Fell For It

[Casey_03]

Well, I made the same mistake that many alcoholics do -- thinking I could control my drinking and I'd be fine. My therapist had told me she didn't think I was an alcoholic, that it sounded more like i was using alcohol to self medicate. I guess hearing that made me think I had some control and I fell into this trap of saying "Well, I'll just drink but drink less." It worked out fine for the first couple weeks; I limited myself to a couple of beers in social situations. But last night I downed a whole bottle of wine ahead of my date (I was nervous and using this to self medicate again). I feel terrible for making this mistake, and embarrassed that this guy had to see me drunk. Nothing terrible happened, it could've been much worse. But still. I hate having to realize that I can't control myself. I guess now I know I have to completely avoid alcohol.

 

[Deleted member 29899]

That's the only way. Leave it for a VERY long time (like a year or more) and then have a drink. See if you can handle it. I couldn't, and that was an eye opener. That was about 20 yrs ago.

I think you'll be surprised at having to face everything without medicating and hiding with booze. It's quite an eye opener but if you don't do it, you won't get further ahead. I'm at an all time low right now but I'm waaaaaay farther ahead than I was before I quit drinking. Gained so much insight and self awareness.

I saw my life (and the past) for what it REALLY was when I quit. When I was still drinking, I would minimize the traumas or didn't even see the traumas as abnormal! When I quit drinking memories started to come, much to my surprise, and I began to really see the dysfunctional sick environment for what it really was. (Which is good, because a person needs to start somewhere. Better than not starting at all.)


But if I hadn't have quite drinking I'd still be living in denial, I'd still be like some backwards hillbilly thinking that other people came from Insane unpredictable fearful homes and crazy parents and that was 'normal'.

 

[Casey_03]

@imok I totally agree with you. I had a period of about 5 months that I didn't drink at all, and I saw things much more clearly. It was also surprisingly easy for me to quit. But whenever I start a new relationship I find myself drinking, otherwise I can't open up. So that is the situation now. I don't think I can get close to anyone without alcohol. I obviously need to work on that.