R
Red Dog
I am in a relationship with an amazing man who suffers from PTSD and I would greatly appreciate any advice. I should also mention that I suffer from PTSD (child abuse) in remission, but I have been extensively treated.
My honey and I have been dating for about one year and since he told me about his diagnosis, there has been some progress. He is very direct and open with me and I with him.
Recently I have been getting feeling discouraged for a few reasons:
1. Recently he has been missing a lot of his doctor appointments (he's been in treatment for 1 year and is taking meds). I tried asking about it: "are you happy with your doctor?", he says he's happy with the doctor, but "can't find time".
2. He hasn't worked for a couple of years, I knew this when we met and although applying for short-term disability is an option, I do wonder whether he'll be able to work after another year is up or how many years he won't be able to work. If he cannot work, I would completely understand (because I've gone through this myself), but it's difficult to know whether he really can't work or if he's just gotten comfortable in his current situation. He also makes jokes/comments about how in the future, he can stay at home while I work which I am not comfortable with. Also I think that it is hitting his self-esteem because he really doesn't do anything & it seems to drag him down more. I have suggested doing something, anything, to keep himself busy.
3. Because he isn't working, I am suffering some of the financial consequences. We don't live together, but he does drink and smoke cigarettes and I feel like he expects me to buy these things for him (he openly asks for it but I haven't refused him yet). I already spend money on food, etc. so to me, I feel like it's a lot to ask especially since alcohol and cigarettes are not "necessities". I also feel sometimes that if I weren't supplying these things to him, he'd be more motivated to work or kick his addictions, although obviously I understand if he really can't work, then all he can do in the meantime is continue treatment.
4. I feel he doesn't respect my boundaries. Granted he treats me very well and I can see he's trying, but there are other things--when I try to set boundaries by saying I want to have time alone, he doesn't always respect it. He wants to stay up very late and expects me to the same even though I have work in the morning or just simply don't want to. He gives me a "no one is perfect"/"I was like this when you met me" attitude which angers me because it makes me feel like my well-being is not valued. Sleep deprivation has been causing me anxiety and irritability.
Again, any advice is welcome! I am particularly upset because I have only been able to speak to my therapist about this stuff and I feel isolated. My general feeling is that I need to be more assertive with him about my needs, but at the time, all of these issues are very touchy to discuss.
My honey and I have been dating for about one year and since he told me about his diagnosis, there has been some progress. He is very direct and open with me and I with him.
Recently I have been getting feeling discouraged for a few reasons:
1. Recently he has been missing a lot of his doctor appointments (he's been in treatment for 1 year and is taking meds). I tried asking about it: "are you happy with your doctor?", he says he's happy with the doctor, but "can't find time".
2. He hasn't worked for a couple of years, I knew this when we met and although applying for short-term disability is an option, I do wonder whether he'll be able to work after another year is up or how many years he won't be able to work. If he cannot work, I would completely understand (because I've gone through this myself), but it's difficult to know whether he really can't work or if he's just gotten comfortable in his current situation. He also makes jokes/comments about how in the future, he can stay at home while I work which I am not comfortable with. Also I think that it is hitting his self-esteem because he really doesn't do anything & it seems to drag him down more. I have suggested doing something, anything, to keep himself busy.
3. Because he isn't working, I am suffering some of the financial consequences. We don't live together, but he does drink and smoke cigarettes and I feel like he expects me to buy these things for him (he openly asks for it but I haven't refused him yet). I already spend money on food, etc. so to me, I feel like it's a lot to ask especially since alcohol and cigarettes are not "necessities". I also feel sometimes that if I weren't supplying these things to him, he'd be more motivated to work or kick his addictions, although obviously I understand if he really can't work, then all he can do in the meantime is continue treatment.
4. I feel he doesn't respect my boundaries. Granted he treats me very well and I can see he's trying, but there are other things--when I try to set boundaries by saying I want to have time alone, he doesn't always respect it. He wants to stay up very late and expects me to the same even though I have work in the morning or just simply don't want to. He gives me a "no one is perfect"/"I was like this when you met me" attitude which angers me because it makes me feel like my well-being is not valued. Sleep deprivation has been causing me anxiety and irritability.
Again, any advice is welcome! I am particularly upset because I have only been able to speak to my therapist about this stuff and I feel isolated. My general feeling is that I need to be more assertive with him about my needs, but at the time, all of these issues are very touchy to discuss.
