Feeling Overly Criticized

[WillowMarie]

This morning I was super irritated. My mum likes to laugh at things. I know there were more than just two, but these were the two I remembered. One was when I was at the ATM at the bank drive thru, I ended up dropping my card. I asked my mum if she could get out so I could climb through. She asked why and I told her because I dropped my card and she laughed.

The other was when we were at the gas station and I pulled up to one of the gas things and said I need to check what side it is on. I climbed back in the car and said it was on the other side and she laughed. At this point I was getting really frustrated since it had been multiple times since that morning. I managed to say, "Can you stop laughing at me?! I am feeling irritated."

Not the best communication (I prefer to use "I feel.. when you.. because), but it is better than screaming at her if I tried to hold it in longer.

I guess I should have told her I feel criticized or hurt, but that seems way to personal and vulnerable to me. It is much easier for me to express that I feel anger or irritation.

I try to tell myself it is a light hearted laugh and I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I feel like she is laughing at me.

 

[Alic3]

I'm the same way, I hate when people make me feel stupid.

 

[DMerish]

Can you ask her in a neutral tone, without preconceived judgment of her or why she does it, why she's laughing? If you can manage to do that, then maybe you can come to an understanding about what's behind her laughing, and that it's possibly not personal. It would also open up the opportunity for you to express what you feel when she does it. Just my $0.02

 

[WillowMarie]

Can you ask her in a neutral tone, without preconceived judgment of her or why she does it, why she's laughing?

Yea, I have been told before I need to get in the habit of doing this.. It is just hard because I don't know if I get triggered or what because it is hard for me to think clearly when it happens. I have been trying not to feel the emotions or think about it, trying to keep distracted. But I haven't concentrate on things the whole day, I start feeling in a daze and it is like my mind keeps going somewhere, drifting off, I just don't want to be aware of it or know where it is going.

I guess I just need to work harder at remembering to take deep breaths and grounding when this happens so I can remember to ask why someone does or says something before I interpret it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Was your mom critical of you as a child?

 

[WillowMarie]

Was your mom critical of you as a child?

That's the thing, I hardly remember her, or have any memories of her. But what has been popping up, I would say yes. She is the kind of person that would rather tell me something is wrong or I shouldn't do something instead of discussing it. What I remember the most is trying to steer me clear of wanting to be sexual at all, and pretty much convincing me I shouldn't want boys to touch me. She even scolded me (high school) when she saw me hug my boyfriend that I had dated on and off for a year, saying "it looked like you were draped all over him" because she didn't like that we hugged normally, which is no space/air in between bodies.

I had a new memory pop up a few weeks ago I haven't talked in therapy yet. Has to do with my mum and her scolding me for something in high school, and of course not talking about it, just making sure I knew she thought it was wrong and horribly and to never do it again.


I know for sure my dad was critical though. He was always yelling at me for something I did or said.