Fight or Flight

[DharmaGirl]

we don't need to hide, we don't need to repress. And we can be Calm while expressing Irritation.

I think if we could do that, we wouldn't have PTSD. That seems to be advice for normal people, and while it's good advice, it may not fit with severe PTSD symptoms. It wouldn't work for me once I am triggered. I have to set boundaries and/or leave before it gets to the point I'm out of control. It's not a choice, or a stuffing of feelings, it is too many feelings at once, in the mindset of a 3 or 4 year old. At least for me. If I were healthy, I would work on what you said, but I really think setting boundaries and walking away is best.

 

[OpenForSuggestions]

The people I deal with aren't really among those who I care what they think. The normal me would probably be tempted to laugh, sometimes. The problem is they know that, and it seems to tick them off. Their tween-aged kids who they coach to be disrespectful are about on the same level as themselves.

But if you coach your kid to come right up behind me and try something to spook or provoke a reaction... Or if you spread open, blatant mouthing off and harassment among the only group dumb enough to behave that way. Or send your 4 year old over to walk up next to me and say loudly, "she's crazy!" It would drop your jaw some of the stupid crap that they've tried. One lady I worked with saw me in a parking lot while I was eating lunch in my car, stopped to glare and in a few seconds after she walked off, a policeman was sent to check in the car to make sure I wasn't a threat to the public.

That's borderline hate.

I do have a support system and many lovely friends and a peer group that would be appalled by this. I have told some of them. It's the same problem as with at work. It's usually done in sneaky ways so as not to get caught.

It doesn't go on all the time. Like I said, I have my own peer group. It's mostly when I'm out in public among large groups or by myself shopping. I have gotten stronger for confidence in confronting and keeping my cool when it's a one-on-one situation. But if it's a large group, what can you really do but ignore, walk away or show dignified indifference.

 

[DharmaGirl]

That's borderline hate.

Damn right it is! It is so sad that people behave this way. I've gotten some of the hate. I'm glad you're strong enough to deal with it. I would end up in the hospital with that kind of behavior towards me.

 

[Ronin]

In my brain, any threat gets amplified because of my past.

This may be other thing to work on... the threat assessment.
Changing how you view threats, and if it really is as bad / what kind of bad, might change the reaction, too, if you cant start off with the reaction itself.

You can also look at how many things you can do differently, even flying off a handle... because its not like you have to react one set way.

 

[willhealeventually]

This may be other thing to work on... the threat assessment.
Changing how you view threats, and if it really is as bad / what kind of bad, might change the reaction, too, if you cant start off with the reaction itself.

You can also look at how many things you can do differently, even flying off a handle... because its not like you have to react one set way.

All true but I have no idea where to begin. Threat assessment is not happening in my brain where I can step back and examine it...if I feel threatened, I have right now 2 settings - freeze or fight. I have been able to choose the “freeze” setting more often, which at least keep me from the fight. But then I end up internalizing the threat somehow.
I wish I could be present and clear in light of perceived danger, but right now it’s mostly happening unconsciously

 

[Ronin]

I have no idea where to begin.

When you feel threatened, can you take a step back and ask yourself, What am I reacting to?

Followed by, after you get a better knack on the triggers & stressors, Why do I think its gonna happen right now?

TLDR thoughts that support more observing, and looking for alternate explanations that to you read as either no danger, or danger you can handle.

& On handling if fight: Whats the smallest thing I can do that will effectively sort this situation for me / let me get out safely?
Focusing on actions you can do that are achievable, that also dont encourage you to go nuclear.

 

[willhealeventually]

When you feel threatened, can you take a step back and ask yourself, What am I reacting to?

Followed by, after you get a better knack on the triggers & stressors, Why do I think its gonna happen right now?

TLDR thoughts that support more observing, and looking for alternate explanations that to you read as either no danger, or danger you can handle.

& On handling if fight: Whats the smallest thing I can do that will effectively sort this situation for me / let me get out safely?
Focusing on actions you can do that are achievable, that also dont encourage you to go nuclear.

I think you are ahead of me in your healing process. Currently, I can only take a step back and reflect on what already happened. I do not have any control when triggered, nor the presence of mind to ask myself questions....

 

[Ronin]

nor the presence of mind

So, grounding first until you get that ground covered solid.

 

[OpenForSuggestions]

This is kind of a silly thing that sometimes helps me, might hurt others depending on how easily you are set off. But reading certain books series helps me as a kind of home-made prolonged exposure in a safe environment.

Lois McMaster Bujold writes a sci-fi Vorkosigan series. There isn't a sticky subject she stays away from. Each book pretty much delves right in to where other authors don't dare to tread. Just opening up the subject helps sometimes and seeing other fictional characters immersed in stress and struggle through it (usually fairly successfully).

Even if it's just in fiction, it's good to rehearse and see and experience success in these areas. Rather than just focus and focus on dysfunction, maybe experiencing and keeping thoughts on calm, strong, confident function. Even practicing it in your mind, the way we see ourselves. Preaching to myself here.

If I'm going out to an event where I know I'm going to be tested, it helps even to listen to the kind of music that would pump me up before a sports game (or calm me down, depending on the need). Again, it's not for everyone.