Finally Got It Out

[BloomInWinter]

Pornography is degrading, dehumanizing, and very addictive. That most of the people making porn for a living began via being prostituted very young, sexually abused, trafficked, or kicked out of the house and looking for survival means I find it a complete turn-off. I totally agree, gtpgurl.

My hubby still uses it, but never around me. I don't make him promise he won't do it, as that just ends up with my expectation being unmet and I feel even more resentful. I do get that his brain has likely been restructured by pornography and it feeds his desires for even more.

I am working on accepting him as he is, that he will not change, and that I cannot change him. It's a work in process. I'm still working on what is and is not a deal breaker for me, as we all must decide for ourselves. It's absolutely ok for us to feel whatever we feel about it, and set boundaries we can live with.

 

[gtpgurl]

I am still trying to figure out myself whether or not it is a deal breaker. I am just trying to stay strong as a new mommy I don't want my daughter to see me week because of this. I don't want her to see us fighting about it either. I explained to him this time that it has everything to do with the PTSD like a soldier at war he says that triggered something and him being that he was in the war a long time ago and he knew several people with PTSD. of course I still don't believe him because of all the lying but I guess we'll see.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@Barconian - please be a bit sensitive here. I know you mean well, but telling someone to get over it isn't ever going to the right thing to

From a male victim of rape in the most nasty situations myself I have to agree with some of the comments. @Barconian you really should chose your words a bit wiser as my avatar shows. I use this avatar as it sums me up to a tee. Yes men will be men but like they say "one bad apple does NOT spoil the whole cart". "You cannot judge a book by it's cover" .

I have had two wives and could quite happily sit here and say "ALL women are alike and they will ALL hurt me the same."

I am not the same as other men and yes I have and still do have my issues especially with relationships but I will never tar any women with the same brush my first wife (adulteress) was tarred with. My current estranged wife was more than supportive of me until my breakdown.

@gtpgurl YES I believe you should expect him to abide by your wishes, he may well not fully understand your PTSD as many supporters do not, (but)...... he needs to know that there are boundaries and relationship rules that when agreed Must be kept.

Massive Hugs if you accept them.

Laurie71 (no longer a sufferer but a Survivor be I now :-) )

 

[Deleted member 20280]

P's,

Telling anyone with a trauma issue to "just get over it" is tantamount to an old English saying "Keep a stiff upper lip man".

I am a man and "Kept the old English Stiff Upper Lip" for many a year until I broke down. I apologise if my reply is abrupt and to the point but I now know that every man has an emotional side and I should have let the barriers down 21 years ago and actually admitted I had issues and done the old "Crying" thing that men don't do in public.

 

[gtpgurl]

You have no idea how extremely awesome it is to hear this from a man. Usually it is man that give me the exact opposite, and sometimes woman too. I will gladly accept your hugs and give you some back thank you so much!

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@gtpgirl If I went through the rest of my life blinkered in thinking that all women were the same I would literally end up living my life as a Hermit. I, like you came to this forum in a vulnerable, seeking stage of my PTSD "Road to Recovery".

My hugs are meant from the heart and you are more than welcome to them

:) Laurie

 

[Echo]

Yes, @laurie71 and @gtpgurl - you are both awesome. My view is that love and compassion are the only things that will face down and conquer the darkness that has been visited on us, and it is good to meet other people who live by this, too. May I join the hugfest, too, please? :)

 

[Deleted member 20280]

:hug: @Echo :hug: @gtpgurl

 

[gtpgurl]

The more the merrier right? hugs for all! :)