you to know how much I admire you and respect you and take strength from your stories and your journey.
Sending well wishes and prayers your way @ms spock.

 

[ms spock]

I am still kind of okay. I am not sure but I am not upset or anything. I did a small thing to commemorate my Father and I will make an art work out of it.

I want to sue his Estate for compensation for what he did to me. Everyone is not going to get off easily for letting him do what he did to me. I will make my point. Unless he has stashed it all overseas in which case there is nothing I can do about it. But I want them to have to go to court and face what I am suing his estate about.

 

[ms spock]

I was away for three days. It was good. I did many things. I did them really well. I am really growing as a person. I don't know if or when I will get a response, perhaps this is it. I was worried that it might trigger me. But so far, so good. Comfort eating is not at it's best but still much improved.

 

[ms spock]

I am doing okay! I am proud of myself!