Am I a bad person? Alcohol, friendship

[chai]

I was going to have a drink with friends, we hadn't seen each other for a long time. I get drunk quickly, so usually beer is enough for me, but this time we decided to go further. One of my friends has a lot of experience with alcohol, she knows how to drink properly and stays sober longer than anyone else. As usual, I got wasted before the others. We were having fun, chatting, then this friend bought another bottle of alcohol. I asked if I could hug someone, said how I love everyone. When I was really drunk, I don't even remember the picture in front of my eyes at that moment, I asked this friend if I could kiss her (I don't remember this, but other friend told me). Drunk, I am very tactile. Also, I am an adult, never in close relationships with anyone. In response to my question, she offered to teach me how to kiss, and kissed me. I only remember the physical sensations. Maybe I continued the kiss? Maybe not, I don't f*ckin remember anything. When started to sober up, I... freaked out. I didn't want this, I'm not even attracted to women, especially my friends. Still drunk, but not that drunk, I asked her if everything was okay between us, at the time she was about to leave, and I was lying on the couch. She said that everything was okay. But I thought that I did something bad. I know that you shouldn't bother drunk people, that drunk sex is a bad idea. Of course, it wasn't sex, it was just a kiss, but then I didn't think at all. After sobering up completely, I felt even more uncomfortable. I know that she was drunk too, so it can't be her fault. It must be my fault. I did something stupid again and I hate myself. I feel uncomfortable with the very fact of the kiss. Everything would have been fine if she had refused, or if I hadn't asked about it at all. I feel guilty. She has a boyfriend, and I've never had a relationship. This is f*cked up. Why am I like this. I almost feel like I was violated, but no. I asked first. She is a good person, I mean it. I thought that I violated her.

 

[Movingforward10]

Why would you be a bad person?

You might want to address your alcohol usage as it sounds like you loose control of your decision making with it. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Learn from it?

 

[chai]

Why would you be a bad person?

You might want to address your alcohol usage as it sounds like you loose control of your decision making with it. Doesn’t make you a bad person. Learn from it?

I feel like it was my fault if I asked first.

 

[parrotthepolly]

No you're not a bad person considering you asked and nothing was forced and she did agree.

Do you eat at all while drinking? It'll help a bit to stabilise. Or drinking water before alc helps too, less headache that way.

Might add the fact that caffeine helps me to think more clearly and stay 'grounded' but I've heard many people actually don't have a good reaction to the combination. Also I'm generally more calm when drunk cause otherwise I'm very and delusions when I'm "normal". Yeah I don't believe it either.
Mostly I think caffeine helps cause I heavily restrict calories so would fall asleep too soon but if you're getting enough nutrition then it might make you feel ok top of the world or something, I don't even know but don't quote me when something goes wrong.

 

[chai]

No you're not a bad person considering you asked and nothing was forced and she did agree.

Do you eat at all while drinking? It'll help a bit to stabilise. Or drinking water before alc helps too, less headache that way.

Usually I do, but this day was kinda f*cked from the begging. I almost didn't sleep, didn't eat anything but couple of snacks.

 

[parrotthepolly]

Usually I do, but this day was kinda f*cked from the begging. I almost didn't sleep, didn't eat anything but couple of snacks.

Well then, just eat next time!

 

[Movingforward10]

I feel like it was my fault if I asked first.

It still doesn't make you a bad person. But it does make you someone who isn't happy with their decisions under the influence of alcohol.
.you can beat yourself up about it as much as you want. It won't help though! Take it from someone who has done worse than kiss someone consenually whilst under the influence.

Sorting out your drinking and the reason you allow yourself to drink to that level so that you're not in control, will massively improve your life and wellbeing.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

You are not a bad person, if you were you would not be posting about your concern. Drinking isn’t for everyone. I quit almost 40 years ago. I was in a relationship with someone who was drinking and using drugs to excess. I thought if I stopped she might. She didn’t but I discovered I enjoy life more without drinking so I have not. It is worth considering.

 

[whiteraven]

No you're not a bad person considering you asked and nothing was forced and she did agree.

While I agree that @chai is not a bad person, doing *anything* sexual while drunk is a bad idea. Esp. when both parties are drunk. And in some places, it doesn't matter if she agrees or not--if she's drunk and you engage in any sort of intimate activity, you could get in a heap of trouble if she complains.

@chai, are you getting help for your issues with alcohol?

 

[chai]

While I agree that @chai is not a bad person, doing *anything* sexual while drunk is a bad idea. Esp. when both parties are drunk. And in some places, it doesn't matter if she agrees or not--if she's drunk and you engage in any sort of intimate activity, you could get in a heap of trouble if she complains.

@chai, are you getting help for your issues with alcohol?

I drink very rarely. And like, I asked her if I could kiss her, and then she said she can teach me, and I guess she kissed me? I'm not sure, I don't remember. I kinda wish she just refused cuz she was more sober than me lol. I know it was a bad idea. I mean, when she left my house, I was still unable to walk. She said she kissed her friend while being drunk before and for me it was first time in general (yeah I'm 20 yo who never kissed anyone). I don't want to ever get drunk like this, beer is my enough.

(We're not in USA, here age when you're allowed to drink is 18)

First time I was drunk was with her, I think she had some sort of serious problems with this since childhood.. I feel like she was okay with kissing me even if she was sober? She's a good person, but sometimes she can be a little bit over tactile (for me esp, since Im not tactile at all)

 

[Friday]

Consensual kissing betwixt friends is probably the highest bar I’ve ever come across for making someone a bad person.