Flashbacks From Child Sexual Assault.

[ms spock]

Heya I have been very successful in working on this one. I have just not had sex in the bedroom at all. Having it in the motor home means I am not going back to two anal rapes that were ones I could never get out of my mind.

So I rub lavender on B and the whole thing of doing it in the day works really well. I can be present for the sex and the intimacy. I was a bit mechanical at first until B said it would be nice to have some passion. But then I shifted and it was good. Who knew sex can be good fun! Who knew!?

Anyway I disco dance with B in the kitchen and I got his butt cheeks to dance with each other. That was funny so hanging on to the fun moments has been helpful to me.

Also B has some fake Vulcan ears - and I will get him to wear them again. It really helps being in this now.

The other thing is I have slowed down to have feelings - you don't die from them, even when it really feels like it - amazing can't wait until that passes and I get that into my brain.

Also changing stuff around helps.

Now I was like really scared of sex, and then I was like yes - sex and intimacy - yes please! But B is too tired! Egads what a tragedy! So I have like a normal relationship. How the hell did that happen?

But seriously I do all this work and you are too tired! What a badly behaved boyfriend! Nah just joking. So funny that I get to this point, hey?

I worked it out myself and I managed it really well. It is not easy at times but I am much more present and also having a good time as well, at times.

 

[ms spock]

I also have a really good time as well and that is pretty good.

Yay!

So I have done really well on this one.

 

[ms spock]

Way to think out of the box Ms. Spock!!! Repeat, repeat, as you are able to normalize the experience focusing on the fact that this is in the present and a man you love. :tup:

I did repeat @The Albatross and seriously things went well. Except B has been too tired. So the extra repeats were not for want of trying! LMAO No seriously I didn't hassle him or anything I am joking around.

Hilarious to be in this position.

One good thing is that I didn't tell him about the flashbacks, as I suspected that it would make it very hard to have sex and make love with me, if he knew. So I made a good choice there. He is very sensitive and caring I think that would have broken his heart and made him upset. So it was my stuff and I dealt with it myself.

So now I have moved on - he didn't need the stress of all that. So that is good.

Been hoping to get lucky some days. What a blast that is! LOL