Sufferer Feeling Alone

[Nab4]

So here I am a few days later.
I've had counselling and been to my Dr they both have told me there is no doubt to my diagnosis and agree with most of you that my parents wouldn't change their negative thoughts just with a piece of paper confirming it.
My counsellor was horrified in them has said my dad could come in.
She said she has watched the difficult journey that I've been on and she believes in me. I need to be more proud of what I can do than feeling negative of what I can't.
It's little steps and I shouldn't feel bad for trying and still having panic attacks because I am trying.
My doctor was hard on me he said he wouldn't increase my anxiety medication as drugs aren't the answer I need to fight this myself.
I'm finding the flights so difficult having constant anxiety attacks
I'm not fixed yet and still in physio but he's already talking about reducing all my medication. My fibromyalgia will always need medication. I'm coming to terms with the fact my injury will probably always be here and I am dealing with that thought a lot better.
I'm off to work tomorrow to face this head on again this time I have lots of friends on the flight so lots of support. My support team now needs to be those who are behind me 100% and sadly those with negative views have to go in the box with the rest of those trying to drag me further down all those that I've lost all respect for. My doctor said my parents have lost patience with me and had enough because it's gone on for 8 mths they think I should be "fixed" by now and it's me dragging it out. They have shut off to any reasonable thoughts about it.
My Dr was talking like by the end of the year my PTSD would be lifted is that true ? Does it lift like that ? I always thought it would always be there I would just learn to live with the triggers and my fears.
I hope you are all well and enjoying the sunshine that's lighting my bleak days.

Love NAB4 x

 

[KwanYingirl]

I like the sound of your therapist and generally don't care for psychiatrists and their pill dispensing. The government is cracking down on regulated drugs and docs can lose their prescribing rights if they are non compliant with the new rules. Mine is always shaming me for still being on Xanax he took it away for a week and I had horrible withdrawal because of it. I'm back on a lower dose and doing well. But I'm not still having daily panic attacks. My advice is let the drugs help you tolerate the work of reducing panic through therapy. Then when you're stable then consider lowering the dose. Eight months is a short time considering the severity of PTSD. Kudos to you for continuing to fly. I am so afraid of flying. Are we really safe up there in a plane??? What can I do to not be so afraid? Usually I try to sit with Stewards and if they're calm it helps me be calmer. I have an eight hour flight next December to go to Curaçao for my sons wedding. I'm dreading it. But back to you!! Try not to count the days. Count the calming and positive outcomes you can manage. Over time you can increase what is pleasant and neutral and decrease what's toxic. The advantage I see you having is that you got professional help early and I think that will be a benefit for you. Me-I had a lifetime of trauma and I've been in therapy for fifteen years. I added body work (Reiki) and yoga a year ago and they help me learn to settle as opposed to extremes of feelings. Remember that in PTSD we make too much cortisol and that keeps us in flight or fight or freeze mode. Anything you can do to reduce the cortisol levels is essential. That means minimize the amount of stress in your life. Your therapist will help you figure that out. You sound clearer now. You're doing a great job. Keep sharing!!!

 

[Nab4]

@KwanYingirl thank you for your response. You make perfect sense in all you say. My therapist is an amazing woman who truly understands me. Work are ending the sessions another battle for me I'm sure.
My family I've now had to block they are so toxic and stress me out too much ...the fact they don't believe in PTSD its a wall between us.
They just think I'm going crazy and it doesn't matter how many times I tell them that I'm traumatised they don't believe it.
They don't see me often unlike my friends who have been so supportive and have never questioned my diagnosis.
I only landed back yesterday and already today my mother sent a message telling me how much of a disappointment I am.
I've not responded I'm not interested I deserve support.
The getting on a plane is horrendous for me, I'm coping by staying at the front of the plane reducing my triggers.
I'm flying with a buddie so I'm not alone with crew I don't know.
You're doing the right thing sitting near us crew ...when we look worried then you should
I've been flying for 17 years this year and that's the only big incident I've had.
It's safer to fly than drive as there are less accidents.
When we go through turbelance just think your on a road and it's a bumpy one with potholes ....nothing to worry about
Good luck with your flight and thank you for your response xxx

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Nab4 I'm sorry your mother said that to you. It is not true. You are smart and brave and you are struggling enormously. Hang out here with us. I feel your pain. In the U.S. We don't have so much trouble getting sessions. Mine are unlimited because I have a rape history and by law in Massachusetts the insurance has to pay for as many sessions as my therapist bills them for. Maybe other states aren't as progressive, but by and large there is help. If someone doesn't go to therapy each state has several nonprofit agencies for sexual and domestic abuse. Even after all the years that have passed since childhood, I still sometimes call their hotline if I'm feeling self destructive. Keep on keeping on. Things do improve with time and therapy and the support of fellow sufferers. What happened to you will never go away, but your brain and body can learn to settle a bit and not be so excessively triggered.

 

[Nab4]

Thank you @KwanYingirl being on here and getting the love and support by people who truly understand is building my confidence that has been battered down.
I'm so sorry for your past and the triggers that comes with but I am pleased you always have someone to connect with.
I'm hoping my airline will step up for more counselling but I won't hold my breath.
As you know yourself just having someone to relay back to you what your thinking is do important.
I'm off to try and sleep now it's almost 3am here I just couldn't sleep .
No matter how hard you block things and how high the walls are when it's family it unblocked itself and jumps over that wall xxx

 

[DarkSideOfTheSoul]

Welcome @Nab4

 

[Nb4]

Thank you @DarkSideOfTheSoul x

 

[Yugogypsy]

It's been a long while since I've been absent from this forum. Half of my family wasn't supportive and didn't understand what I've been through. Mostly, my PTSD triggers has a lot to do with people, communication and language differences (I'm Deaf, fluent ASL and my English is pretty good). My own mother has lost her patience with me. I've been very fortunate to be married to a Vietnam Vet with PTSD (almost 18 years) in which he has brought up the diagnosis after my traumatic event with authorities. My diagnose came up over a year now and at first, I thought there would be no cure for it, no hope at all. Looking back into my life, I've had the same PTSD episodes in High School and now it's been repeated with older and wiser mind. I've asked my therapist and my husband if I could be healed or cured, the answer's the same - no response to my question (more like a facial expression that it's up to me to figure this out). So far, I'm doing pretty good with less panic attacks, more control and gathering up a bunch of coping strategies to deal with them. I'm improving, little by little, getting out I, too, have fibromyalgia and ADHD. I've had a lot of practice in the mental health arena, much like if you popped your knees, you go to physical therapy. Mentally, what we all saw would put a jolt in your being and we'd be shocked right out of our system (in my case, an "out of body" experience). It rips your mental "skin" and bleeds until "stitches" gets sown on, the "nerves" are too raw to be touched and eventually over time, you can touch it again without feeling the "rawness" .. It feels like a new "skin" until you feel "normal" (define normal after such a traumatic event)....I get used to this new "skin" and over time it starts to feel like a new normal. I'm in the new "normal", trying to get used to the new "skin" and the brand new voice which I like now. I wouldn't take the Doctor's say so about the length of time to heal. It's up to you and you're working on it. It's all good.

Out to enjoy the garden and sunshine - no triggers out there unless someone walks on my property.