Bookoffee
Platinum Member
The day started out wonderful. My first night without nightmares and I woke up with my wife still in bed with me. A rare occasion. I felt safe and happy for the first time in months. We walked to my PHP together and I got a lot out of the group. I was smiling, engaging and sorting through tough trauma that needed attention.
We turned our internet and phones back on. Then we went to get our dinner. As soon as I entered the store, my stomach dropped. I picked up something off a shelf to study it and my wife became frustrated with me. or so I thought. I cowarded, I started to block everything out and my ears were ringing of my step-father. I felt him above me.
My wife and I started to argue and we left the store without getting our dinner. On the way home, I thought she was verbally attacking and yelling at me. I had to shove my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and scream SHUT UP. I was 11 again stuck in my stepfather’s truck after he hit me with it. I couldn’t breathe or think.
Now that I have calmed down, I check my messages after being offline for a while. One of my sister’s from my father’s side posted on my facebook wall a link to a story of my brother on my mother’s side. He had to use deadly force on his job. I have no connection to anyone on my mother’s side. They are all very harmful people.
I explained to her a few weeks ago what I was going through. This is how she checks in on me, by posting this link and asking how am I doing. I am shaking again and trying to stay calm. I am starting to think that both sides of my family are toxic.
We turned our internet and phones back on. Then we went to get our dinner. As soon as I entered the store, my stomach dropped. I picked up something off a shelf to study it and my wife became frustrated with me. or so I thought. I cowarded, I started to block everything out and my ears were ringing of my step-father. I felt him above me.
My wife and I started to argue and we left the store without getting our dinner. On the way home, I thought she was verbally attacking and yelling at me. I had to shove my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and scream SHUT UP. I was 11 again stuck in my stepfather’s truck after he hit me with it. I couldn’t breathe or think.
Now that I have calmed down, I check my messages after being offline for a while. One of my sister’s from my father’s side posted on my facebook wall a link to a story of my brother on my mother’s side. He had to use deadly force on his job. I have no connection to anyone on my mother’s side. They are all very harmful people.
I explained to her a few weeks ago what I was going through. This is how she checks in on me, by posting this link and asking how am I doing. I am shaking again and trying to stay calm. I am starting to think that both sides of my family are toxic.
