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Feeling Very Low Today

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starry-night

Bronze Member
I'm feeling really low today.

After a good spell for a couple of weeks (including better sleep, for longer), my husband tripped and fell in our house right on the floor next to me while I was asleep last night.

I woke up with such a fright. It's one of the triggers I've never been able to deal with, being woken up at night.

I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards. That was about half past midnight. My heart was pounding all night long.

I was pretty tired yesterday after a chat with our downstairs neighbours about loud music (theirs, daytime...on loud for hours and hours at a time). I tried to explain my insomnia, and that a sleep for a couple of hours in the afternoon is sometimes the only sleep I get in 24 hours, so it's really important for me to be able to get this sleep. I ended up in tears, practically unable to string a sentence together. I don't know them at all. I felt utterly humiliated.

About this time (early autumn) I should be gearing up to start my part time job again, after the summer break. But the place where I worked closed a couple of months ago. I feel so down about that, I really liked working there. I had worked there for almost 10 years. I've tried and tried and tried, and I've not been able to find another job. Some of my work colleagues are planning a night out, but I have no income at all now.

I feel so awful today. I've still not been able to get up out of bed, or get washed, or anything.

I'm dreading this being the start of a new cycle of insomnia. It was really, really bad about 6 weeks ago. I was only sleeping 2 hours in 24 hours. I don't think I could go through all that again, so soon.

Someone please help. Even if it's just to say you're out there.
 
Hi starry-night, I am sorry things are so horrendous- right now.

Try not to 'worry' about insomnia, and if possible just start with getting done one small thing. Eat/ wash/ dress, brush your teeth. Expend energy -walk- to tire your body out to sleep.
'Basic radical self-care'.

If you can lean on your husband, now is the time.
(Hope he is ok after his fall!)
But don't give up looking for other work- but first TLC also.

Welcome, and I love your name. :)
xox
 
It was the first thing I asked him, when I woke up, 'are you OK?'. He said he was fine. Then 'the stuff' kicked in and I got really angry.

Yesterday was a total washout. I was asleep a lot, and that made me worried that I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, and that I would get into a disrupted sleep cycle. But I did manage to sleep last night.

And I feel reasonably connected to myself again today (as much as I can be).

I managed to have a bit of a chat with my husband last night, about how I feel about having PTSD. I feel really frustrated and get really angry with myself. He's very easy going about it, very accepting, very go with the flow.
 
Hey Starry-Night,

I am not much for being woken up either and I'm fairly much demonic when I am:cautious:. The reason being much of what you mentioned, sleep is far and few between but when it comes once woken I am unable to go back to sleep and it's not pretty on low doses. It's also unhealthy and super rough on the mind and emotions.

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind and some of the things that Junebug mentioned are very good, things I try to do for myself. Diet is very important along with therapy and any additional support you are able to find. I understand that when funds are low therapy is often very difficult to get but there are other things you can be doing to help.

You are not alone in the way you wake up (my husband is a sweetie and still I'm "off course" - not ever his fault, though I am a happy morning person go figure :whistling:) and we are out here for you.

peace,
Rain
 
I hope things are a little better today. Sometimes we just trip over on our PTSD journey and depression and insomnia creep in. I am wishing you the gentle light of the stars at night to light your way. We are all here with you so thankyou for sharing rough times with us and know that we care.
 
I feel like complete rubbish today and very undeserving of my children.
I do love them and my husband as well as the rest of my family.
But I feel at times it is not enough to keep me going and I hate myself for that.:oops:
 
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