Death Felt sad at grocery over mother's death.

[Flip flop]

G@#%_*mmitt! This month has been a tad depressing. Coping with the death of one of my dogs, still can't seem to process my mother's death (it doesn't feel like she is actually gone), and her birthday was this month, and my best friend of seven years doesn't seem to "hear" me when I try to talk to her about some of my concerns. I guess it's time to see my therapist again.... LOL. My mother died over a year ago, but I just can't seem to believe she is dead. It is so weird. I've not even cried. I can't allow it. There's nothing to grieve. I just wish she would get out if my psyche and all the damage she had done could be removed. The dog situation isn't too awful. The poor thing had some health problems, so I try to focus on the fact that she can't suffer anymore....cast things in some sort of positive light. She did have a happy life while here, though. Grocery shopping is panic attack city. Almost always feel like bursting into tears when I grocery shop. Kept thinking about my mother whilst at the grocery. Felt miserable at times. Hell, got to the parking lot and realized I was parked right next to a Dodge Challenger. Don't worry if you don't get the reference. I just happened to find it a bit creepy at the time. Tried talking to my best friend and she might as well be literally deaf as far as I care. I think that is why I felt so depressed. Friend is in her own protective psychological bubble, in which she probably does have to stay. She's not my therapist anyway. But, I am so ticked off I wish I could dump her. I wish I could just go No Contact. I will ponder it, but I feel trapped as if I cannot sever that relationship. Since late 2015, I have severed three friendships and broke off with a romance. I went radio silent on three out of the four. I hate people. I just needed to vent. Whew!