First Emdr session and I think it went ok. It was very difficult emotionally. I don't want to talk about the bad stuff as I have put them away safe in a container. It took me from present day back to when I was about 11 or 12 It took me through a lot. I was surprised at how fast and clear things became to me.
I will tell you that it took me to a conversation with my Mom when I was maybe 15 and I was a full blown drug addict. My Mom saw me on the street she was out driving around looking for me, she picked me up and asked if we could talk. I think she took me to where I have put a memorial bench for my family. She wanted to talk to me about drugs and how I was. She started to talk and I remember cutting her right off, saying Mom what about that valium that you take, what would happen to you if you stopped them right now. She was silent and I'm not sure what she said it was the end of that topic for then.
We never spoke of it again until after I had cleaned myself up and was not using hard drugs anymore. She took me a side and asked me if I could be honest and tell her how I was doing staying away from hard drugs and I told her that I was Finished with them before I came back to town. She then thank me for pointing out that what she was doing was no different than me the only difference was someone pointed it out in such a way that she could not ignore it.
Our relationship was all ways good even when I did wrong which was my nature. That is really a happy memory I wonder why I cried so much writing it. We ended the EMDR with all the good memories I have of my Mom. There are many that I never thought about. One of the strongest was a walk that my Mom and I went for in Mexico 20 years ago we walked on an endless beach in Mexico for 3 or 4 hours just us. Never stopped talking I still have a couple of pretty rocks and a couple of shells from that beach. She thanked me for staying away from the drugs. I told her that I had stopped something else for her. I had stopped riding Motor Cycles and that was for her, that I still love them and still feel the need to speed but I would never ride again. My brother died the year before I stopped riding on his Motor Cycle. That was today.
I will tell you that it took me to a conversation with my Mom when I was maybe 15 and I was a full blown drug addict. My Mom saw me on the street she was out driving around looking for me, she picked me up and asked if we could talk. I think she took me to where I have put a memorial bench for my family. She wanted to talk to me about drugs and how I was. She started to talk and I remember cutting her right off, saying Mom what about that valium that you take, what would happen to you if you stopped them right now. She was silent and I'm not sure what she said it was the end of that topic for then.
We never spoke of it again until after I had cleaned myself up and was not using hard drugs anymore. She took me a side and asked me if I could be honest and tell her how I was doing staying away from hard drugs and I told her that I was Finished with them before I came back to town. She then thank me for pointing out that what she was doing was no different than me the only difference was someone pointed it out in such a way that she could not ignore it.
Our relationship was all ways good even when I did wrong which was my nature. That is really a happy memory I wonder why I cried so much writing it. We ended the EMDR with all the good memories I have of my Mom. There are many that I never thought about. One of the strongest was a walk that my Mom and I went for in Mexico 20 years ago we walked on an endless beach in Mexico for 3 or 4 hours just us. Never stopped talking I still have a couple of pretty rocks and a couple of shells from that beach. She thanked me for staying away from the drugs. I told her that I had stopped something else for her. I had stopped riding Motor Cycles and that was for her, that I still love them and still feel the need to speed but I would never ride again. My brother died the year before I stopped riding on his Motor Cycle. That was today.
