Fathers' Day Is A Challenge

[sarha]

Hello:

I just recently found this website. A friend of mine from a face-to-face support group in my area for PTSD told me about it. I am happy to have this additional resource to help me on my healing path.

I have what seems to be complex PTSD mainly due to childhood abuse from my father. I certainly have come a long way and am actually feeling more internally peaceful than I ever have, but I still find it quite challenging at times.

And this year Fathers' Day is again harder for me than it has been in a while. I have no contact with my father. He has not been willing to own anything that he did. He sexually abused me for years, and the abuse had a sadistic nature that has been particularly hard for me to come to terms with. I also was forced to witness his abuse of my younger sister.

I think that may be all I wanted to say for now. I just wanted to start posting. And acknowledge that I am struggling some today. All my life I have longed for the father I never had: someone with whom I could feel safe and genuinely loved. I am learning to be my own best friend and care for myself in the way I still struggle at times to feel I deserve to be cared for.

thanks for reading,

a member near Boston, Massachusetts

 

[Lucycat]

Thank you so much for posting.

I too was abused by my father. I have never said that before. Today has been tough. My step-sons have been calling to wish my husband a happy father's day, and while I would never want to detract from their relationship with him that has been so hard for me.

I did not know what to do today. I don't want to feel guilty. I don't want to feel resposnsible for the fact that this year he has received no recognition from me - or my brothers who finally know the truth.

And now I am going to go away and cry.
Best wishes, and thank you.

 

[Jade-]

Welcome sarha. I'm having a hard time today too.

Tomorrow will be a new day though and we will all get through this.

 

[KLouise]

Welcome and thank you for posting Sarha.

I too was sexually abused by my father. I have not had contact with him since I was 12 and I am now 47. I don't even know if he is alive. I have always wonder why Fathers Day is hard when he is so NOT a part of my life and has not been for a very long time. I suppose it is the longing for what never was, a loving kind father.

This year was different. I left my emotionally abusive husband 5 weeks ago and my daughters spent the day with him. This year Father's Day was agony.

Anyway, thank you for posting. Sounds like there are a lot of us who find Father's Day a challenge.

You do deserve to be cared for!

Klouise

 

[anni]

I'm sorry you all had a sucky, horrible Father's Day. My father wasn't one of 'those' but I knew one who wanted to be. He's dead, and every Father's Day I wish he'd be dead all over again. Luckily my own Dad is rather elderly and thinks the whole thing is ridiculous so is annoyed if one makes a fuss, which is great because I hate Father's Day, even without being the individual targeted for that particular abuse.

Next year, maybe everyone come have a picnic or something. They just do not deserve to be ackowledged, even with tears. It's Tuesday now, so at least a whole year until the next one.

 

[sarha]

thank you all for your replies! It is good to know I am not the only one who struggles with Fathers' Day. Lucycat: very courageous of you to write about it now! And KLouise, very courageous of you to leave your abusive husband. One thing that always strikes me when I attend my support group: how brave survivors are!

I like the idea of a picnic. For a few years when Fathers' Day was particularly rough for me, I made arrangements to spend time with a friend who was in a similar boat on that day. We'd just go out for icecream or something like that and talk about how we were doing. Maybe next year I'll reinstate the get-togethers.

thank you again.

 

[joobie m]

Hello Sarha

I have just joined this group myself and all I can say is I know how you felt on Sunday. I was physically abused by my father and watched my 2 sisters and my mum go through it too. TBH (and I hope this doesnt hurt anybody on here) I have nightmares and recurring thoughts that leave me with the heart wrenching feeling it had included sexual abuse at some point. The only thing is if it did I have repressed these memories very well.

For me the hardest part was all the messages on facebook that people posted saying their dads are their heroes. They just made me feel so violated over again and in all honesty a little bit bitter cos I really wish I could have put those messages. Not because I wanted him to feel special but because I have always wanted so so badly for my father to have been a good man.

 

[anni]

Joobie,

Please don't worry about what you post. It's what this is here for and it's someplace safe to do it, you know?

I clicked back on this thread because it was tough to watch my daughter this past Sunday. Her father died before she ever knew him, thank God.I won't get into some of his behaviour before the idiots in the court system finally had a clue as to what might be 'up' ( among other things ) but suffice to say I'm really happy he's dead. She doesn't 'know' everything, but Father's Day sucks for her since she knows enough. It sucks for me because I know all of it, photos included.

Just please believe you deserve to say and feel whatever you need to. Keep writing if you can, and it's helpful. Someone here is always 'here'. Next year there will be a picnic!

Do take care,

Anni