A few people have pointed out to me that I don't have one. I tried a couple times, but couldn't finish, so here is the short and sweet history of my life.
I have no real memories before I was 5. I have heard stories, the stories are bad. I was was removed from my parents and went to live with my grandparents when I was 5.
Life wasn't too bad, but they were extremely religious and all my nightmares and behavior problems were "spiritual" in nature according to them, despite the stories they told me about what my life was like prior to living with them. So I was terrified of demons all the time. I was often informed what a burden it was for them to take me in. I was emotionally neglected, but I wasn't being abused until "he" moved in when I was 11.
The worst mistake I ever made was telling my grandmother. She still to this day believes her precious perfect baby boy can do no wrong. I was just trying to destroy his life. She has never let me forget this. After that day she has never treated me the same. I was an outcast who deserved to be punished.
At 13 I went back to live with my mom. My mother was very heavy into drugs. I went from a super strict evangelical Christian home with my grandparents to my mother's party house/ meth lab. I saw things living with her that screwed with my mind pretty bad.
At 16 I ran away with my now ex husband. Did the homeless thing on the streets for a while. From there things went from bad to worse. Most everything I am dealing with now, is what happened afterwards. The abuse I suffered at his hands for the 12 years we were together. Even though we have been separated for nearly 8 years he still has so much control over my life.
This is where I get to every time and can not go on. It comes out in bits and pieces in other posts, and I am sure it will continue too, but now no one can say I didn't post my intro.
I often say, even though I lived my life, it doesn't feel like it was me. Even though I know things things happened, it doesn't seem real. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but that is how I see my life.
I have no real memories before I was 5. I have heard stories, the stories are bad. I was was removed from my parents and went to live with my grandparents when I was 5.
Life wasn't too bad, but they were extremely religious and all my nightmares and behavior problems were "spiritual" in nature according to them, despite the stories they told me about what my life was like prior to living with them. So I was terrified of demons all the time. I was often informed what a burden it was for them to take me in. I was emotionally neglected, but I wasn't being abused until "he" moved in when I was 11.
The worst mistake I ever made was telling my grandmother. She still to this day believes her precious perfect baby boy can do no wrong. I was just trying to destroy his life. She has never let me forget this. After that day she has never treated me the same. I was an outcast who deserved to be punished.
At 13 I went back to live with my mom. My mother was very heavy into drugs. I went from a super strict evangelical Christian home with my grandparents to my mother's party house/ meth lab. I saw things living with her that screwed with my mind pretty bad.
At 16 I ran away with my now ex husband. Did the homeless thing on the streets for a while. From there things went from bad to worse. Most everything I am dealing with now, is what happened afterwards. The abuse I suffered at his hands for the 12 years we were together. Even though we have been separated for nearly 8 years he still has so much control over my life.
This is where I get to every time and can not go on. It comes out in bits and pieces in other posts, and I am sure it will continue too, but now no one can say I didn't post my intro.
I often say, even though I lived my life, it doesn't feel like it was me. Even though I know things things happened, it doesn't seem real. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but that is how I see my life.
