My mother-in-law and my therapist both encouraged me to meet with my husband and tell him everything. We met and I told him everything and I felt very grounded and he listened and never ever made it about himself. He apologized for not listening and taking me seriously when I first told him that I was dealing with my past. He always knew that what my dad had done was wrong but I was the one who kept saying it was not a big deal. We decided to move out of the house that we live in with my parents. I'm going to stay at my in-laws with our younger kids while he finds a rental for us. I'm trying to do grounding exercises and learn how to connect with my body as I detox from 40 years of lying to myself and ignoring my body and emotions. I feel so alone, I've never felt so alone because I was always pre-occupied with everyone else in my life and now I see so many people for the rude, selfish, people that they are. The one thing that suddenly infuriates me is people who steal my time by talking just to hear themselves talk. I used to be the sympathetic ear and my kids were pulling on me to go, and I wanted to be a good listener. Now I feel myself getting angry when people take advantage of me that way. My kids are all happy about moving. One thing that scares me that I will have to deal with is the possibility that my dad molested my daughter. She told me within the last year that she and my dad played "the bathroom game" and in my state of denial about EVERYTHING at the time and my fear I just shrugged it off!!! I feel guilty and ashamed about that, but I will do my best to address that issue when I feel strong enough. I feel so weak right now. At my last therapy appointment, when I told my therapist what I realized (while in a state of dissociation) at the end I said, "I feel so empty." And she said, "You feel so full. These things have filled you to the brim and they are coming out of you now, and they are going to keep coming out for a while now."
