Finally going no contact

[ILoveLife]

I don't think I ever mentioned my family besides my parents here, but the rest of the family, siblings basically, were also abused and enablers of my abuse.

For years I tried to have a good relationship with my sisters, with no avail. Recently, due to good therapy I suppose, I've come to realize our family dynamics and what our childhoods did to us up until now. I'm the only one getting treatment, they refuse therapy as they don't believe they need it.

This would be fine, but it's not. I've been the scapegoat to them since my teens, blamed for things I did as a child as if I were an adult, and T thinks that those behaviors of putting me in that place with no support were what pushed me over the edge, substance abuse and rest of mental health wise. So, recent events threatened to put me in that place again - place that I fought very hard to get out of - and I've decided that I don't need that in my life. So, I went no contact with them.

One of my sisters' birthday was last week and I didn't call. The other one is going away for a year and I have no intention of saying goodbye.
I went low contact since last year, in the same lines of protecting myself, but kept falling off and calling them.

One of them offered me a job working for them, I initially said yes, thought it would be good to be closer to them, but then realized it was a power play and declined.

I don't think they realize the harm they inflict on me, since it's been this way for 20 years. I just know now that even if they can't see what they do, I have to push myself towards self care and not blindly following harmful family dynamics. This is long overdue, but I guess we're ready when we're ready, right? :)

Hope everyone is doing okay

 

[LuckiLee]

I'm sure that was a very hard decision to make. This tells me you're getting healthy and seeing their dysfunction for what it is. Abuse. I had to let a very close friend go a few years back. I came to realize that the people in our lives either help or hinder us. And she definitely wasn't helpful in any way...

Sorry you have to even make a decision like that. Family should be our sanctuary. Best of everything to you!

 

[ILoveLife]

Thank you. :) Yes, it was very hard. I postponed it for far too long.

 

[ladee]

Going no contact with family is hard to do, especially if we were the scapegoat, I was too.... and you didn't wait too long, you just weren't ready... now you are. Doesn't really matter how long it takes to do certain things, as long as we are making progress and taking care of our self... my sister had a son die in a house-fire. I did not call her. I called one of my nephews to give her a message...and really, that was for me, I was sorry she lost her son. I still would not speak with her... so I understand... you are supported for making the hard choices !!

 

[ILoveLife]

That's terrible @ladee , about your sister's son I mean. But you stayed strong, that's great for you.
Being the scapegoat sucks, getting ourselves out of that mindset seems to take forever. But after, the feeling of freedom is great :)

 

[ladee]

Yes it is hard to 'unlearn' we are not responsible for every bad thing that has happened since time began. Because that starts to be our mindset... but like you said, a lot of freedom on the other side... we can do this... it's OUR turn now !!!

 

[ILoveLife]

;) Thank you, I needed to hear that today

 

[Vee]

I also went no-contact with a part of my family. It was hard, and I felt a lot of guilt at first, but a decade later, I know I made the right decision. You have to do what's best for your own mental health. Some people won't change.

 

[freebird]

Congratulations! Go and reward yourself, you deserve it! It will pay off later. I still have yet to go no contact. Not able to right now.

 

[Freida]

I think its fabulous that you are putting yourself in a place where you can continue to be healthy -- even if it means cutting ties with your family. It's encouraging to me -- I'm in a no contact place with my brother right now. It was his choice, but I have no plans to attempt to get ahold of him (its a cycle thing he does and I usually get ahold of him at a certain time). I can't handle his drama at the same time as my drama this time around

 

[freebird]

Your family chooses to be no contact when they sabotage your life. If they can treat you like you don't matter, then they don't matter to you. Their problem not yours.

 

[littleoc]

Congratulations! Go and reward yourself, you deserve it! It will pay off later. I still have yet to go...

I wish you all the luck in getting to that point.