I'm a mature adult male who has been through a lot, I've done a lot of psychological 'work' on myself and let's just say I'm a survivor of trauma who has improved a great deal over the years (and have some friendly advice to share). I once suffered from tortuously intrusive thoughts, but I'm over it now. For what it's worth, in questionnaires I now score low on neuroticism (OCEAN / Big Five) and high on 'happy adult' (Young / Schema). I've got an enjoyable job and am healthy and relatively content and can do the stuff we're meant to do, like express our emotions in an effective way as well as allow ourselves to have fun.
I recently went in to therapy with the goal of discussing my current relationship with my woman, not my childhood or past trauma that I have hugely recovered from. The therapist, a woman about my age, is avoiding talking about my relationship and wants to bring me back to my childhood on the grounds that it must be connected. I keep telling them I have already worked on my past to great effect, and I added that we ought to be aware of the risk of re-traumatization.
Prior to the fourth session in, the therapist said in email that their accountant said I hadn't paid for one session and asked me to pay it; I replied with bank evidence that I'd already paid it. In the session, the therapist blamed me for their accountant being unable to find the payment I'd made (on on the grounds that I hadn't put a reference code on the transfer as asked); but no apology from the therapist for the false accusation of not paying, nor accountability from the accountant. Later in the session the therapist had me talk to my dead father in the 'empty chair' exercise; put their hand on my shoulder without my consent for no good reason (I wasn't crying or upset), and then flipped their middle finger at my dead father in the empty chair - presumably in attempt to show support for my criticism of him.
Unwanted touching is notorious right now, so it did surprise me. As did the insult to my dead father, which I didn't appreciate. But I felt pretty much 'meh' afterwards, like a big so what.
Then that night I had a dream in which the therapist, without my consent, kissed me and touched my privates; it was not something I enjoyed and was effectively assault. I woke up at 2:00 and couldn't sleep for about three hours. I don't usually have insomnia. The next day I felt dreadful, sad about my dead father, violated by the therapist. I bought a bottle of wine and drank in the day on my own, which I rarely do. I was tearful on my own and then confrontational towards my best friend on email.
I can already hear therapy advocates tell me this is all good, just part of the process, my hidden emotions coming to the surface, and I should work through it.
Well, I was feeling relatively okay before therapy and I don't like how I feel after therapy, how about that?
I recently went in to therapy with the goal of discussing my current relationship with my woman, not my childhood or past trauma that I have hugely recovered from. The therapist, a woman about my age, is avoiding talking about my relationship and wants to bring me back to my childhood on the grounds that it must be connected. I keep telling them I have already worked on my past to great effect, and I added that we ought to be aware of the risk of re-traumatization.
Prior to the fourth session in, the therapist said in email that their accountant said I hadn't paid for one session and asked me to pay it; I replied with bank evidence that I'd already paid it. In the session, the therapist blamed me for their accountant being unable to find the payment I'd made (on on the grounds that I hadn't put a reference code on the transfer as asked); but no apology from the therapist for the false accusation of not paying, nor accountability from the accountant. Later in the session the therapist had me talk to my dead father in the 'empty chair' exercise; put their hand on my shoulder without my consent for no good reason (I wasn't crying or upset), and then flipped their middle finger at my dead father in the empty chair - presumably in attempt to show support for my criticism of him.
Unwanted touching is notorious right now, so it did surprise me. As did the insult to my dead father, which I didn't appreciate. But I felt pretty much 'meh' afterwards, like a big so what.
Then that night I had a dream in which the therapist, without my consent, kissed me and touched my privates; it was not something I enjoyed and was effectively assault. I woke up at 2:00 and couldn't sleep for about three hours. I don't usually have insomnia. The next day I felt dreadful, sad about my dead father, violated by the therapist. I bought a bottle of wine and drank in the day on my own, which I rarely do. I was tearful on my own and then confrontational towards my best friend on email.
I can already hear therapy advocates tell me this is all good, just part of the process, my hidden emotions coming to the surface, and I should work through it.
Well, I was feeling relatively okay before therapy and I don't like how I feel after therapy, how about that?