Feeling Let Down And A Little Abandoned

[mytai]

Not sure where to put this because it touches on a few different things, but the main issue is being let down by my new social worker.

Some of you know that my T has been on vacation, she's back next week and I see her Thursday. While she's been gone I was introduced to a new social worker (one I get along better with than the current one before her). I started seeing her twice a week and we've had check in phone calls in between because I've been so suicidal. Our session on Tuesday was basically setting goals for my P.Doc appointment (oh yeah, I FINALLY got an appointment after harassing them for 6 weeks), what needed to be accomplished, etc. We didn't end up talking about anything else, she said we would do that at our Friday appointment after we went together to my P.Doc appointment.

So this morning I met with the new social worker at the hospital to go into my P.Doc appointment. She came with me because I had such a hard time getting into see him because of his horribly neglectful secretary, and she felt like she needed to make sure that I got what I needed. Anyways, we were supposed to go for coffee after between the time the P.Doc appointment ended and our counselling session started which was very close together. She tells me before we go in that we can't do coffee because they booked an appointment for her right after my P.Doc appointment. I didn't think anything of it, I wasn't disappointed that we weren't going to grab coffee and chat between appointments.

The P.Doc appointment went pretty smoothly considering the trouble it took to get me in. Many, many ignored phone calls, my nurse practitioner calling them, then the nurse practitioner re-referring me to a different P.Doc in the emergency clinic before I got an appointment with my original P.Doc. We sort of discussed my medication for daytime. I'm still going to take Cipralex. Then we discussed medication to help me sleep and to suppress the nightmares. We talked about Trazadone and the medical name for medicinal marijuana (pill form so no high). We are trying Trazadone first, I'm taking two pills at bedtime to help with sleep. I guess we will see if it helps or not. So that pretty much ended our appointment.

The new social worker walked out of the office with me, and kind of "debriefed" with me. So she said again that she was sorry she couldn't do coffee after. I asked to clarify that I was still seeing her in about an hour for our appointment. To which she said no, sorry, our bad, it was cancelled and they booked someone else in - but I will connect with you Monday so we can work out a time to meet again because you are good about coming in whenever. She didn't ask if I was ok, didn't ask anything about if I needed to talk or not. She just brushed it off like "whoops, our bad, sorry, but no big deal". When in fact it was a HUGE deal to me. Not only did she wait until minutes before we were parting ways to dump this on me, but she also knew before this morning that this was the case and didn't care to inform me before hand.

I didn't get upset in front of her, I just let her finish and then I walked away to go to where I parked my car. I called into the clinic she works at crying moments later saying they cancelled my appointment and that I really needed it, that I'm still in crisis mode right now, that this social worker is my ONLY support while my T is on vacation, and that I really needed to get in today. They told me they would get her to call me when she got into the office. I got a call not too long after from the new social worker asking what was wrong, so I tell her while I'm crying that I really needed to talk today and how upset I was over this. She kind of took a stern tone with me and said that she was just with me, what changed between then and now, what I needed to talk about. I told her nothing, don't worry about it, I'm fine. Eventually I just hung up on her.

She hasn't known me for long at all, only a week or two at this point. I haven't told her that I miscarried a few years ago, she doesn't know that I struggle this time of year with feelings around that. I needed to talk about mother's day with her because that's on Sunday. I don't see my T until Thursday next week. I'm feeling crappy right now, and I needed to talk about it with this social worker. She let me down and I feel a little abandoned right now, I feel like I'm falling through the cracks like I did with the P.Doc. I'm hurt and angry that she was so flippant about it. I don't know if I want to go back and see her again. It put a cloud over me for the rest of the day, so when I got more bad/stressful news I wasn't handling it well. I was ready to do something drastic, my mood took a nose dive very quickly into a black pit, it actually scares me how quickly and suddenly my mood dove.

I'm not ok, but I refuse to put myself in a hospital again. I don't do well in there, I get worse while I pretend to act better because being in the hospital causes a whole new set of stressers, especially financial ones, and I just want to get back to work so I can handle the financial side of things.

I'm kind of taking a "you don't get to hurt me, only I can f***ing hurt me, so f*** you" stance with this social worker. So I'm very much undecided about whether or not I will go to see her again, let alone answer her phone call if she calls on Monday.

 

[Red Feather]

First of all, good for you for writing all this out, and clearing out your mind, as much as possible. And good for you for seeing what it is that is really bothering you. That the social worker didn't take the time to talk with you seems very unsensitive and even unprofessional.

I have a social worker who is a great help to me and if I am feeling at the point of needing to check into a hospital, she would be there, or find somebody else who could, unless it is after work hours or on the weekend. Than its harder.

I also know how it is to become so passive that it becomes very difficult to fight for what you need, especially when others around you seem to oblivious to your needs. Probably there were times in your life when you couldn't or never learned to fight for what you need, (just like me) and so a situation like this can totally trigger that again, which makes it even worse. And added to that, I tend to feel guilty for having needs in the first place. So if a social got agressive with me for not being able to communicate it, that wouuld make me feel much worse.

Social workers who blame a client because of that, are just plain ignorant. It is your responsibilty to tell her of course, otherwise how can she know? But still, she is not taking into account that this might be very hard for you. I think her aggrression on the telephone shows this.

Is there a way to find someone who you can deal with and feel comfortable with? Now, about the crisis situation and the fact that mothers day is coming, are there any other sources of support around? If it comes to that, there is always crisis intervention centers. If they say to you, why don't you go to your social worker, than you can just tell them what happened.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What a bitchy social worker! Apparently she knows NOTHING about delayed reactions! Geesh! My reactions can be delayed by up to 3 days which can confuse a lot of people. I suppose that you were supposed to throw yourself on the ground right in front of her and throw a temper tantrum in order to show that you were in fact affected by this cancellation. Call her boss and file a complaint about being cancelled on with no notice. Just because you are flexible does NOT mean they can jerk you around and that your time isn't valuable. (I really HATE that mindset....oh, you aren't working an 80 hour a week job so your time isn't valuable and we can just shift you around as we want....PSH. I hate it when I get that response!)

 

[Skylynx]

Just when you're feeling down and vulnerable all this red tape and hassle comes about the P-doc. I really sympathize with what you've had to endure! I know it's hard to be tough and assertive when it's against our nature. I've had a hard time with that, too, but am getting better at speaking loudly to secretaries, etc. for my rights. That was inexcusably wrong for the social worker to give away your appointment to someone else... the someone else is who should be told she/he was booked by mistake, not you. I agree with Solara. And I hope you can get to where you feel stronger to deal with !#&! when it lands on you.