Flashback Coping Options: Including Body Psychotherapy And Mind-body Techniques.

[Hashi]

Imagery 'sticking': You seem to have a means to really ground the imagery, let it take root, in your psyche.

I almost literally place it in there! The way I find it helpful to work is to think of five aspects of myself - heart (feelings), conscious mind, spirit, subconscious mind and body. When I use an image/symbol for psychic protection, I affirm and imagine it in each of these.

When doing this, I have a physical sense of each part of me. Hard to explain, because the other four are still different from "body". But I suppose the best way I can put it is that I perceive each of the five as located in my physical self. For some reason, I perceive my spirit as located down my right side, and my subconscious as between my heart and left shoulder. So the feeling of placing something in them (and also around them) is strong, almost tangible.

Psychic protection: I used imaging angels and light around me, at bedtime, to prevent nightmares. And I used white and gold light, to protect me, from chaos at work. Neither actions were helpful.

I have to imagine things protecting me from within, as well as around me. I perceive some things as approaching from outside, but a lot of things are coming up from inside, so something around me won't be effective for that. I experienced nightmares as wholly arising from within me. Mostly from my subconscious, but I cover everything anyway.

I work with light, not only around me, but also originating within me and shining out of me, driving things like nightmares out and far away.

Do you have any movement/actions with your images? For example, the light moving things away? I always have an image of what it's driving away (with care - something generalised like a black cloud rather than anything specific) and imagine the protection symbol actually moving the thing away from me.

Some other thoughts:

- My images of protection are always safe and positive for me, but I make them fierce in their protection. I did this especially at first. Light for example, I used to intensify it so it would burn to ashes then carry out the ashes of anything bad, evil or frightening. Without doing that, it wasn't strong enough at the beginning.

I don't know how gentle or fierce your angels are, but I would do something like have them be the avenging kind, nine feet tall and brandishing fiery swords - as long as the image is still a safe one for you.

- I have multiple layers of protection. When I first started and was very vulnerable, I used five. (Five different symbols, which I would visualise in turn and in detail for each of the five aspects of myself I work with.)

- As you might gather from the above, I used to spend a long time visualising. About two hours a day at the beginning. It might sound excessive but a) I was desperate, b) I would lose more than two hours of the day trying to deal with the fallout from a nightmare so I'd rather spend the time preventing one and c) it worked.

Now I only have to use two layers of protection (two symbols) and I only spend about two minutes each day unless there's something in particular making me feel vulnerable, when I'll spend longer but nothing like as long as at the beginning.

- My final, failsafe layer of protection is in the form of alert. If all the other things haven't managed to stop something coming up, for example as a nightmare, this final thing immediately wakes me up out of it.

- I've always felt I had to give my subconscious an alternative, gentler way of expressing things, to communicate to it about that, and to listen when it did express things differently. For example, a dream rather than a nightmare. I've had some difficult dreams processing trauma, but none was a nightmare and they were all healing. I have to keep my side of the bargain and pay attention to the dreams. Otherwise I think my subconscious will want to "shout" at me with nightmares again.

Oh this is very long... you shouldn't start me talking about psychic protection. ;) I'm very passionate about it.

 

[Murakami]

Murakami,

I'm interested that you had craniosacral therapy! (...)

My guess is that craniosacral therapy has opened that channel for your body to want to/try to process trauma somatically. For example, through itching and shaking. I don't know if you've also experienced sweating, going cold, and unwinding (the body going into movements or positions without our control)?

I would suggest thinking about the possibility that, while you body is trying to follow this channel now, perhaps it/you still needs guidance from a suitable therapist. Otherwise, this can be quite undirected and give little positive result. It's just a thought.

I'm sorry this is really a response from my introduction thread, but it seemed more relevant in this thread.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-to-heal-the-pain-that-is-buried-in-my-body.36958/

Healing session with guru
I've had a couple of very intense episodes concerning body memories. Through a friend who is very into the alternative circuit, I been to some seminars, a festival etc. Once I was lucky enought to get a 1-1 chakra opening session with an australian female guru. I lay on the floor on the back in my parents apartment. She was in yoga position beside me, while talking softly to me about my birthparents and tenderly stroking or holding her hand on body parts like tummy, hair etc. This went on for quite some time, maybe 20 minutes.

