Feel Like Giving Up

[Ikut]

I hate how some days the only reason death comes to mind is because I'm tired of fighting with ptsd and sometimes I envy the homeless vets. Nobody to take care of besides themselves and nobody to worry about besides themselves. I wish I could just run away from my life but that wouldn't be fare to my family

 

[Babaj]

I guess the flipside to that is the homeless vet who is envious of you having someone you care about enough to stop death from being the 'easy' option.

 

[Hupi]

sometimes I envy the homeless vets

Really????? You just said that???? No wonder you posted anonymously.

 

[Netuc]

Believe me, homelessness brings another set of problems on top of everything else. I really wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It is something that's very hard to get out of, once you find yourself there...a very dark, frightening, hopeless place to be, worse than where you are now.

 

[Ado]

Homeless is a helluva lot better than dead.

I like to put as many stop gaps in between myself & suicide as possible. Walking away from your life you may never be forgiven, but killing yourself leaves no chance of it whatsoever. Guaranteed hurt vs guaranteed devastation. Better of two evils.

Same line of reasoning... Putting as many layers between yourself & homelessness (or pick your fubar option of choice), Is another good idea. Why nuke your life if all you really need is an extended vacation?

 

[Oza]

Really Hupi or whoever you are. I did say it, and I did post it anonymously because I knew there would be people like you that would judge me for it. I didn't fully mean being homeless but I really meant not having to worry about anybody else or having to worry about any of our normal stupid problems mainly for me it's what does this person think of me since I just did something that I know is out of the norm. I guess I'm just tired of caring really.

 

[Jibu]

Honestly, your reference to how homeless people have it better than you while they are freezing to death on the streets (not their choice) is offensive. Perhaps that part could have been left out.

 

[Osi]

@Jibu... Doesn't offend me, and I've been homeless.

Especially because the reason I was homeless was exactly what the OP is talking about being envious over: not having to deal with all of the bullshit from modern living. Not being responsible for people. Not having people depend on me. Not needing to be for others what I was unable to even be for myself. I was completely unable, at the time, to do any of that.

Many people with PTSD get so bad off they have to have other people take care of them. Whether family, hospitalization, supported living situations... At least homeless, one is still able to take care of themselves. Not completely incompetent, yet. Been that, too.

Both levels of care are real aspects of PTSD that people go to. As do ideations of both levels of care. With the accompanying fears: of what happens if I can't take care of my family? What if I can't take care of myself? Flip sides to most coins. Not talking about it because it's offensive? Well, why not just scrub the whole site? Why talk about any aspect of PTSD? People can talk about wanting to die, and that's okay, but not talk about wanting to be homeless? Where is the sense in that?

 

[Fosor]

I know where youre coming from...its like wanting to die or run away. I dont think it was meant to say homeless have it easy...no way...and i dont think thats what you REALLY want...its just thinking of an escape...its hard taking care of everyone when youre all messed up. I get that and I don't think you meant to offend anyone. I hope you feel better ikut

 

[Wuwe]

Because to me it is like saying 'why couldn't I have just been raped?' It minimizes someone else's very real current trauma and pain.

 

[Vajana]

@Osi
You are wise beyond your years. If someone can't come on here to express a feeling without retribution, the forum isn't helpful. The OP isn't making a representation that being homeless is ok, just that they could see walking away from responsibilities as being an easier option than having to deal with all the responsibilities of being in a working world. Obviously, no one can completely understand the trials of either side until they walk in those shoes, however I feel sympathy for the OP who feels so desperate that they would walk away because the pressure exceeds what they can handle.
@wuwe you are comparing apples to oranges here. The op wasn't diminishing the hard time homeless people have, but only saying that they could see how walking away from real world responsibilities could be easy to do when desperate. You can't compare rape to homelessness. Not fair...

 

[Goloko]

Thank you guys and I apologize that it offended you @Jibu I should have said the specific aspect of being homless like what @Osi said and this is holdenmonty. I was the OP and Oza. I the part that I wish I could do is run away and not worry about being depended on. Maybe I just need to deploy to Afghanistan again or something. That way my wife and boys will have an income plus it would be tax free and get hazard duty pay, with family separation pay on top of that.