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I began talking to a woman in my friend group after she came onto me. We fell into a routine of texting everyday, not a lot of back and forths but long texts, like letters. She pursued me for close to a month, and I was unsure of her; I just felt like there was something off about her and I wasn't that attracted to her at first. As I got to know her, I did become attracted to her. She has a long history of severe trauma and suffers from complex PTSD. We went on a few dates (that she initiated) and whenever I tried to break the touch barrier, she wasn't receptive. However, she would touch me in non platonic fashion; I got extremely mixed signals from her. She asked me out but seemed uncomfortable with any type of flirtatious touching that I initiated (touch on the leg, putting my arm around her, nothing very sexual). She would also stop texting if we discussed any sort of emotional topic. When she talked about emotions, it was pretty obvious that she was very disconnected from herself.
She began flaking on plans; plans she initiated and plans I initiated. However, we were still texting everyday and seeing each other in group settings and things were seemingly good. I wasn't happy she was cancelling our plans and was confused because otherwise, everything seemed to be the same as before. I eventually asked her about it and she said she was uncomfortable with "feelings". That's all she said, would not elaborate anymore. I have been very patient with her and given her latitude that I would not normally give because of her history and the fact that she is intensely working on herself via therapy.
For several months, we continued texting everyday and I eventually let her know that I wanted to spend time with her and have more of a relationship than just texting. She made plans with me, that she then canceled, but continued texting everyday. I let her know that texting everyday and not spending time with her did not work for me and I have stopped texting her at all.
Since then, she is at every possible group function or outing where I may be, whereas before, she wasn't. Additionally, she seems to go out of her way to ignore me and spend time with someone else, despite us having discussed that she finds him to be strange and that he makes her uncomfortable. She previously rejected him.
I feel constantly held at arms length by her and now she seems to be trying to make me jealous. I'm very frustrated because my time with my group of friends is now unpleasant due to her going out of her way to blatantly make me jealous. It feels like "oh, you don't like being held at arms length and don't wanna text anymore? Fine, I'll ignore you and spend time with this guy that I already rejected." It feels extremely toxic and immature.
I really like this woman but her behavior makes me extremely anxious and makes me feel terrible. I don't see any option other than keeping my boundary and cutting her out of my life; as much as I can at least. I see her twice a week now that she suddenly shows up to every single group function.
Can someone explain what the hell is going on?
She began flaking on plans; plans she initiated and plans I initiated. However, we were still texting everyday and seeing each other in group settings and things were seemingly good. I wasn't happy she was cancelling our plans and was confused because otherwise, everything seemed to be the same as before. I eventually asked her about it and she said she was uncomfortable with "feelings". That's all she said, would not elaborate anymore. I have been very patient with her and given her latitude that I would not normally give because of her history and the fact that she is intensely working on herself via therapy.
For several months, we continued texting everyday and I eventually let her know that I wanted to spend time with her and have more of a relationship than just texting. She made plans with me, that she then canceled, but continued texting everyday. I let her know that texting everyday and not spending time with her did not work for me and I have stopped texting her at all.
Since then, she is at every possible group function or outing where I may be, whereas before, she wasn't. Additionally, she seems to go out of her way to ignore me and spend time with someone else, despite us having discussed that she finds him to be strange and that he makes her uncomfortable. She previously rejected him.
I feel constantly held at arms length by her and now she seems to be trying to make me jealous. I'm very frustrated because my time with my group of friends is now unpleasant due to her going out of her way to blatantly make me jealous. It feels like "oh, you don't like being held at arms length and don't wanna text anymore? Fine, I'll ignore you and spend time with this guy that I already rejected." It feels extremely toxic and immature.
I really like this woman but her behavior makes me extremely anxious and makes me feel terrible. I don't see any option other than keeping my boundary and cutting her out of my life; as much as I can at least. I see her twice a week now that she suddenly shows up to every single group function.
Can someone explain what the hell is going on?
