Feeling Unappreciated

[notsurewheretoturn]

Not sure if this is the right place for this - if not feel free to move it somewhere else. And I know that this is probably not going to make much sense.

I'm not even sure that the title of this thread quite covers what I'm feeling right now, but its a start. I'm tearful, very flat, and just generally want the world to go away and leave me alone. I'm forcing myself to eat because I know I have to and working because its something that has to be done, but my heart just isn't in anything right now.

And the reasons for all of this.

Yesterday I thought I was having a good day, things were going pretty well - until I spoke to someone I regard as a friend. This is a friend who I moved 450 miles to be near, leaving friends behind who although I am still in contact with, will probably never see again in person, as she promised to help me run my business.

Yesterday, I sold some stock online, I didn't get what I'd orginally asked for, but it was a good deal and we made a profit and I was happy. This stock has been cluttering up my house (i rarely refer to it as home) for over a year now and there's still more of it. However, when I spoke to my friend on the phone and told her that it had been sold and what for she decided to have a go at me. This self same person leaves me to deal with almost everything (asking her to do anything feels like I'm leaving myself a note to do it later) and tells everyone who'll listen that I complain about working a 36hour day, yes day, and that I should count myself lucky SHE hasn't got me working longer - its MY business. And the 'joke' about the 36 hour day, wore very thin over a year ago now.

How do I tell her that yesterdays little outburst left me feeling exactly the same as when I was a child, scolded for not being able to do right for doing wrong, unworthy, unloved, not wanted and in the way?

 

[Friday]

My 2 cents is that it's less important you tell her about how what she did triggered childhood abuse issues, and more important you recognize that.

You two have a business relationship & a friendship... Which is always challenging and will always involve friction. Maintaining both may be impossible, we learn things about people in different environments that changes our view of them, even if you don't make her responsible for your triggers.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

It's really easy to let feelings and emotions get the better of us because that's what humans do , then we become very sensitive and expect everyone to understand why and how we feel the way we do, but the crux of the problem is we find it difficult to be open and honest about how feeling so we continue to plod along, this ghen leads to breakdowns in relationships , friendships and complete misunderstanding . Please speak to your friend, be very honest about how she's making you feel, and how it's affecting you because otherwise it won't go away and you will make yourself ill and probably lose a good friend in the process x good luck x

 

[Mallaky]

I have a lot of trouble to be assertive in emotional situations as well.

What I did to combat that: I planned. I got into the "intellectual mindspace" or logic, or whatever you want to call it. Then I wrote down what was going on. I play calming music and drink tea and write a letter. That letter I let rest a day, and go over it again. In this letter I try to be concise and distant and pretty emotionlass. Facts, facts, facts.

People so far responded very, very well to these latters. I try to be friendly and polite, and because of the distance writing can give you, that is much much easier then in direct confrontation. It also invites them to react in a similar way.

Maybe you could try something similiar, that works for you? Your situation definately sounds very hard, and I think its a good thing that you are searching for solutions! Good luck

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Thanks for all the advce.

Spoke to my friend on the telephone yesterday. We had a long chat and she said that she didn't even remember shouting at me as she was tired, I kept my side of the conversation polite, even toned and just stated the facts. I did get an apology from her, which I've accepted, and said that we would move on from it. I suppose time will tell on this one.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hey x well done x