First Timer

[Blackjack]

Hi, I hope that I am posting this in the right place. As I said in my introduction post, I have only just recently been diagnosed with PTSD and I am struggling greatly with it. I have been suffering the usual round of awful symptoms, panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares for the past 6 months or so. For the last 10 years since the accident that caused this I have never had anyone I could talk to about it all (mental health issues are just not accepted in my family sadly) and have just kept everything locked away inside of me, never once having cried or expressed my emotions about it which is why it has now come back to haunt me big time. My family never once asked if I was ok in the aftermath of it all, it was just expected that I got on with it without any kind of grief, upset, shock or anything.

I am now seeing a counsellor who is wonderful and helping me to come to terms with both my diagnosis and also what I went through and gradually the emotions are starting to release a little bit. I have had some very teary times which I guess is for the good but I cannot really properly cry still despite feeling like I need/want to, which is very hard as it leaves me feeling like the emotions are all still trapped. I am not sure that I am making much sense really!!??!!

I am very glad to have found the forum, I am having a very bad day today, just feeling incredibly sad and very very alone with it all as I cannot talk to my mother or husband and my friends don't seem to want to know. I am not too bad now during the day but my dark times are evenings and night time.

How do I even begin to cope with this all?? I am ok when I see my counsellor but that is only once a week and the rest of the time I am a wreck and just feel so fragile mentally and physically.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Welcome. Dig around through all the forums, and the journals, use search to find similar background and path towards managing and understanding, and know you are not alone.

 

[barefoot]

I'm sorry that you didn't receive any support at the time and that it's now biting you on the arse -
plenty of us here can identify with that situation. And you are making total sense :-)

There's so much info here so, as Changeling says, have a search though the different forums and find things that relate to your past and current experiences.

Great that you're working with a counsellor who you like and rate and this forum will also provide support if that's what you're looking for. Perhaps consider journaling? Either an online journal (trauma diary) here or a private journal that you write at home. I do the latter and find writing stuff out helps with some processing between therapy sessions.

Keep posting!

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Welcome, Blackjack!

I don't have many words, today, but my heart resonates with what you're saying.
What you're feeling and experiencing is shared by many people here.

It's unfortunate that family - who we want most to understand, support and encourage us, are so often incapable of doing so.
Empathy and understanding are not skills that most people possess, unfortunately.

Usually, it's strangers who have experienced similar traumas, or people unusually gifted with empathy and compassion, who can walk alongside us, bringing the support, understanding, encouragement that we often need after traumatic events.

It's fortunate that we wounded ones have a place to come and be heard and understood.
I hope you feel very welcomed, treasured and safe here.
:hug: Deer

 

[Kailani]

Welcome Blackjack!

This forum has the group of people that really understand what you are going through! And if they don't, they still offer the best advice to get you to someone who will. You are understood here! My family really wanted to help me but just didn't understand PTSD. I don't understand it still after all these years and so how are they supposed to? It's a difficult thing! Reading the posts has really helped me; grounding, PTSD cup. Hugs and sweet dreams to you!

 

[Blackjack]

Well suddenly for no particular reason that I am aware of, last night I started to feel really down, sad and teary. The next thing I knew, I was just sobbing uncontrollably. It was like someone had opened the floodgates, I just could not stop. Fortunately I was in the bath at the time so nobody saw what a mess I was. I must have cried heavily for about 20 minutes and felt totally worn out at the end of it. I am really scared because I just do not understand all of these random things that are happening to me. My counsellor has said that he is very worried about me, he said that I am quite unwell, and that scares me too. I am trying to keep plodding along, hiding it all at work and when I am at home, but that is not helping me.

sorry for the ramblings, I don't even know what I expect people to think or say in response. I am trying to post because it is better than bottling things up but it feels strange too having kept everything secret and locked away for so long, not showing any feelings or emotions about my trauma...

So sorry if this sounds weird, stupid or whatever.....

 

[Sandstone]

Keep posting, and keep feeling. Being able to be in contact with those feelings will enable you do the work you need.

 

[Poofycat]

I am really scared because I just do not understand all of these random things that are happening to me.

Makes complete sense. The sobbing may actually be a good thing as it's a way of releasing pent up emotions. It's likely that things like this will continue to happen as you work through your trauma, so be prepared for that. And continue to reach out here and to your councilor for support.

 

[Blackjack]

Thank you Poofycat, been incredibly tearful again all day today. The slightest thing brings on the tears. I am exhausted and an over emotional wreck. I tried to talk in the chat room but think I kind of spoilt the conversation so bit scared to go back in there. I don't know enough about everyone to be able to participate fully and I know it's me but just feels like yet another rejection. Soooo tired, good job its bedtime

 

[Kailani]

Keep trying. Stay reading forum. It's all a part of PTSD. You are not alone!