Fear Of People, Always Alone...

[safenow]

I get so angry I just want someone to try something so I can defend myself and hurt them! It's crazy.

Not crazy. Very understandable from your background. I was that way when I first learned how to protect myself. LOL. I hope no one ever does anything else to you.

 

[saffy]

Now I wish people would try to do something...so I can take my frustration with life out on them.

Hi Xena21

That sounds like you are needing to test yourself. Go on test me, I can look after myself you will see.

For me my first line of defence was I would get rid of you before you even get the chance to hurt me. Back off my wall is up and you are not even getting near to it let alone try break it down.

Maybe you can take that back a notch and test your people relationships/skills in less physical but more assertive way. Beat them off with your voice. I found learning to be assertive and knowing what that means has been a great help.

The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
“Forthright, positive, insistence on the recognition of one's rights”
In other words:
“Assertiveness means standing up for your personal rights - expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways." It is important to note also that "By being assertive we should always respect the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people”

Assertiveness concerns being able to express feelings, wishes, wants and desires appropriately and is an important interpersonal skill. In all your interactions with other people, whether at home or at work with employers, customers or colleagues, assertiveness can help you to express yourself in a clear, open and reasonable way, without undermining the rights of yourself or others.
Assertiveness enables an individual to act in their own best interests, to stand up for themselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably and to express personal rights without denying the rights of others.
Find more at: [DLMURL]http://www.skillsyouneed.co.uk/IPS/Assertiveness.html#ixzz2IuHFD1K1[/DLMURL]

I think that takes inner strength that many of us lack, unfortunately. However, we cannot totally blame ourselves for that. Our inner strength has been striped bare. Hope that makes sense.

Saffy- It sounds like you had a horrible upbringing.

It wasn't the best I have to say, physically it was equally as bad as mentally. But I have come to terms now that I cannot change their attitude or behaviour, it belongs to them not me.

I am not like that at all and did not, no matter what they tried to tell me, deserve this.

I can, however, change me and the way I think about things. I can always beat them that way. I am still the better person after all of that. :)

I am a worthy person who should be treated with the same respect I give others.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[saffy]

A very hard thing to do, but for the best of the child.

I can totally understand that Safenow. :)

And am sorry to hear that you cannot do things physically, that makes it a mental restraint too. :hug:

Cats are wonderful in that way because they are, by instinct, very independent and basically look after themselves. As long as they can get in and out that is all they really need. :) If the bowl indoors is empty for a while they will find water and catch a mouse or eat another cats meal if hungry. They can come in for warmth and cuddles too. They need no cleaning out or lots of grooming and baths, in fact most cats hate water ;) and no long walks. Lots of cats, even well fed ones will still bring their master a mouse/bird treat to show how clever they have been. ;)

I love cats but my dogs hate them ;)

Are you actually housebound? Safenow, sorry to pry. I am just trying to think of ways you can help with animals but not physically, if that makes sense.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[safenow]

Are you actually housebound?

For the most part yes. However, since October I have been trying to get out more. Up until the inversion hit so hard, I was walking farther and farther towards going around the block. Woo Hoo. I had to start being at home 24/7 in July 2000. I've had some short spans where I would lower myself down the stars and take care of business, but it was too hard those first couple of years because I lived upstairs. And crawling up and down metal steps in the summer burns your legs. I'd lower my wheelchair over the railing with a rope, then tie the rope around my waist to bring it upstairs when I got home.But then I got worse, and couldn't even do that any longer.

Now I live in a downstairs, handicapped apartment building. Since October, I'm doing so much better. Thank you for asking.

safenow

 

[saffy]

Oh, that must have been so hard for you living off the ground. No wonder you were struggling hun :hug:

It is really hard to image that in this world a disabled person had to tie her wheel chair to her waist just to get out. It makes me both angry and sad for society as a whole.

It is so great to hear that you are on the ground now, this must be such freedom :) Have you reached that part of the block again?

For me, I am in no way in your situation physically, but I couldn't do certain physical things and it affected my work ability in lots of ways and therefore also affected me mentally.

I volunteered in a charity shop, explained my situation and they found that I could still help by manning the tills ect. Indirectly I found I was helping the people/animals the charity stood for without actually being on the front line, hands on, so to say. I really enjoyed it and it could be done to suit my needs including the time spent there. If one day I only felt like doing an hour I would, If I felt I could do all day, I would. It was good to be able to be around other people too.

Just knowing that you can get out at any time you wish now must be a huge relief for you. :)

best wishes
Saffy )