I don't really remember all of it, but it ended with her whispering to me "I'm not guilty for what happened to me" and made me repeat it after her multiple times. After about the 10th repetition of this sentence, my body started tingling madly and shaking heavily. I had no control. And the tears jumped out of me. When my body quieted down, it suddenly felt heavy like I had gained 100 kg in minutes. I couldn't move my body at all. It felt like I had been turned into a mummy, wrapped up in cloth. This went on for a very long time, at least 30 minutes. It was the most powerful healing I have experienced, and I wished I could get to know someone in the future who is able to tease that out of me again.

Workshops
Some of the workshops I attended also gave an out of control body experience. Once it was a two full days packed with dancing, singing, sharing. Especially powerful was the sharing about "What we do for crumbs of love". I always think of myself as a very powerful woman. But when prodded to remember all I have done for crumbs of love and also hearing what others have done, was extremely moving. The whole seminar ended in a long session of opening up to the ghosts residing in our bodies. Big release!

Vagina whispers
This was a female only workshop with a singer called Peru during an alternative festival. She did a guided meditation through our bodies. Ending in us talking or whispering to our vaginas. The pain I felt there was like it was put into a vice. I stumbled out after, quite dizzy. All of this sounds pretty out there, I know, but it did make me feel, sense or realize things that is so hidden from me I don't even know about it.

However, I would be a bit careful about jumping too fast on the alternative wagon. It's a business full of charlatans and professional seducers. Some are not sincere and preying on vulnerable people desperate to feel a belonging or acceptance is not very sympathetic, in my opinion. I will recommend some treatments, I wish I could afford going to more seminars, but they are very expensive.

Goddess circle
My close friend in the alternative circle also organised a goddess circle for a year. It was basically like a singing buddist prayer songs and dancing group which was very touchy feely;) Like an active guided meditation if you like. Ending in 5 minutes each getting goddess treatment, which meant 2 women stroking and caressing your whole body (not intimate parts) as tenderly and gingerly as they can. I still miss those nights of total non-sexual touching, it really made me feel dearly beloved. And it helped me open up to my body and started me on the path of learning to love myself more:)

5 rythms
There's also a dance class called 5 rythms which is meant to be a physical meditation, i think. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear very good stuff about it helping people to be in the present and in the body. Just thought worth mentioning.

 

[Powder]

Wow, I would be so uncomfortable with strangers touching me, especially two people. I am always uncomfortable with touch, unless I feel I initiate it and am in control.

 

[Murakami]

Muse, I understand completely. It's an option, to participate or not in the goddess treatment. It occurred someone said, I'm too sensitive today.

I'm generally a person with big personal space... hanging out in alternative activities primed me for more intimacy, both physically and mentally in a for me very natural way. It's not for everyone. Maybe I'm just so determined to change my life, I try anything at least once. So there have been lots of incidents I'm thinking "this didn't work " or "not now".

We all have our own path, what works for you, might not work for me, and vice versa. Nothing wrong with this:)

 

[Hashi]

However, after an auditory flashback, a body memory flashback, and some mental processing of those, I got these other body memory pains that cycled really fast, like 30 seconds... I would have one of these pains, or a combo of them, run fairly continuously, for a few days, so the chiropractor and I would assume they are normal pain due to injury, but now I see they are also the result of triggers.

As far as my body sensations are concerned, I've got to the point where I think anything can happen. I've had short flashes of body sensation as well as longer feelings. These have typically been either a stabbing pain or a fluttering. I've never experienced these in quick rotation with each other, but I do sometimes feel energy looping between different parts of my body. It sounds like what you experienced was some sort of processing, in it's own strange way, and as long as I feel that about something I just add it to the list of strange healing experiences.

I've had a lot of confusion between literal injury/pain and body memories. I've had experiences like thinking my hand hurt because I'd been doing some manual work, but then it would intensify out of all proportion, and I'd realise that the manual work must have somehow facilitated a body memory rather than caused actual current pain. I've also nearly called an ambulance at times because I thought I must have appendicitis or being having a heart attack, but they were only body memories. It's very difficult not knowing the difference at first. I'm glad your chiropractor worked it out.

 

[Hashi]

@Murakami, I agree with you about being careful who you see. I do think there are some people who are fakes or doing it for the wrong reasons. I also think there are well meaning people who don't know the limitations of their ability. I'm glad you've found things that are so right for you.

 

[Powder]

Thank you, Hashi, for validating and expressing/expanding the pain issues and confusion. You describe it very well. It was like energy looping via different pain manifestations of the trauma that I must have somatized.

My T. says her EMDR work will work effectively on those that are linked to trauma and are psychosomatic. So that gives me hope and curiosity, two wonderful things. :)