Finally Going To Counseling/ Feeling Scared

[btmsearlNH]

I joined this forum about a week ago. I've found everyone's posts to be helpful to me in dealing with the trauma of the car accident I was in. I have read posts about different problems that made me feel a little better about my own situation. Today, due to the constant encouragement (pushing) of my wife, doctors, and physical therapists, I called a local counselor and will be meeting her for the first time on Friday afternoon. She seemed very pleasant over the phone and also seemed very sincere with her words of encouragement. After I hung up the phone, I looked at my 3 year old son and started to cry. Just making the appointment instantly brought me back to the accident. I could see and hear it happening all over again. I swear I could feel it. I could picture my son, upside down in his car seat, screaming for me. I could see the horrified people's faces of those who saw it all happen and their gasps when they realized a child was in the car with me. It was too much to take. I just completely broke down. My son came up to me and told me to cheer up and gave me hug. Kids just seem to know just what we need sometimes.

The idea of getting help is seriously making me nervous. I don't know what to expect or how to feel about myself. I know that shame is something I shouldn't be feeling, but it's hard not to when you're always the tough guy who can take anything. I'm afraid to open up to anyone other than my wife, but deep down I know it's the best thing for me. I am terrified thinking about driving myself back to work and I know it's something I need to get over because I've been out for 2 months and things are getting tough financially. The accident scene is on my route to work so I can't avoid it.

I think that it's really starting to sink in that I'm not okay. I tell myself I am but everyone around me can tell I'm not. I am scared. I hate the idea of sharing everything with a stranger on Friday, especially about things so personal and traumatizing as this. I don't know how others have felt on their first trip to counseling, but I am honestly terrified. I have to go to a physical therapy appoinment an hour after my first appoinment with my counselor. It's going to be interesting to see if I can relax enough for treatment after what I can assume will be a tear-filled hour with my counselor. I guess that's it. I know you are all very supportive of others on here and I just needed to share this with someone. My wife won't be home from work for hours and my son just doesn't understand. I don't want to get him too upset anyway. Thanks for listening.

 

[void]

And thank you for sharing!!
Good luck on Friday!!

 

[Marlene]

Congrats on taking a big step towards helping yourself heal and get your life back!

Therapy is hard work. There's a reason there's always a box of tissues in the offices. Emotions that need to be worked through can be done in a safe, caring environment.

Be as honest as you can with everything that's going on in your life with your therapist. That's the best way to help yourself. Holding things back only slows you down.

Good luck to you!
Lisa

 

[rallynut78]

That you're able to cry is great. it took me 4 or 5 weeks of therapy and much encouragement by my counselor to shed tears. then i cried every day for a week straight. the whole Idea is to process the pent up feelings.

GOOD JOB on getting in to therapy!!!:thumbs-up keep us posted.

 

[Auburngirl]

I was terrified too, I think that's pretty normal. Your first appointment will probably be a lot of questions, trying to figure out what your main concerns are, it's unlikely you'll get in 'too deep' and it's perfectly okay to tell the therapist you are very nervous and very scared. It takes time to develop trust and start sharing. For me it took a few months.

Although getting treatment definitely helps, I think people sometimes forget that the process of admitting you need help and seeking it, and getting diagnosed can, in and of itself, be traumatic. But it does get better. Pat yourself on the back for being brave, and for taking steps to help yourself and your family.